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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Husband's drinking habits

14 replies

Mamon · 15/02/2018 00:34

My husband drinks 4 beers a night. I'm worried about his health and how much he's spending. Do I have cause to worry or is this fairly normal? He hates his job and is very unhappy because of it. He says thats why he drinks, it helps him relax and he likes the taste of it. He tries to cut down but really misses the beer if he doesn't have any. Can't seem to go a night without it. I think he's addicted.

OP posts:

WhineandDine1 · 15/02/2018 00:45

Sorry to say but yes he's addicted. An alcoholic is anyone who is dependent on alcohol. My dad had to drink every night, but because he wasn't downing a bottle of whiskey at 9am every morning or hiding bottles in strange places, he was "fine."

I completely get how it helps to unwind. I got a bit concerned about my own drinking at one point because although I never drank a lot, I did feel I had to have one or two g&ts or glasses of wine every evening. But as I say I never drank heavily and part of me thought "well surely it's better I drink a small amount every day than not drink in the week but get completely bladdered on the weekends" which a lot of my friends did. But it really hit me when I tried to go without for a week that I did completely depend on that glass of wine or bottle of beer to relax me so I made a very conscious effort not to drink Monday-Thursday.

If he enjoys the taste, would he consider non alcoholic beer? I realised a big part of it for me was I just loved the taste so I always have non alcoholic beer in the house now. I do think it's a slippery slope if I'm honest. Whereas some people will always be absolutely fine just having a few cans of an evening and never letting it go further , it can go rapidly downhill for a lot of people.
I'd try and have a really relaxed conversation with him about it. Does he have to stay in the job he's in?

I'm not trying to justify drinking every day but I've always felt like everyone has something that relaxes them. Whether it be a chocolate bar everyday, a cigarette, a takeaway. So to me having a drink or two to relax is completely fine. But when you're utterly dependent on it and can't go a day without then yes it's a problem.

Original poster

Mamon · 15/02/2018 07:28

Thank you for replying. Yes he has tried to change his job. He's applies for loads but no luck yet.
He has tried having non-alcoholic beer but it didn't last long. I keep offering to get some when I do the shop but he's said no.
I don't know how to help him.

OP posts:

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 15/02/2018 07:30

You can't help him

This is how it is (experience), you can accept or leave ...

Nothing you can do, other than lead your own life well and look after yourself

Lweji · 15/02/2018 07:34

It's not his job. My dad had a job he didn't like for 30 years and didn't drink regularly.

It's the drink.
It's not the taste if he has four and he rejects non alcoholic drinks.

Yes, take it or leave it. There's nothing you can do. Only him.

Cherrycokewinning · 15/02/2018 07:38

No one on here could know if he’s an alcoholic. I know a few men (of a certain age of its relevant) who drink that most nights who aren’t.

I don’t think you can help him stop drinking it. You sound really unhappy though

WhineandDine1 · 15/02/2018 12:40

cherry A few years ago I never would've said he was an alcoholic either. but a friend of mine started going to AA meetings and has been sober three years now and his councillor did definite it as anyone who is dependent on alcohol. Doesn't have to be a bottle of whiskey a night and I agree lots of men drink 4 pints a day. But if OPs husband literally cannot go a night without it then it is a problem.

Cherrycokewinning · 15/02/2018 12:44

But we can’t know whether someone is physically or emotionally dependant, or addicted, or simple don’t want stop because they like it . Or because it’s a habit. They’re really different things

WhineandDine1 · 15/02/2018 13:12

Sorry to be dense (genuinely curious because I'm realising there's things I don't know) what's physical dependency? Is that when you just really enjoy the taste or something?

I understand that just because you don't want to stop that doesn't necessarily mean you're addicted. But from what OP is saying her OH couldn't stop if he wanted to.

Cherrycokewinning · 15/02/2018 13:21

Sorry, I guess there is only a physical addition and emotional dependency or addiction. Mixed my words up.

Worldsworstcook · 15/02/2018 13:29

I'm sure he's tried it as you say but the non alcoholic Heineken is excellent. My DH says he only knows I've served it when he can see the label!

Original poster

Mamon · 15/02/2018 14:20

He didn't have a drink Monday night. Not because he didn't want it but because he's trying. He managed one night but found it hard. We agreed last week that he wouldn't drink on Wednesdays because he doesn't get home until 10pm so doesn't have much time to drink. He did drink last night, went to the shop before he got home.

OP posts:

Lweji · 15/02/2018 14:31

physical dependency is when you need the drug to function normally. And not having the drug causes physical symptoms.

Happinessisthis · 15/02/2018 14:41

Can he not just have 1 or 2 rather than 4 to start with ?

Original poster

Mamon · 15/02/2018 15:12

They generally come in a pack of 4 and if they are in the house he will drink them.

OP posts:

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