Adoptees

[Claramarion]

I am a foster carer who has had a baby since she was one week she will be adopted at seven months. She is my first baby and I will cry when she has left, I do love her but feel that this is part of my job as I have needed to show her love as her adoptive parents would.
I am looking for advice on how to make things easy for the adoptive parents on the weeks transition... and with the move.

Be nice!
Keep on mind what is in her best interests, do not see them as your enemy, although this will be rightly hard as you love her and they are essentially taking her from you.
Maintain a professional stance.
Give them as much information as possible and be available for them after the move.

Our experienced FC did these things for us which helped (ours were 2.5 & 8)

• referred to us as Mum & Dad
• showed me once how to do things like change nappies / baths etc, then observed me doing it next time, making encouraging comments, then stood back and let me do it alone.
• provided a 'going out bag' with things we needed like spare nappies
• the girls had a lot of stuff so we started taking things home to us on the first day
• lots of advice that I wrote down on routine, how to deal with settling to sleep, preferred foods etc etc

On last day it was a quick in and out, so FCs could go back in quickly and have a good cry.

You sound like a fab FC, I'm a potential adopter and we'be been told a lot about how traumatic it can be for a little one to move from a FC to new parents, things you could do to help could be:

Let them know the washing powder you use so they can get sheets washed in the same ready.

Let them know if you have any scented candles, those scent sticks or anything like that in your home so they can do the same

Tell them in detail what books she likes if they're yours not the babies so they can replicate

At 7 months you'll be weaning so detail for them what you'be given and how you made it.

A baby will rely on scent, hearing and taste to in a new place and these little things will make it easier.

Thanks and there not my enemy I'm excited for them and also very emotional about the whole process her leaving but also thinking about the joy she will bring to her new Mam and dad and new other family member. I've wrote down my routine and also the conditioner we use and my perfume and my husbands aftershave candles and also the baby monitor (hat plays music) we have so she has the same sounds. Her toys and clothes will go with her so she has the things she is used to and I will also send her babygrow bedding so that they also smell familiar.

Thank you all

Things that were helpful for us:
We gave fc bedding we would be using so lo slept with it for a couple of weeks.
A4 laminated pictures of our faces (scary!!)
We did a talking butterfly thing too aswell as the stuff above.
I presumed our lo was in the clothes for her age and she wasn't so that might be helpful for new parents as I had to do an emergency clothes shop!
You sound like a lovely fc, hope it all goes well.
We still see our fc 2 years after the adoption too. It was very hard for them to say goodbye on the day we brought lo home, I hope the new parents are sympathetic to you too.

I moved a baby on to adoption not long ago.
I made a list of everything he would be coming with, so they didn't buy duplicates, and I wrote down his routine.
Also towards the end of the visits they started taking bits and bobs back to their house so that things would be there for when he moved in so he could be familiar with them.
Good luck, it's so hard..but so lovely to see little one has settled so well. Hopefully the adopters will keep in touch with you and send you updates x

Claramarion you sound great, well done for being a fab foster carer.

My only thing to add is that make them feel at home by:

-offering hot drinks/cold drinks
-talking about food etc so they know what they can bring (we had a shared kind of picnic lunch each day but ate breakfast and dinner at home).
-give copies of all the photos and video footage of little one on a memory stick

We have a good relationship with foster carers and still see them twice a year. our son was three when he came to us and I feel that staying in touch with them is a good thing for him.

If you feel able to offer this, then do. But they may not want it. Certainly a Christmas card or whatever is good.

Our FC gave us plenty of space to bond with DD without feeling watched.
She laid out clothes and let us dress her, same with food. Encouraged us to take her out without being forceful.