I'm a wannabe adopter

[KC11]

I really feel the urge to adopt. DH unsure and vague about the whole thing. We went to an initial open evening at the local Town Hall about 18 months ago. We've argued and bickered a lot over the last few years. We've experienced long term infertility and ICSI treatments over the last 12 years. No children. I would like to adopt and know it is a long, long road. It would be difficult and emotional but I want us to try to adopt. What are your thoughts? Our last ICSI treatment was over 2 years ago.

The next step would be contacting your local authority or agency to note interest and someone would come out to visit you. This might give your husband a chance to talk through his concerns.

You need DH to be on board. No way you can do it half heartedly and hope he gets on board.

Have you had The Conversation? Is he still hoping that another round of ICSI will work or does he think/accept that that road is now closed? What does/would he think about it being a child/no child decision?

You cannot do this unless you both want it 100%.

It is tough. It is emotional exhausting.

It took my DH a long time to get his head around the fact it wasn't a choice of birth children v adopted children, but rather adopted v none.

Adoption is a big leap of faith. You can reduce the risks a bit by being really honest in the homestudy about what you can or cannot cope with. But you never know quite what will be there with any adopted child.

On the other hand, with a birth child you can still get surprises medically etc.

Maybe you could find a local adopters group so your DH could meet some real adopters and adoptees? That might make it more real and less scary?

With DH, once he was on board, we took it one step at a time. So he knew in theory he could back out any time up to matching.

If your DH doesn't want to do it, they won't assess you. You both need to want this to make it work.