Contested Adoption Question

[YourOpenGreenDreamer]

Hi all,

Me and my partner are quite advanced in our adoption, we've been approved, matched and transitions have just started, however on doing a bit more research into how the process works after transitions, we've found out that birth parents can contest the adoption when we start the ball rolling with the court process in a last ditch attempt to get their child back, and this has got us a little worried.

We're not 100% sure but we're fairly confident that our SW hasn't told us about this at any point during the process, but it's been a long and complex process and we may have missed it, in which case, fair enough, that's on us...

From what we've read, and what we know about birth parents, it's very, very, unlikely to be successful if they do attempt to contest the adoption court order, and we've done plenty of Google'ing and can't find many stories at all where birth parents have been successful, but we've just wondering, is there any statistics out there that give an actual over view of the rate of success?

As I said, we know it's very unlikely, but it's still a scary though.

Thank you all!

It is vanishingly rare. They would need permission to even apply to revoke the Order, and they would not even get through the first stage of that (permission) application unless they could show a change of circumstances since the Placement Order that warrants it. Even if they could do that (which is virtually impossible) they would then have to satisfy the court that it was in the child's welfare interests to grant permission (again vanishingly unlikely). They are horrible hearings that invariably give birth parents false hope. I am not aware of any statistics, and doubt very much there would be any, given the private nature of the proceedings, but have never seen or heard of a successful application, even at the permission stage.

We’ve adopted twice. On the first occasion, BP didn’t contest and it was all very straight forward. On the second occasion BM very unexpectedly turned up at court to state she contested.

We were beside ourselves and I remember googling statistics like you’re asking for. Our social worker assured us it was almost unheard of and, although BM contesting meant more paper work and a delay in our daughter becoming ‘ours’, in the end it was all fine.

We were told there wouldn’t be enough time for BM to demonstrate she’d ‘changed’ her lifestyle and could keep a child safe so it would not go in her favour.

The extra paperwork was quite shocking for us to read, highlighting more reasons why AC should not be with BM than we’d previously been aware of. Once we read the report we were much more confident that AC would not return to BM.

It was a decade ago but I still remember how stressful we all found it. It was so emotionally draining - look after yourself and remember that statistics massively favour you.

Hey, from one parent of an AC to another...this is tough. Our AC's birth mum contested. We were assured by our SW that there was no way it would go anywhere. We were also told that birth parent's are encouraged to contest so that they can show their birth child they did everything they could to keep them if asked later in life. I personally feel this gives birth parents hope at a time they really don't have any but may not understand that. As others have said the birth parents have to show such changes in behaviours, environments, relationships and prolonged changes for any kind of consideration to be given to the contest. The AC will have also been with adopted parents for some time at this point and the loving and safe relationship and environment they are in, and the harm in removing they from that, will also be considered. It's been 2.5 years since our AC's adoption was contested and we live a happy, lovely life with our child who is the best thing that has happen to us, alongside his brother. Hold on a little longer. You are so close to the end of this tough process and it is so worth it in the end xxx

Thanks all, very reassuring posts here, much appreciated.

I get that the legal process is what it is for a reason, but it does feel like it's giving false hope to the birth parents while causing weeks/months of stress for the adoptive parents and a mountain of extra work for SW's and the courts...

I remember our social worker saying exactly this

The reason it’s like that is because it’s a very serious thing to irrevocably remove a parents right to their child. There has often been a long period of time from the child being removed from their birth parent to an adoption order being placed and people do change - often not enough and not consistently enough to return the child - but the birth parent deserves the right to their day in court.

If it were your child that had been removed, and you didn’t understand why, felt you were unfairly treated in a system that is incredibly complex, were struggling with mental ill health, or addiction and felt unsupported, you’d want to try too.

Yes it’s very hard on adopters, but much harder on birth parents who don’t love their child any less despite not being able to care for them. They aren’t trying to spoil your hopes and dreams, they’re making a last ditch effort to not loose their child forever. That they are unlikely to succeed doesn’t change the desire to try.

I agree, as I said, I understand that the process is what it is for a reason.

Not suggesting that I disagree with the theory behind it, but my point was more that it seems that given, from what I can tell, 99% of appeals are unsuccessful, it's more of a box ticking exercise that causes delays, stress, anxiety and upset for all parties.

I don't think anyone who puts themselves through the process of being approved as an adopter is under any illusion of how serious and impactful it is to remove a child from their birth parents. This is something that is covered in the training and throughout the numerous interviews you do through the process. I say that as someone who has a birth child and an adopted child. I can not imagine what it would be like to have my child removed from me.

I completely appreciate the challenges birth parents face, their lives are often filled with complications so many of us can't understand.However, also know how much support my child's birth mum had to enable her to stay with them from support through pregnancy, a protected mother and baby unit and years of paperwork. There were so many chances. Our situation was a little different and meant that birth mum had two years after birth to show a change in behaviour and so much social worker support.

I am not saying this to criticise her. She loves her child so much. I don't think it's about who it's harder for. I think unless you've been an adopter and a birth parent who's child has been removed you can't understand either or both sides.

It's about the children above everything else, they will have so much to navigate in life and they didn't ask for that.

If you search forums, you will come across many, many posts like yours.

Our adoption was contested in three different ways (very complicated story - and don't worry, that won't happen to you). None came of it.

It is very worrying at the time, but I would try to look at the positives. My children's birth family fought tooth and nail to be able to keep them and that is good for my children to know. Pretty every adopted child will be told by another ignorant child at school at some point that their parents did not want them. Contesting the adoption proves the opposite. My children were loved and wanted by everyone. Not everyone was able to express that love, but they did express that they wanted them. In the long run, that is helpful.

Thanks, yes, since posting I've gone back through 40+ pages of topics in the Adoption subforum on here and read some very interesting and reassuring threads on the subject.

I think it just came as a bit of a surprise to us, as I said in my first post, neither me or my partner can recall being told about this during the process.