Just signed withdrawal letter

[rainbowbreeze123]

I'm devastated.. we were inbetween stage 1 and 2 and I lost my job. Got a new job within a few weeks but as they would be requesting a reference from our employers next and as you don't qualify for adoption pay for 6 months the SW recommended we withdraw, wait and start again

I'm so sad, 6 years of trying for a family and it feels like it's never gonna happen for us

How frustrating! Especially as stage 2 can take 2 months, and then matching many months, so you'd be entitled to adoption pay by the time you're matched, let alone placement, which can be weeks after matching!

I'm so sorry.

That's crazy?! You can take up to six months off between stage 1 & 2 without restarting & then stage 2 takes min. 4 months - ask to speak to your SW's manager. That's so unfair OP 💐

Is she's only had a job for a few months and SS tell employers that she's going to adopt, she may get fired.

Then it's back to square one.

Sorry OP.

Exactly tell them so early and I'll be job hunting again we looked into adoption benefits and while there's a maternity allowance for people that haven't had continuous employment there isn't for adoption.. equal rights my ar*e!!

SW has asked her manager after us requesting she takes it further

Would they not accept references from your previous employer? Your new employer isn't going to be able to say much about you even after 4/5 months are they?

Also my SW rang one of our references at 5pm the night before our panel! They don't HAVE to do them all right now.

No we asked about getting a reference from a previous employer and they said no.. ridiculous isnt it, like you say theyre not going to know me after a few months that well and when requesting one will risk your employment..
They made it sound like the request gets sent out automatically from the system once stage 2 is triggered, said theres no way they can delay or stop it

They did send ours out pretty quickly without giving us chance to even tell people we were adopting! That said I doubt they have robots printing and posting the letters for them so don't see why they cannot stop just that one reference.

They sent ours out without us having signed to give permission and i lost my job. I had only been there a few months at the time. The reference was rubbish and we were told it didnt matter anyway...so glad i lost my job for it then!

So did you have to put adoption on hold or could you afford not to work bostoncremecrazy ? I think I lost my last job partly because I was honest and told them about starting the adoption process.. seems so unfair you wouldnt tell your employer you were trying for a baby !
I wondered if it would be classed under the discrimination criteria for ACAS but I doubt it !

It was a bit more complicated than that....the rubbish ref was given and i was confronted about not telling work...i knew my cards were marked. When i informed them i needed adoption leave they made a reason to fire me...as it was under 2 yrs no job security.
I sued and won...secured adoption pay as i submittted my paperwork after 26 weeks of working there, and a pay-out. I was set to go to court but we settled out of court the week the case was due to be heard.
It was the most stressful time of my life - and to this day i've not told sw i was sacked!

Well done you for suing them and so glad you won that makes me feel better.. I can imagine it was v stressful!
I just don't understand why they would let people put themselves in a position were you could lose your job, how is that helpful for the whole process and the children waiting to be adopted!
I don't feel capable of work most days my heads all over the place and has been for years through fertility treatment and all we've been through.. some days I just feel totally useless

Are you sure you need to give a break.
I started a new job during stage 1. They just used my new job for a reference. They only wanted to know that I was in employment.

I also then started a new job after been approved as the hours were more child friendly. Our social worker told me to go for it as they were no children in the pipeline. 8 weeks later we had a match. I didn't qualify for adoption pay however the LA paid it for me.

Name89 OP cannot get a reference from the new employer without telling her about the adoption. Telling them she fears will cost her the job.

Must have missed that bit.

Serves me right for reading it half asleep lol.

So sorry to read this. We had just started stage 2 in 2012 when it was announced the school I worked in would be closing. Our SW and the agency felt that it was the wrong time for us to proceed as there would be too much upheaval and uncertainty. We've been told since that this may not have happened now.
It meant that after a few years of ttc and then starting the process we were utterly devastated. It took me another 4 years to get another permanent position & has been nearly a year since we restarted the process. We're now going to matching panel in 6 weeks time.

I know it won't help you at all at the moment and i'm not going to lie it was bloody depressing at the time, but I've comforted myself with the thought that if we had gone ahead back then it would have not have been with who we're now starting to think of as "our" children. Maybe the cliche is true - things happen for a reason.
I'd suggest you use the time you now have, do the house & garden up, enjoy spending time with your partner & having a few months more of "me" time.
Good luck

Thanks for telling your story nc4, 4 years is a long time to wait for a new job!!
That's how I feel, you make the decision to stop ttc and decide to adopt and then something stops you doing that!

That's a lovely way to look at it, good luck with the matching panel etc hope it all works out

We've started decorating the house, I feel like I need to get stuck into something and we've booked a holiday at an adults only hotel while we can!

Thanks rainbow. It was very frustrating at times, temporary jobs meant we couldn't go back any quicker.
Enjoy your adults only holiday, that is the main thing I think I'm going to miss as we found one we loved and made quite a few return visits over the years. We'll now have 14 years to save until our youngest is old enough to go with us!!
Good luck and if you want to message me to have a moan, feel free!

Thanks nc4 !