Good answers to daft questions?

[BarbadosMama]

It's nearly 6 years since we adopted DS1 and yet I still find myself groping for a good response to people's daft questions. When we visit the UK, people are generally studiously polite, avoiding any reference to the obvious colour difference (DS!1 & DS2 are black, DH & I are white) but here in the Caribbean (particularly if we visit one of the smaller islands) people don't hold back. I have lost count of the number of people who pass me in the street and say with no preamble "Is that your son?" and when I say "Yes" then respond with "For true?" Sometimes I respond to the first question with "Yes, he is my adopted son" which stops the follow up questions but usually I don't cos it's none of their business. I also sometimes get the more offensive "Where did you get him/them from?" as if they came from a shop.

My main defence mechanism is that I have become deliberately deafer as time has gone on and fail to hear most of these questions.I personally prefer to avoid being directly rude back if I can, provided the daft question isn't really really rude. But I thought maybe we could swap notes on the daftest questions and bounce around some good answers that leave us and our children feeling good.

"Where did you get him from?"

I chose him.

Oooh I like that one NumberJill - hard for people to follow up and a positive message for the child

I would say something like

"oh, I think its about 2 o'clock"

or

" yes the weather is lovely today"

and walk on

My birth parents are Jamaican and Irish. I was brought up in a white community by white adoptive parents.

People would often ask my mother what language I would speak !!! she was pretty indignant about that one! My father always used to show (surprised)people a photo of me he carried in his wallet and used to say - that's my daughter, doesn't she look like me?

I know this is a different situation to yours, but as an adopted child I love hearing about the questions my parents were asked & the sometimes sarcastic responses my mum used to give - 'yes, out of all my children, she was the easiest labour'

I love your mum and dad sandy4.

Thanks CC

sandy - I also say to people in a slightly surprised tone - "don't you think he looks like me?" and the mist bizarre thing is... most of them then agree that he does!!!

Photos on profile will prove that he looks nothing like me.

I answer all supid and unwelcome questions (if I answer at all) with "why do you ask?". Occasionally if the answer is reasonable - perhaps they are thinking of adopting themselves for example - then I explain about the adoption if not I pass the question to DS (aged 2.7) to answer. The answer in that case is quite often - blue car Mummy!

"Why your baby brown?" (Also suffer intrusive questions in Singapore)

"I think it's the amount of melanin in the skin."

That usually shuts them up.

"Is that your real baby."

"Seems pretty real to me."

Gotta love your dad Sandy