Positive adoption experiences when you already have a biological child?

[Mazzald]

Has anyone got any positive stories about adoption?. We already have a daughter who is 5 years old, however I have had 7 miscarriages since her birth. I desperately want another child. Has anyone had experience adopting having already had a biological child?

Adoption is for the child's benefit not the adult's.

Would you have considered adoption had you not had issues conceiving your second child? There are people with positive stories and those how don't have them. Adoptee's aren't a consolation prize. Using words like you desperately want a second child is very you focused and not child focused. You are also unlikely to be given an infant. Are you prepared to parent an older child?

Can adoption not be for the benefit of the child AND the parent?, Being a parent is a blessing. My husband and I have a lot of love and support to offer a child but the worry is for our biological child and how it would affect them. It would be a huge adjustment. I have read a lot of negative stories and I’m asking people to share some positive ones. Do you have one?
From what I’ve read on multiple adoption websites, I would likely be given a child younger than mine. Adoption is something that my husband and I discussed before we had any biological children, but had planned on having two naturally beforehand. And now as I sit here having had my 7th miscarriage diagnosed today, the conversation has been brought forward. Cheers

Adoption is (supposed/does sometimes) offer a permanent, safe and secure home for the child. So, yes, it's primarily for the child's benefit. Perhaps, if you haven't already, consider reading books like the Primal Wound, The Body keeps the score and other similar reads.

Do you have a positive story?

The Google machine will give you postive stories or I'm sure another commentor will.

Here's some cons:

Adopted people are over represented in the mental health and prison services. Are at least 4 x more likely to try to commit suicide (more recent studies say it's more).

https://blog.nchs.org/guide-7-core-issues-adoption

Many people who have been adopted struggle to make sense of their identity and place in their adoptive families. They may feel disconnected from their cultural heritage and experiences that could have been part of their life had they not been adopted. People who have been adopted may also grapple with guilt or abandonment when forming relationships with friends, family members, partners, or future children who will never know their birth parents or vice versa.

The Long-Term Impact on Identity
People who have been adopted often struggle with a complex sense of identity due to their loss. This can manifest in different ways depending on the individual, but it usually includes feelings of confusion, shame, or inadequacy. Remember, these feelings are normal and valid; they don't make an adoptee any less valuable or loved by those around them. Having a solid support system—including other adoptees—can help an individual better process their identity as someone who has been adopted over time.

Influence on Relationships
The loss experienced by people who have been adopted can also harm their relationships with others. This can often lead to feeling disconnected from one's family or friends. It may also cause an individual to feel like they have difficulty connecting with people emotionally or trusting them. Conversations about these feelings can help individuals build stronger connections with those around them and find solace in meaningful relationships with family members and friends.

Mental Health Repercussions
The feeling of loss has been linked to numerous mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, and more. For many adoptees, understanding the root cause of these issues is critical to addressing them healthily and seeking necessary help. Some resources available include therapy, support groups specifically for adoptees and their families, online forums/blogs/websites dedicated to adoption topics, workshops aimed at helping individuals cope with the pain associated with adoption losses, and more.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21179553/?fbclid=IwVERDUATfOyNleHRuA2FlbQIxMABzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAwzNTA2ODU1MzE3MjgAAR7mVpN2ODdcH3UaCYC-nXaMGbgZeMNH94xexdVvYaGiObuOUWNBH5YE7fHmJA_aem_4Jt-ZioR1aYMSRJ3aVF3PQ

A decades-long nationwide Danish study followed over 13,000 adoptees.
They found that adoptees were 30% more likely to die before age 65 compared to non-adoptees.
This wasn’t just from one cause. It spanned across:
Cancer
Infections
Vascular disease
Alcohol-related deaths
Suicide
Even beyond age 65, adoptees continued to show significantly higher mortality from all-cause, cancer, alcohol-related deaths, and suicide.

It really depends on who's positivity you're looking for. Adoption is a traumatic life long event for the adopted person. Issues may present as younger children or as they grow older.

@Mazzald I never post on here but I really wanted to ballance the rhetoric of the other poster because my personal experience is the opposite of what they have said to you & if this is your first time exploring an adoption board I want you to be far mire supported! I was deeply supported through the adoption process by a fantastic SW who knew my long history of infertility/IVF and that my journey, like yours had led to adoption. At no point was I asked if I would have considered adoption had I been able to concieve so I wouldn't give much thought to what was said to you above. Fortunately I was not made to feel that I was wrong to deeply want a family and was told that this was an absolutely ok position to begin my adoption journey from. Wanting to build a family isn't a "wrong" motivation. Like you will, I educated myself on adoption and all it entailed. Since then my family has grown (significantly!) & it has been beautiful. I chose the early permanence route and so a new born was placed with me so look into that. From experience on these board many people say many things but every family is different, every agency and sw is different so do your own research, phone agencies & remember the only person who you need to unpack your motivations with is your SW. (A small aside, I was told multiple times on this board that you need to wait 2.5 years between IVF & adoption. This is not my experience so don't be put off if you read that anywhere. Your SW don't need a certain amount of months to have passed, they just need to know that your family are ready.) Im sorry I cant answer specifically about your original question. I just wanted yo ballance the above. All the very best!

Thank you so much for your supportive message. You sound like a wonderful person and both you and your children are very lucky to have found each other x

Appreciate the copy and paste 🫶🏼