Rock Bottom

[Decsbetterhalf]

What is rock bottom? How bad does shit have to get.

I'm FULL of self loathing today. Hate myself.

Drank far too much over the weekend.

Can't remember conversations (important ones!)

I'm a mess today. This feeling is dreadful and I don't want to ever feel like it again.

Pathetic and I don't even know WHY I do it

I'll end up with nothing at this rate

It's taken me years and the involvement of social services to realise i have a drinking problem. I can go weeks without it them have a massive bender and often end up doing despicable things. This Friday for example I drank at home then went out alone then the next thing I remember I was a some random woman's house! So I went to my first AA meeting Sunday and it was great, all these other people who were in the same position as me, thinking the same things and who have pulled themselves up. What you are feeling means you need to stop drinking altogether and altho its hard I know it will be worth it. I 2 am full of self loathing, can barely get out of bed and have had to get a friend to take my daughter to school (I do have tonsillitis 2). I hate myself and have let my children and family down again but there is no point looking back, what's done is done and the only way is up xx