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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Newbie

20 replies

Quackers79 · 02/09/2020 12:24

Hey Everyone...
Newbie to adoption we have been approved to start stage 1.
News today ❤️
We are excited but nervous and scared.
Just wondered if anyone else is start the process and would like stay in contact for some mutual support, I’d love to hear how others are feeling and where they are at.
I understand with all the COVID issues there won’t be many / if any chances to talk to others through workshops/courses will be all on line.
Looking forward to chatting with anyone on this journey .
🥰🤗

OP posts:

MrsMarvellous · 02/09/2020 19:24

Hi Quackers,

Welcome! I am a little further on than you (we are in stage 2 and have our panel in a few weeks) but more than happy to chat and help in anyway I can.

There's so many super knowledgeable people here and posts worth reading.

Good luck with your journey, x

tinkerbell53 · 02/09/2020 19:47

Hi,

We are also just starting the process (in Scotland) so slightly different, We are waiting on preparation training dates (albeit virtual) for later this month hopefully!

Staying in touch would be good as I too am worried about the impact COVID will have on meeting others at the same stage.

organicapricot · 02/09/2020 21:24

Hi there. This is a really helpful forum and has helped me during the process. We have just come through the process and our LO was placed with us last week. She's doing so well so far.
Whilst I'm not an expert by any means, as someone just coming out the other side of approvals/matching, feel free to ask any questions! Good luck with it all x

Honeybee45 · 03/09/2020 08:02

Hi Quackers

We are mid way through stage 2 and as yet we haven't 'met' anyone else going through the process at the same time due to Covid as all our training has been virtual. We have panel booked for October. Good luck on your journey

Original poster

Quackers79 · 03/09/2020 09:09

@MrsMarvellous

Hi Quackers,

Welcome! I am a little further on than you (we are in stage 2 and have our panel in a few weeks) but more than happy to chat and help in anyway I can.

There's so many super knowledgeable people here and posts worth reading.

Good luck with your journey, x

Hi Mrs marvellous... thanks for the post, I’m so excited for your panel in a few weeks. Good luck 🙏

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Original poster

Quackers79 · 03/09/2020 09:16

@tinkerbell53

Hi,

We are also just starting the process (in Scotland) so slightly different, We are waiting on preparation training dates (albeit virtual) for later this month hopefully!

Staying in touch would be good as I too am worried about the impact COVID will have on meeting others at the same stage.

Hi tinkerbell53 Thanks for your post. Exciting to get started on the prep workshops. Just having some mutual support going through the same process is great 👍 We are on our first workshop 5/11 so a while off, we couldn’t make the first one we was offered... just trying to be patient .. expecting delays.. just taken 3 wks from filling the form/ talking to social worker before being accepted to start stage 1 🙈

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Original poster

Quackers79 · 03/09/2020 09:22

@organicapricot

Hi there. This is a really helpful forum and has helped me during the process. We have just come through the process and our LO was placed with us last week. She's doing so well so far. Whilst I'm not an expert by any means, as someone just coming out the other side of approvals/matching, feel free to ask any questions! Good luck with it all x

Hi organicapricot.. congratulations on your little one . Great to hear this🥰 How long did the process take for you ? How did you find it ?how was the interrogations.? Did you have a good social worker ? How did you find the matching/ family finding process ? It by far sounds the hardest process. We are open minded to Foster to adopt but with our loss/ivf history we are not sure how this will affect us. I’m trying to be patient but eager to get started... 😘

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Original poster

Quackers79 · 03/09/2020 09:26

@Honeybee45

Hi Quackers

Hi honeybee Thanks for the post. Have you found it hard going through the process having not Met anybody? It’s a Shame they couldn’t arrange something to get you all together albeit socially distanced ... I’ve heard of zoom picnic/parties. Excited for your panel .. good luck.🙏 How long did it take to get through stage 1/2? How have you found the process? How are you feeling about panel and matching ? 😘

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Honeybee45 · 03/09/2020 12:06

@Quackers79
Our stage 1 took longer than expected as we went into lockdown just as they were trying to get all our references so there was a lot of delay especially with work references as they were posted to work premises but most had shut by then and people were working from home. I think it took around 13 weeks in total to get everything together. Then early in stage 2 I had a family bereavement so we had to take a few weeks break and panel was put back from Sept to Oct. So we started stage 1 in early March and are at panel end of Oct so it will have been around 8 months in total.
Yes we'd have liked to have met some other people going through the process at the same time, our agency are hoping to set up a WhatsApp group for all those in stage 1 and 2 in the next few weeks.
I am both excited and nervous for panel in equal measure!

mothmandosog · 03/09/2020 18:15

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

organicapricot · 03/09/2020 20:08

@Quackers79 it took 14 months from first home visit to placement date. We finished stage 2 assessment luckily just before lock down and approval and matching panel was via Skype. We had a great social worker so we got to know her really well and didn't feel too intrusive. We were given a brief profile of our LO before we were approved (anonymously) who then went on to now be placed so we didn't look through lots of profiles or use link maker which must be hard. We also considered F2A but didn't think it was the route for us as I don't think I could deal with the loss albeit this is slim. The time leading to approval panel seemed to be forever but since then its whizzed past and can't believe our LO is now fast asleep upstairs.

Original poster

Quackers79 · 06/09/2020 15:24

[quote Honeybee45]@Quackers79
Our stage 1 took longer than expected as we went into lockdown just as they were trying to get all our references so there was a lot of delay especially with work references as they were posted to work premises but most had shut by then and people were working from home. I think it took around 13 weeks in total to get everything together. Then early in stage 2 I had a family bereavement so we had to take a few weeks break and panel was put back from Sept to Oct. So we started stage 1 in early March and are at panel end of Oct so it will have been around 8 months in total.
Yes we'd have liked to have met some other people going through the process at the same time, our agency are hoping to set up a WhatsApp group for all those in stage 1 and 2 in the next few weeks.
I am both excited and nervous for panel in equal measure![/quote]
Hey honeybee thanks for getting back to me..
COVID has made lots of things ten times harder , frustrating for u .l
Sorry for your family bereavement.
Doesn’t sound too long really but must feel forever as your sat waiting.
I bet you are nervous yet excited 😊

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Original poster

Quackers79 · 06/09/2020 15:34

[quote organicapricot]@Quackers79 it took 14 months from first home visit to placement date. We finished stage 2 assessment luckily just before lock down and approval and matching panel was via Skype. We had a great social worker so we got to know her really well and didn't feel too intrusive. We were given a brief profile of our LO before we were approved (anonymously) who then went on to now be placed so we didn't look through lots of profiles or use link maker which must be hard. We also considered F2A but didn't think it was the route for us as I don't think I could deal with the loss albeit this is slim. The time leading to approval panel seemed to be forever but since then its whizzed past and can't believe our LO is now fast asleep upstairs.[/quote]
Hey organicapricot..
14 mth doesn’t sound to bad all included really ... albeit hard for you guys going through it..
I’m sure with out a doubt all worth it 🥰
That’s good news re the social worker .. it’s a worry to think what they will dig at ...
The social worker asked me over the phone call interview .. the question I knew it would be asked...
Question being ... do you think you could love an adopted child , having lost your own we would never want the child be second best.
It’s such an unfair thing to say of course we would have wanted our own .. but we haven’t been given that chance we will never know the difference as our adopted children will be our children it’s all we will ever know.
🙈
I know their reasons for questions ... but all makes me anxious 😟
How was the panel ?
Sounds scary ... must have been a little easier in the comfort of your own home.

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melon301 · 08/09/2020 08:34

Hi everyone! We are just starting out, have found the agency we want to use so not it's just a case of filling in the first form. Nervous, excited, scared all in one!

Travelface · 09/09/2020 17:51

Hey Quackers

We’ve just started stage 1 too, we have our first meeting with the SW on Monday, I’m nervous but excited and impatient to get properly started. It would be great to be in contact here with others at the same stage so that we can compare notes.

Hopefully we’ll find out about our training dates in the meeting on Monday, in the meantime is there anything anyone can recommend that we should do or read to get a head start?

HayleyC31 · 09/09/2020 19:10

@Quackers79

Hey Everyone... Newbie to adoption we have been approved to start stage 1. News today ❤️ We are excited but nervous and scared. Just wondered if anyone else is start the process and would like stay in contact for some mutual support, I’d love to hear how others are feeling and where they are at. I understand with all the COVID issues there won’t be many / if any chances to talk to others through workshops/courses will be all on line. Looking forward to chatting with anyone on this journey . 🥰🤗

Hiya Quackers,

Congrats on getting through to stage one. We had our Adoption Foundation Day today and will be receiving a call tomorrow to move us into stage one so we will be at the same stage together :) x

HayleyC31 · 09/09/2020 19:19

Hiya ladies,

I had my Adoption Foundation Day today so should be heading into stage one very shortly :) Did anyone have any trouble booking their medical with all Covid going on? Also what is actually involved in the medical? x

HayleyC31 · 09/09/2020 19:21

Hiya, we have been advised the first book to read is What every parent needs to know by Margot Sunderland x

organicapricot · 09/09/2020 20:48

@Quackers79 they do ask some questions like this. To be honest I found the social worker we were assigned in stage 2 to be more pragmatic than the initial adoption adviser and social workers who did our initial home visits. I guess it depends on the individual. A lot of people come to adoption after infertility and/or ivf (us included) and they want to ensure that adoption is a positive choice and not a back up plan. I explained that after ivf had been unsuccessful, we took a step back and thought about why we were doing it and the reason was that we wanted a family and to provide a safe and loving home for a child and to be parents. I didn't have a huge desire to be pregnant so felt that adoption was the right choice for us and we could achieve the family we wanted in a different way to what we initially imagined.
I did find the hypothetical questions quite hard as how do you know unless you're in that situation and when you're talking about an unknown child. We just referred to our own experiences and how we would use that in our own parenting.

organicapricot · 09/09/2020 20:53

Panel was really much better than I expected. They give you the questions they want to ask you in advance and if you have got to panel, then the social worker feels you are ready. It was only the chair speaking to us so as it was a Skype, was a bit easier to forget the others on the panel!

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