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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Is adoption possible when you have 2 biological children?

19 replies

Georgeous · 14/05/2009 08:45

I am a mum of one, expecting second baby in August. Obviously my husband and I won't be rushing to adopt any time soon, but it's always been a long-term wish of ours to adopt a child. When we were doing marriage prep the vicar asked us how many children we would like. We both separately said 3 or 4, including at least one adopted child. I have heard recently though that childless couples are usually favoured by SS. Is this true? And if so, why?

OP posts:

mumo75 · 14/05/2009 11:14

ive got 3 'home grown' children & about to adopt my 3rd child!! 6 in total!!!

so yes it is possible

Original poster

Georgeous · 14/05/2009 11:36

Hey, that's great news! Hats off to you. Just out of interest, what was the age gap between your last biological child and your first adopted one? Would our kids have to be much older before we'd be considered as adopters?

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 14/05/2009 13:06

most coial workers except at least 2 year age gao some 3. Some social worker s prefer childless couples becasue they can devote theeir time to the child not divide it, other social workers prefer existing parents because they have more experience.

All would expect at least a 2-3 year age gap.

mumo75 · 14/05/2009 17:54

3.5 yrs apart between my birth child & adopted

mumo75 · 14/05/2009 17:54

3.5 yrs apart between my birth child & adopted

Original poster

Georgeous · 14/05/2009 19:02

Thanks guys

I guess that means I'll wait till DC2 is at least 18 months/ 2 years old before I start the process. I know it can take a long time to be approved, and then a long time after that (potentially) to be matched with a child, so I guess that would be decent timing.

What about adopting a child that is older than birth children? Is that allowed?

OP posts:

KristinaM · 15/05/2009 01:01

no, they wont place a child out of birth order

do you mind if i ask why you wish to adopt?

Original poster

Georgeous · 15/05/2009 07:34

Sure Kristina - it's just something I've wanted to do for years - there are lots of children out there waiting for families, and I feel we have lots of love to give. I suppose it's a case of being a mum to a child who is already here and in need of parents rather than "creating" a child.

Luckily, my husband feels the same. Ever since we met we have discussed adopting a child/children. It just feels like the right thing to do.

However, we are in no rush, obviously! I am going to enjoy the babyhood and toddlerhood of child number 2 and when they're a bit older I will look into adoption. I thought I would start a thread now to answer a few questions I have. I know there are often older children waiting, and as I will have young kids was curious to know if they would place an older child in a family with young children. It's good to have the answers now so that I know what to expect.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 16/05/2009 12:36

i understand. its just that young healthy children are not in need of families - there are families queueing up to adopt them. so if you and your Dh want to adopt a child who is in need of a loving family, you might think of adopting an older and/or special needs child

any child placed would need to be younger than children already in the family.this is so that you will have enough time and space to meet the child's needs

its also for safety, as many of these children will have suffered physical and sexual abuse, as well as neglect. they can be violent and have behavioural problems. so they wont consider placing them in a family with younger children

HTH

Original poster

Georgeous · 16/05/2009 16:03

That makes sense. I wouldn't rule out adopting a child with special needs at all - it would depend on the level and type of disability I suppose. And whether or not I felt I could meet all of that child's needs as well as the needs of my other children.

And I wouldn't mind adopting an older child, but obviously that would have to be years away, given what you have said about birth order.

Still, it's good to get all this info now so that I can adjust my expectations accordingly

OP posts:

KristinaM · 16/05/2009 18:27

I know - its a lot to get your head round

Please don't feel that you wont be considered just because you have biological children. parenting experience is an asset

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 18/05/2009 00:14

I'm in a similar situation gorgeous, though we have only 1 biological child so far, but we'd be very keen to adopt an older child....

Original poster

Georgeous · 18/05/2009 10:21

Thanks Kristina, that's encouraging

And Mouseyhair - good to know I'm not the only one! I know that adoption is tough in some ways, but I'm sure it must be very rewarding too. The best things in life are not always easy.

OP posts:

FSB · 22/05/2009 22:41

you're definitely the only one Georgeous... we're on the same wavelength, although our DD1 isn't due for another few weeks, so we're a few years behind you. But adoption is certainly the plan, if we can make it work. good luck with the process when you do start it.

RLJ · 21/06/2009 05:49

I have been terrified to talk to anyone about adoption because I already have bio children.
I joined an adoption board on yahoo groups and was worried to say anything at all on there because I kept hearing how these parents are trying so hard to adopt to even just have one child.
I have always wanted a large family (I came from a family of three and always wished for more siblings).
I will test the waters for the first time and say that I have four children by birth. After my youngest was born I developed a cyst on my ovary and had to have it removed. Since then I have been unable to get pregnate.
My husband and I would love more children and to have a baby in the house again. Wanting to have one has gotten so bad that it is hard to look at people holding their babies.
I love being a mother. I love everything about it, and now that my children are 18,17,13, and 10 I watch them growing up and I am so proud of how much they have done and all they are doing. I have been to every track meet, every gymnastics performance, every tap dance class, every choir and band concert, and every school function they have had.
I know that in only a few more years I could be a grandma, but that isn't the same as being a mother.
I am so afraid that no agency would even consider us because of already having children. We are both under 40 years old so it isn't our age that would be an issue, and we are both in perfect health.

Mumo75 - How much of an age difference was there between your bio children and adopted children? Do you think that the ages of my children and an infant adoption would be too much?

Any advice that you can offer would be great, thanks!

daisysue2 · 22/06/2009 11:02

Hi RLJ I have two adopted daughters they are birth siblings who were adopted seperately. We are in Surrey and were told that we could apply to adopt again once my youngest daughter was 6. She is turning 6 this week so will be looking into it. So with the ages of your children it shouldn't be a problem. I know if you are of any ethnicity other than white you will find you will adopt quicker but otherwise it can take around 2 years before you finally are placed with a child. Also if you are prepared to take a child with SNs it will happen much quicker as those are obviously the children who are waiting. My daughter is autistic which we didn't know about when we adopted her and probably wouldn't have put it on our list of SNs we would take but we obviously don't have any problems with it. But you must think carefully about special needs you would take. I also help out at Adoption UK and know that a lot of adoptions do have problems so think about it. I think you would probably be jumped at by social workers because of your experience, especially to adopt children with problems.

mumo75 · 22/06/2009 20:30

RLJ

my children--
22yrs-birth
20yrs-birth
16yrs-birth

14yrs-adopted
8yrs-adopted
2yrs-in process of adopting

only 2.8months between last birth child & 1st adopted

RLJ · 23/06/2009 03:05

Thank you for your quick replies. It makes me feel better to know that other people are looking for a large family and are able to adopt even if they have older children.
We are looking into domestic adoption because we would like to adopt an infant rather than a toddler.
We have been looking all over to find an agency or someone to work with but are not sure who is/isn't good. I have found some online but then I find reviews saying they are horrible by some people with other people saying they are wonderful.
Any advice would be great.
Thank you!

Kewcumber · 23/06/2009 10:42

domestic vs intercountry will not have a significant differnce to whether you can get an infant (considered to be under 2 in this country but under 12 months in others) rather than a toddler. I adopted a child under 12 months not domestically.

Domestic concurrent planning (foster to adopt) will get you a baby almost from birth but with a chance (10-20%) that the baby may return to their birth family.

BEcasue the majority of adopters in this country want a baby as young as possible, lacing social worker are often spoilt for choice about which family they will place with, it is possible (depending on the social worker) that they will be put off larger families on the basis that an adopted child may get less attention than if they were an only child or one of two say.

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