Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

How is it going, Senseless?

I also revert to student living when the DC are away. In fact, worse, as I was a non-drinking and quite healthy-eating student apart from cheesecake and Cola Bottles for breakfast sometimes

Good luck with Day 3, NC4.

Dickpic guy sounds a real catch, Frouby.

I would really, really like a drink now but am having Fizzero ATM. Who knows where this will lead. I have had a solicitor's bill for almost £500, which is not helping my mood.

Well done everyone who is managing moderation and AF days well. I've spectacularly failed this week. Not had an AF day since last Wednesday. I've only had two days where I've sank a full bottle of wine, the rest has just been a glass of wine or a can of cider but even so it feels rubbish.

I really need to learn to get past a certain point in the evening when I've started to habitually drink (usually when cooking tea). But the pull has been too strong lately.

That said, my main goal was to quit binge drinking and making a twat of myself which I have stuck to. I've only drank at home and I've managed to do that more moderately than before. I've got a few nights out coming up where I genuinely plan to stick to my strategy of one wine one soft drink to avoid any messiness.

So a mixed bag really!!

Omg frouby - dickpic man sounds a complete wankerbastard indeed. Pahhh can’t imagine for a minute why the friend didn’t jump at the chance!! Or did she?!!!

NC4 - when I’ve been af for a day or two, I notice the puffy face easing and my eyes look sharper. I’m aiming for af tonight or one glass of red at the most.

Senseless - last night sounded nice

Dion - omg you are doing amazingly to still be on fizzero considering receiving a bill like that!! I’d have cracked open the bottle immediately!!

Madame - you ok lovely??

I’m sat watching dd do a dance class currently. Then will be home to pour sodding soda water into a glass!! Doesn’t sound appealing. I’ve deliberately not put wine in the fridge. And I hate warm white. So red it is. And one glass is about all I can manage unless I want a killer hangover tomorrow!!

dion why the bill, were you not expecting it? Have been spectacularly unimpressed with solicitors I have had to deal with the last 10 years or so. 3 times, never recovered us a penny, charged us a fortune and been impossible to speak to. Twice I had feea refunded because they were so utterly incompetent.

Absolutely knackered, was kayaking for about 90 minutes, slowly getting better I think, every time I go I learn something new and it's just remembering to do everything I have learnt all at the same time.

Sitting on BabyPony tomorrow morning as well, won't be able to walk, or use my arms from kayaking .

Dh fucking annoying me, useless twat 7 cans deep, irritating drunk and getting right on my pip. If he so much as looks like he's going to snore he can kip on the sofa.

Oh, fucking solicitors. Why does a sodding divorce have to drag out for years? I try to keep it to an absolute minimum, but that seems to make no difference. I have a RL friend whose divorce cost her £100K.

If I am up for a solicitor's bill, I might as well add to my misery by not being dry. So I am not. DD has some friends here tonight. She is being a complete cowbag - she shows off like a toddler when she has friends here. I can't bear it. I found some whiskey, which I hate, but have drunk it. DS has gone to a four-day house party a very long way away. I can't bear to think about it. He is not yet 18, but acts as if he's competent and about 45. Apart from the urgent demands for money, obviously. WTF was he planning to do if I hadn't obliged?

Frouby, the tragic thing about me is that I would pay several bottles of gin and then some more, just to be able to sleep regularly beside my adored and very shitty snoring DP.

Oh Lordy Dion, I was hoping to do the whole divorce for around 500 quid 😫 How long is it since you split, and what’s the delay?

After my date on Sunday I am very glad I am single. I spent two hours looking at my reflection in his mirror shades while he bored on about himself. I was amazed when he asked for another date 😂 I’m all about my freedom for now!!

That said, I’m just in from a work thing and had the loveliest surprise. I bumped in to a bloke I was really good mates with from the ages of around 16-20. I didn’t recognise him till he bounced across the room and gave me a massive hug, and when he cracked a grin I knew right away. Awww 🥰 He was fondly introducing me to all his work people. So lovely 😊

I didn’t make it to the gym so I’ve just booked a class for tomorrow night. AF is easy tonight since I’ve barely had time to scratch my arse.

Don't worry, NC4. You could do a divorce for fuck all. This is a bit of an overhand (XH and I gave up with lawyers because all they would do is eat up money which would otherwise end up with the DC). Our divorce was a bit complicated, though, hence the extra expense.

I am absolutely not dry. FML.

Overhand? Overhang. I can't type, either.

Ooo can I join you please?
I've cut down loads in recent months. But not managed to become entirely AF.
I love the idea of monitoring the number of days you drink per month then cutting that down.
I've been sober curious a while now. Then I read TJOBS recently and was so inspired.
Anyway hi all, it's nice to be here

Gah, apologies on behalf of solicitors everywhere. I know fuck all of practical use or I would offer to help, but my team are working on the no fault divorce law as fast as they can. I received some post at work yesterday - ooh post, exciting, what's this? Was a 2k barrister bill and that fucked me off even though it's not me paying so I empathise. To be fair to conveyancing solicitor though, I put her through misery and she was a bargain compared to sodding lady bastard estate agent. Low bar though I guess.

Work still bugging me on my day off but met with new pal from dd2's school which was nice, and DM was here for a bit. Not AF. Not brilliantly moderate eother. Switching to tea now though.

Oh God, Longest, no need to apologise for anything. Most of my friends are barristers, and I love them to bits. The thing with my divorce is that there was a big fat fault, and it was XH. Though that is in fact immaterial. He and I could wipe one another out financially, but that would leave both of us (and, therefore, the DC) with nothing. So we just have to suck it up occasionally, when we get to a sticking point.

It's fucking long-winded, though.

I wish I could get through this all without a drink, but I can't. I keep thinking it's Friday, thanks to the school holidays, which isn't helping.

Ahh yes, the old ‘its the holidays’ trick. I know it well. I can’t decide whether to wait out another year for a no fault divorce, or divorce him for unreasonable behaviour and be done with it.
There’s nothing to sort really. We’ve divided finances and he’s washed his hands of us.
Does anyone know if I can instigate it but get him to foot the bill? He’s pretty much said he will within reason.

NC4, I went for XH's 'unreasonable behaviour'. Even he couldn't deny it, though he tried to get me to cite adultery on his part (which he didn't commit - I don't think he even spoke to another woman during our entire 20 yr marriage) because he thought it would "look less bad" than the truth, namely that he was a shit parent .

We mostly did it ourselves in the end. There were just a few sticking points regarding property and school fees which needed lawyers to advise us. I'm not sure they are completely resolved yet.

I think you and XH can agree whatever suits you. I don't think it matters who instigates it, and on the whole, it's going to be cheaper just to do it than to involve the law. The more you can agree between yourselves, the better/cheaper!

Morning all

Hate anything legal, there is nothing much in it for anyone other than the legal bods, divorce reforms can't come quick enough. I have also found that the biggest wallet tends to win, as legal costs are so bloody expensive. We paid over 5k a few years ago, kept telling the solicitor x,y,z needs to happen. It never happened, then when he finally agreed that it should have happened, it was too late. Then 2 years ago we employed some fancy bigshot arbitrators. They couldn't do their job either, and it turned out that the debt was pretty much unrecoverable due to the company being based in Ireland which meant costs to recover would be absolutely extortionate. Meh.

Ache this morning. But it's my legs and my tummy mainly, which apparently means I am kayaking properly though my arms are a bit heavy too.

Off to ride BabyPony this morning. This is a Big Thing. I haven't rode properly for 20 years. Sat on a few when absolutely necessary, including BabyPony last year, but only for a few minutes. Am feeling the fear and embracing it. Actually am shit scared. BabyPony is very kind and willing but still a baby. Dd rode her last year, but with me on the ground directing so with me onboard, it will be very different for her.

Lovely cousin is coming with me, she said what will I need to do? Said just put me in recovery position if I get splattered and undress BabyPony and put her back in field if I get splattered 😂😂😂.

Probably not dry tonight, have done 4 days so far since Saturday. DH didn't snore, luckily for him, and he does need to cut down. But I was awake at 4am thinking about things. It's not him that's changed it's me and I need to give him time to catch up mentally. So if he gets drunk to the point his hangovers are affecting me and the dcs, he needs to change. But if he wants to drink that's his choice and I wouldn't respond very well to someone nagging me or being all PA about drinking. It's taken me 3 years, am still not convinced this new found sobriety is permanent, especially with the summer holidays approaching. But he is trying a little bit.

If I get splattered it's been nice knowing you all .

I’ll iron my funeral frock just in case Frouby but I’m sure it won’t be needed. Good luck with baby pony.

You’re probably right Dion. It’s very straightforward for us. The only potential sticking point for me is pensions, because mine is rubbish, but that’s not really XHs fault. It’s their dad’s pension that should make up my shortfall really, since I’ve been raising our kids, but that ship’s long sailed and it seems a bit unfair to ask XH to pick up the tab.

I have to take DS2 to the dental hospital today. He is so anxious and highly sensitive our own dentist can’t treat him enough, even though she’s worked wonders with him, so he needs sedating 🙁

Weirdly enjoying this week’s sobriety though...

Good luck everyone battling ponies and dentists and lawyers and so on. Not sure what sounds scarier. Dd1 had to have sedation a few months back NC4 but DH dealt with it. Still traumatised by proxy, though would have been worse without.

Going out this evening, straight from work, hurrah. Assuming I actually escape work at all. One big deadline is tomorrow so after that things might get a teensy bit easier. Probably not much but they've decided to get a hot shot barrister in to advise them about car crash thing I met judges about, so that's me slightly off the hook once I've briefed them! Have just joined class WhatsApp for dd2's new school. They're meeting for a picnic on Sunday. Feel stupidly nervous. New chum seems lovely though and doesn't know anyone either - most of the rest seem to from nursery or siblings. New chum's toddler threw a bowl across my living room and smashed it and she was so embarrassed she scarpered soon after, even though I assured her it was a £2 bowl from IKEA and I couldn't be less bothered.

NC4 good luck with the dentist. It’s good there’s that facility for him. I hope it goes smoothly.

Frouby - tummy muscles hurting does indeed mean you’re doing it well. You’ll have abs before you know it. :-)). Have a good day!!

Longest - hope today’s a better one work wise.

Welcome smiled.

Dion - bloody divorces!! For some reason, I agree..it’s always the biggest wallet that wins. It’s not fair. When I got divorced, it cost me £6k. That was about 18yrs ago. I walked away with nothing at all. I was promised an endowment policy for ds once it had matured. Sadly we never saw it. And I can’t be arsed with raking it all up to fight for it.

Had one glass of white last night. Ended up buying another bottle, chilled from the fridge in the shop. However I didn’t open it. I poured a glass of red and didn’t drink it. I’m
Hoping I can keep this moderation up. I am sleeping so much better for it. And the guilt has lifted.

Morning everyone

Dion - is there a reason you can't sleep with your DP?

Big shoutouts and strength to those battling with divorce stuff. I was so lucky with my ex; we weren't married and of all the things he likes to be a dick about, money isn't one of them. So there was little to sort out as we were both reasonable about the kids and the house. It was bloody awful to go through though and I do not envy anyone going through it now. And solicitors are money eating incompetents as often as actually being able to do their job.

Frouby you're being very kind about your DH. I hope he can work it out.

Hi Smiled :) lovely name. Welcome! I'm newish here too.

NC4 - you know what - I kind of love a bad date - they can be very funny and you can enjoy talking them up later to the hilarity of your friends :)

I fucked up totally with the booze last night. Drank as soon as I got out of the horrible all day meeting. Drank all evening. Showered, fired up netflix, cooked an easy dinner and just drank drank drank. Had long phone conversation with a good friend which was nice and then talked later to boyfriend for an hour, my phone tells me, so I am pretty sure I was a stupid drunk idiot :(

Right. Today is today. I've got my girls back this evening and I'm going to be properly present with them, as I was regretting not being at the weekend. They'll have lots to tell me and I'm going to be right there actively listening.

Now: work. I'm not going to waste the day being hungover.

NC4 - sorry I didn't hold myself to account or check in with you :(

I'll try harder.

Have a good day everyone

Yay survived riding BabyPony. She was a good girl and didn't do anything too stupid, though an elaborate spook on the lunge before I got on had me a tad concerned.

Thighs and arse doubly hurty now though. Bet I am sore tomorrow!

Just checking in after a long absence. I’ve been in the background checking up on how you are all doing though and you are all getting on so well with moderation and AF days.

I on the other hand have not been doing so well and haven’t managed any AF days this week. My anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment for various reasons. Yesterday I had a particularly low point when I found myself washing down St John’s Wort with a g&t and followed it with a shot of rescue remedy! If it continues I think I’ll need to get something stronger from the Dr as I can’t carry on feeling like it. I’m sure the alcohol isn’t helping but I’m in a vicious cycle of using it to cope 🙁

On the plus side I am exercising like a demon so am getting a bit more toned.

Canshop, hugs. I have done similar, on many occasions. It's horrible. I'm failing with AF this week, too.

Love the photos, Frouby. Baby Pony is absolutely gorgeous!! Reminds me of the effect riding used to have on my buttocks. It was always difficult to sit down for several days afterwards.

Senseless, actual full nights with DP are infrequent because either my DC are here (and he won't stay here when they are here) or he is getting up at 4AM/going out in the evening. FML. I also made some phone calls last night, about which I remember nothing. Which means they will have been slurry and embarrassing.

Brilliant moderation, Flossie.

I hope the dental hospital went ok, NC4. Poor DS.

Love the dish-throwing incident, Longest. I like the sound of your new chum. Relieved I don't have to go through the making friends thing again, though.

Hmmmmmm.

No moderation here. DP and the DC have tipped me over into not caring.

Canshop, what I didn't say earlier is that you are doing better than I have done at some points, as I had a stash of Valium. I think this is worse than St John's Wort. Sadly, it has all gone now.

Well done Frouby! Buns of steel!

Dion, Canshop, sending hugs. Anxiety and stress is difficult.

Have escaped work and on way to meet moderate friends. Feel like not being moderate but don't want to embarrass myself. Will channel you guys.

Need a bit of encouragement.

Have spent all day doing stuff for DP, who has gone away (working) again.

He is not replying to any messages. I'd like to think it's because he has no signal, has lost his phone etc (both of these are possible), but it's probably because he can't be arsed, as he knows I'll do all the wifework without any particular thanks.

He's a shit, isn't he?

Yes Dion, he is. When he does eventually reply I’d be breezily busy if I were you.

Longest I’d want to go more than moderate if I was going out too.

I just want to do a less than 12 hour day one day this week so I can get to the gym. Tomorrow is possible, maybe...

Can I have a little fanfare though, just a small one? DS managed hospital, no drama AND went into school without a fuss afterwards. This may be fairly standard for most people but it’s HUGE in this house because both those things give him big ASD fears. I’ve been bright and breezy about it all, but I’m so proud of him 💕