Is Adoption is good or Bad?

[SaimaM75]

Hello everyone,

I am 44 years old and had three IVF treatments.

I need your advice, suggestions and personal experience, especially from adopters, as I am considering to go for adoption very seriously.

Can I go for it? It will be very helpful. Thanks
xxx

It's harder than anything you will ever do. It takes everything that you are and more.

Getting approved to adopt is a long hard process but that is nothing to how hard it actually is to care nurture and bring up adopted children.

You can not fix adopted children. They have problems even if adopted at a very young age.
Dont go into this with rose tinted glasses on.

It can bring joy and fulfilment but you are your child or children's advocate from day one in ways you never dreamed of. You still love your children that you adopted with all that you are, but it is tough and it is not the same as having a birth child.

I would talk to adopters, go to a meeting in your local county council authority which is run for prospective adopters. Read up on it and make your decision accordingly.

It's harder than anything you will ever do. It takes everything that you are and more.

We chose adoption over fertility treatment because for me personally out of the two it was the easier option. I refused point blank to even consider having fertility treatment based on a variety of reasons.

It is a hard and painful process just to be approved and it is definitely not the same as being a child's birth parent.

There is a recent thread on here called is adoption ever plains sailing which is probably worth a read.

My LO does have issues as a result of the trauma she's experienced but she can also be an absolute joy to be around.

There's certainly nothing in what you've written that would prevent you from adopting. If you're seriously considering it then I would recommend reading up on the impact of attachment and trauma on children and reading some of the many U.K. based adoption blogs out there.

We were unable to have biological children so adoption was our only chance to have children.
We adopted a boy and a girl from Russia. I wouldn't change a thing. I love my children enormously and although our adoption journey was very, very difficult for both the adoptions there were some very good experiences too. We've made some good friends along the way too.

Its not really a question of whether adoption is good or bad. Adoption can be a very positive experience for both adopters and adoptees. It can also be very challenging. But nor does challenging equal 'bad'.

My son and I have had some very challenging times, I'm sure there will be more ahead. He has also done extraordinarily well for himself, he is taking his place in the world and I am very proud of him.
Very many adopted children have additional needs, some can be very complex. What you need to decide is whether you want to take the risk that adoption carries. It will not be like having a birth child.
You sound quite raw at the moment, you need to give yourself time to come to terms with the loss of birth children.You could do some reading around attachment, trauma, FASD, and attend some information evenings and take it from there.

I adopted at 49 so your age is not an issue. Are you adopting alone or with a partner?

Adiption is not the most difficult hurdle we have faced (can't go into details but it's just not) and I personally found the process relatively simple. Probably less stressful than fertility treatment. But matching was very hard.

We have a birth and adopted child and I love them both equally.

We are lucky our little boy has not had a lot issues, so far!

He came to us at 3, over 5 years ago but as others say, hard work and not plain sailing.

Like all parenting it is not easy and has added uncertainties.

Good luck, echo advice to find out more.