Warning... This might be a bit long...just wanted to share my experience because I still can not quite believe what has happened to me and hope it might help someone else going through a similar thing,
Over many years and four children my daily wine habit crept up and up until II was drinking at least TWO bottles of wine every single day,
I was awake every night feeling absolutely wretched, full of guilt, remorse, self-loathing, trying desperately to remember what I had said/done/even watched on the TV!, worrying about dying early, and promising myself faithfully that I wouldn't drink tomorrow... and of course repeating the cycle every single day.
I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day and rapidly turning into my mum who is also an alcoholic.
I arranged my life around when I could get back home ASAP and open the wine.
My children had lost all respect for me and even when I was sober they had begun to treat me with a mixture of derision and sad acceptance. Even the 10 year old would roll his eyes and mimic drinking actions when I said anything he didn't like.
One day, out of the blue my daughter bought me a book which she thought might help me, I got a pit of annoyance in my stomach when she gave it to me, I am not one for 'self-help' books and I shoved it in the bookcase where it stayed for about 6 months, it also had what I thought was a stupid title : Kick the drink easily! Ha bloody ha, if it was 'easy' I wouldn't be breaking the nightly promises I made to myself.
I was so addicted that the ONLY reason I decided to give it a read was because my daughter read it herself and told me it says to KEEP drinking as you normally would (but obviously don't read it when you are drunk or you won't remember it!). That took the initial fear away as did the assertion in it that the only thing you need to 'do' is read it with an open mind, and read the whole thing, even if you find it repetitive because it is actually attempting to undo the brain washing we all have from childhood regarding alcohol.....
I can not explain the feeling of pure elation I had when I got to the end of the book, as unlikely, and incredible as it was, I knew I had finally been set free. The not drinking anymore really was ridiculously easy, and I know to any drinker that sounds like a prattish thing to say, but it is true. More difficult was the shocking attitude of some friends and family who seemed to take it as a personal affront.... be prepared you really do find out who really has your back.
I have been given my life back, my relationship with my children is unrecognisable, (although it took them some adjusting to the mum they should have had all along!)
I am coming up to three years sober now and have two occasions when I re-read a couple of chapters when a 'wheedling voice' started up in my head, took about 20 mins to feel calm and back to what is now my normal.
I have just attended my daughters wedding, without wanting a drink, that would have been UNTHINKABLE to me before,
And best of all I remember every second of it!