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Adoption

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Original poster

Adoption - pre intros

14 replies

Adoptingdaddy1 · 20/04/2019 17:32

Hi,
Myself and my wife are getting closer to adopting a 7 year old boy. We have an appreciation day in next few weeks but have been told we need to have a small intro with child whilst she's at school before we do, however we still haven't been given a date so obviously can't sort time off with work and our emails and phone calls have been ignored. They're both great people but trying to get a reply is a nightmare. Also at what point will they hand over a photo as we still haven't been given a photo! Anyone else had these problems? Like I say we've both persistently tried but just being ignored.

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Purple1314 · 20/04/2019 17:45

Have you been to matching panel yet? I would have thought you would have had a photo a lot earlier in the matching process - we saw photos and videos before we had agreed to proceed as it gave us more of a picture of what the children were like. The meet up at school might be a "bumping into" meeting although normally you wouldn't necessarily meet the child but see them from a distance. Have they said what the meeting at school is for? Who isn't replying? Your social worker or the local authority ?

Original poster

Adoptingdaddy1 · 20/04/2019 18:04

No, we were told August for panel due to holidays and a few other reasons. We haven't had a single photo just a page of descriptions on what he looks like, both sw and La ain't replying to us.

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Purple1314 · 20/04/2019 19:33

You've had the CPR though with all the background information? Normally there is a photo on the CPR. If you haven't had the CPR this is a crucial read. I'm massively surprised they didn't bring a photo or video with them to their visit to you. Did they give a reason for not bringing it then? Is your social worker from the same Local Authority? How long has it been? Maybe they are on leave? It's not unusual in my experience for the local authority to take a bit of time getting back to you. Sorry lots of questions, it does seem a bit odd if it's been a while...

Dirtyjellycat · 20/04/2019 23:02

We didn’t see a photo of our DS until about 10 days before intros started. Each LA is different - I’m often surprised at the things people say on here as they are so different to our experiences. We finally got a short (5 second) video 7 days before intros began.

Italiangreyhound · 21/04/2019 02:03

I have no advice Adoptingdaddy1 but please keep us posted. Is the child a boy or girl.

Good luck.

Original poster

Adoptingdaddy1 · 21/04/2019 02:13

He's a boy, 7 years old but turns 8 in September so hopefully get through process in time for his birthday. The whole photo thing isn't really an issue it's the no response. We have had the par but no photo in that at all.

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Italiangreyhound · 21/04/2019 03:01

Good luck. XXXX

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 21/04/2019 15:54

August seems a long way away. The lack of photo seems strange - has the boy got a placement order yet?
As a comparison, we were shown a photo of our girls (the eldest was same age as the boy you are hoping for) when their SW came to see us. Once we had said a provisional 'yes' we were also given a videotape (~15 mins?) of both the DDs.
I don't see how you can start to 'bond' with a text description, and I do think feeling an 'attraction' (or at least not a distinct non-attraction) is important.
Perhaps after the appreciation day when you get to say a firm 'yes' would be the time to ask again?
Best wishes.

Purple1314 · 21/04/2019 19:22

Maybe it is to do with the placement order...or they haven't taken a recent one and are waiting for a home visit or something to take one? Glad you have the CPR. Hopefully they get back to you after Easter, best of luck

topcat2014 · 22/04/2019 07:43

Lack of photos wouldn't work for me. Others are probably less shallow though. :) good luck

dimples76 · 22/04/2019 19:07

My LA doesn't let you see a photo until you have read the CPR and still want to go ahead. I didn't see a pic of DS until I met FC - he looked completely different to what I had envisaged, e.g. CPR stated he had light brown hair but it is golden blonde.

It does seem a long delay to MP - shame it can't be earlier so that you have more time together in school holidays. Also seems like a long gap between you meeting him in a few weeks time and intros - surely that's rather confusing for him?

If you're not getting any response you may need to go to their managers.

topcat2014 · 22/04/2019 22:15

@dimples76 - are you not seeing photos on linkmaker or similar then?

All CPR's I have been given to read have come with a handful of photos too.

I wouldn't be deciding to go beyond CPR phase without seeing photo's.

I know that in some cases linkmaker just shows a teddy, but I must admit I just scroll straight past those ones.

dimples76 · 22/04/2019 23:55

No, topcat my DS was from the LA which approved me. I didn't really feel a need to see a photo. I think my LA's rationale is that you should first decide whether you can meet the child's needs and not be influenced by looks. As it happened neither the words or photo really captured him any way. Four and a half years later he looks totally different again.

Original poster

Adoptingdaddy1 · 23/04/2019 15:57

Hi, been busy with work so haven't had time to pop on and reply. Yeah we had the cpr (without photo) but the boy was perfect so we ploughed ahead thinking we'll get to see him before it gets too far, however we are still waiting and I've emailed their managers and had no reply back from them either! It seems as though it's, everything goes at their pace and there terms and we just have to sit and wait until they are ready to engage. The fact this is a really important thing in our lives, we can't/won't walk away from it but in anything else you would basically say shove it! Imagine wanting to buy a car and had customer service like this, you would walk away... Just feels like we're over a barrel and stuck 😔

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