I'm adopting DSS. Will I need references?

[jugglingwoman]

We're in a bit of an odd situation as DSS's mother died and all the info on the net seems to be for two dead parents or divorced parents.

DH has helpfully had a 'tidy up' and now we can't find the paperwork. I'm pretty sure I saw somewhere that you need two references, one who couldn't be family.

We have the social worker coming to see me and DH in less than two weeks so I'm slightly worried I should have asked some people!!

You need on family member and friend. Just be ready in your mind who they are going to be and ask them and SS will contact them directly.

Do what would my reference need to do/say?

And does one need to be a family member? My Dad would be useless, Mum would worry lots (and has a good history of negativity), my sister would be perfect but is in the process of separating from my BIL and has a history of mental illness so I don't know if they'd accept her and my brother lives hundreds of miles away and has only met DSS about 10 times.

With adoption SWs are keen to know you can maintain relationships.
There are issues if you cannot be at peace with family members of how accepting you are of those closest to you.

SWs are used to dealing with all sorts of people who have all sorts of family dynamics, if your dad is "useless" but you can still be at peace with him, they will see that as a positive. If your mum is negative they will have seen that before.

They just need to know you are the person you make yourself out to be, and that your life story is correct.

If everyone else is local and you pick your brother they will be slightly suspicious!

Plump for mum or dad, that's my advice.

Fair enough. My parents are very local-they live round the corner! TBH, I get on well with all of my family (as does DSS) so that's fine really, just makes you worry about what they think is important!

Do I need to know who they are before the SW turns up?!