Questions from CPR ....

[Anya83]

Hi
We have a potential match with a little girl that sounds a great match for our family. We were sent the CPR on Friday and I read through the 80 page document over the weekend. I'm just wondering if it is normal to go back with lots of questions? I'm starting to feel like i'm working as a detective trying to uncover things which feels a bit wrong! But some things that seem quite signifigant seem to be played down ( eg, level of alcohol use in pregnancy, potential genetic disorders) and I'm pretty sure the majority of people would ask lots of questions... I just felt this morning like a bit of a Karen writing an email to her social worker with 15 questions on 😂. Is this normal? It is such a big decision and we had a family member who adopted that really regretted not asking more but I don't want ot fall into the catergory of being a very awkward person!

Hi. You can certainly ask. Do you think anything would be a no from you or are you drawn to this child anyway? It is really unusual to find children with no significant issues. You can always use the info to try to get an adoption allowance. Good luck x

This is the biggest decision you’ll ever make so you must ask questions. My
DC’s background is quite straightforward (no particular health issues or concerns about alcohol usage etc) and we still had tons of questions. In fact, our SW had his own list of questions for the child’s SW and it was 2 sides of A4!
Good luck.

@Anya83 you should ask for anything you have a question mark on, but keep in mind that to protect the child you won't get all the information in the beginning. As the match progresses you will get more details By the time you go to panel you should have received all the information they have in file and also spoken to the doctor. We received the placement order transcripts and also the psychological assessment in addition to the MAR. I was constantly chasing up documents and our SW was great help trying yo get the information from the child's LA.

As things progressed I found the CPR had a lot of errors and also inconsistencies with the MAR. As you can tell I asked a lot of questions and in the end we got to the bottom of it and got CPR corrected.

Also the meeting with the LOsfoster carer was by far the most informative to give a picture of the child and issues and this happens early on.

If you do feel that later down the line and before you go to panel that something doesn't feel right, you can still stop the match. it's not ideal, but in the long term it will be best for everyone.

All the best with the match!

It's normal and definitely recommended to ask although it may not be possible to have every question answered. You don't say the age but the younger the child, the less will be known about any developmental concerns.

The two examples you list are quite different: the level of alcohol use during pregnancy may not be known, and even if it is, it's both extremely common in children approved for adoption, and difficult to predict the long term effects of anyway (beyond knowing it comes with certain risks). Whereas if a potential genetic disorder is suspected, medical testing should have commenced and you should - further down the line - have the opportunity to speak with a doctor.

Ask all your questions. This is likely to be the most important decision you will make in your life.

As others have said, there won't always be clear cut answers relating to past issues like alcohol in pregnancy or future questions like how this child's development will play out. If you are leaning towards progressing with this match, ask to meet with the medical advisor sooner rather than later. They won't necessarily have concrete answers either but I found their scientific way of presenting the information easier to digest than the woollier 80-page document.

Don't think of yourself as being awkward. You are potentially about to become a parent to a child with SEN. You will need a strong backbone and a thick skin to be able to navigate and advocate for the services your child will need. Asking difficult questions now is excellent practice for getting into that role.

Thank you all for taking the time for responding , that's very reassuring that I'm not alone in asking lots of questions!
It does feel like the biggest decision of our lives and I think it feels particularly hard as we have a birth child who is 11 at home so worry about the impact on them.
The child we are exploring the match with is 3, nearly 4 and does have some physical health problems which we feel we could manage, but the last time they saw the medical assessor was nearly 2 years ago . Obviously there is huge developmental changes between nearly 2 and nearly 4 so we feel this needs to be updated .
It is known the birth mum used cocaine in pregnancy and has a history of alcohol use . There is some mention in a forensic psychiatrist report of the drug use being substantial but no other comments about this .
@GreenMountainView please can you tell me what the MAR is ? We haven't heard of that .
Thanks again 😊

Hate the term Karen for women just being assertive.

But regardless, you are being sensible asking questions.
2 types of questions:

• those that you need to make a decision - you need these. Especially if child has not seen medical person recently
• those to help transition - these can be left for now

Foster Carer is a very good source of info on day to day life.

Good luck.

@Anya83 MAR is the medical assessment report. You will receive that as well, if the match progresses.
My understanding is that every child in care has to have two health assessments per year, one by the LAC nurse and another by the LAC doctor. At least this was the case where we are in the South East. If the last time they saw an assessor was 2 years ago, this is shocking.
Is it possible that the CPR hasn't been updated to include recent health assessments? It's worth asking your SW, if you've not done that already.

Good luck!

@GreenMountainView thank you , that's really helpful to know ! I thought 2 years seemed a long time ago ! I would like to say it was because the CPR hasn't been updated but we were told was the updated version ( the number of typos in it though was clear has been rushed ). I will follow that up , thanks x