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Original poster

Signing off letters (letterbox)

14 replies

darkriver198868 · 26/11/2018 18:35

I got my settling in letter last week and struggled to figure out how to sign off my response.

They wrote "all the best X and X"

I didn't feel able to write Love and sincerely felt to formal so just wrote "darkriver"

What do you prefer?

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EightWellies · 26/11/2018 19:17

Just writing your name sounds fine to me. What they've written sounds reasonable too. It can be hard to find the right tone, it's so personal, but you don't know each other. To be honest, they'll probably be over the moon just to have received a response.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/11/2018 19:36

I didn't feel able to write Love Yeah, I don't really get writing 'love' to someone you don't know, but some people do. We use best wishes.

To be honest, they'll probably be over the moon just to have received a response. This. It doesn't matter what you choose.

If, like me, you react to social difficulty with inappropriate humour you could try something different each year :-) How about 'yours in Christ' or 'your most humble and obedient servant'?

Original poster
darkriver198868 · 26/11/2018 19:57

@don typically my humour is self depreciating. So I laugh at myself.

It was certainly difficult to set the tone of my response. I obviously left my sadness out of the letter as that goes without saying. I wrote how I was happy the girls were settled and happy etc because I am.

I then gave a brief update about my life as I have had a few things happen since I was placed. I was worried it would look like I was happy to not have the girls in my life. (Definitely not obviously)

Just as a side note I googled how to write good letterbox letters from birth parents and there was barely anything.

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Original poster
darkriver198868 · 26/11/2018 19:58

Since the girls were placed not since I was placed.

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donquixotedelamancha · 26/11/2018 20:08

Just as a side note I googled how to write good letterbox letters from birth parents and there was barely anything.

Adoptive parents find it just as hard. There seems to be little guidance and contact often feels sadly neglected given the more urgent challenges SS face.

As an adoptee and a parent, the following might be what I'd want to read:

  • Emphasise that your children are loved, despite not being able to be with them.
  • Emphasise support for their parents (especially since it's them you are writing to).
  • Include big events. I would want to know positive ones and frankly I'd love it if I heard that out children's BP's lives were improving.
  • Any health issues with wider family.
  • Keep it fairly factual and neutral; but be honest and real.

It's your letter, and should reflect what you want to say; the above are just some ideas. I found it got a bit easier after about letter number 3. Good luck.

Original poster
darkriver198868 · 26/11/2018 20:43

I am worried that I will upset the adopters if I write that I love my children. I feel it's a balancing act. I don't want to upset anyone.

I am meeting them in Jan and I am so worried.

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donquixotedelamancha · 26/11/2018 20:50

I am worried that I will upset the adopters if I write that I love my children.

You will not. They would expect nothing else (though sadly it isn't always the case). I think the important bit is to be clear that you respect their role and your letters will be supportive. From your posts on here that's obviously true. They will be nervous too but they will want it to work.

I am meeting them in Jan and I am so worried.

It's hard, but it's worth it. I think you will feel better afterwards.

UmSayWhat · 26/11/2018 21:51

I sign off with “take care” and they put “looking forward to hearing more next year” which suits me fine.

adoptDad · 30/11/2018 21:51

@darkriver198868 I'm so happy that you've posted this. My partner and I are a same sex couple with a LO who comes from a very big gored family. We don't even wanna make it known that he has two dads as it may jeopardise future letters from Birth mum.

We've decided to sign off our first letter with just our initials. Not sure if that's gonna be good enough but it's what we are most comfortable with

Oliviarose51012 · 01/12/2018 10:43

Emphasise that your children are loved, despite not being able to be with them.
We were told we could say we love and miss her- but not because we couldn't be with her.

  • Emphasise support for their parents (especially since it's them you are writing to).
After the promises she made and then broke once adoption order signed, I can't see why I should support her- thats what her family are for
  • Include big events. I would want to know positive ones and frankly I'd love it if I heard that out children's BP's lives were improving.
We won't have any big events we are prepared to share after the way she has behaved. Until she agrees to meet with us as promised. As for positive improvements- I am not sure we will have many of those either seeing as we have nothing much to improve on
  • Any health issues with wider family.
They were not interested during proceedings so why should they worry now. As a result of an ignored condition to suit the SS - there are going to be a problems as she gets older- but no one would take any notice of what we needed to tel them before. Getting it past the letterbox admin failed in our first letter.
Original poster
darkriver198868 · 02/12/2018 11:46

Oliviarose I mean this is in the best possible way. I want to get on with my daughters adopters. I don't feel your attitude or language is very helpful.

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Original poster
darkriver198868 · 02/12/2018 11:52

AdoptDad I wouldn't have had an issue if my girls adopters would have been same-sex .

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adoptDad · 04/12/2018 17:56

@darkriver198868 I wish our LO birth family had similar thoughts. Did you find a way you felt comfortable with ending the letter?

Original poster
darkriver198868 · 04/12/2018 18:30

AdoptDad I just signed my name. I am sure in the future I will be comfortable using something else.

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