It's day one of intros and...

[Rainatnight]

...I have a horribly upset stomach. Feel awful and can't leave the bathroom.

And yesterday, we had a rat in our back garden, which stayed and sauntered around for ages so I eventually called pest control, because I didn't fancy the SW seeing it.

And we were in IKEA till 10 last night and her room still isn't ready because of a very slow handyman and wallpaper delivery going missing.

Aaaaaaggggh.

Sorry, just venting.

And now I've started vomiting.

We're not starting intros today, are we?

Sorry to hear this. You had best get on the phone!

I've left a message for SW.

I told one of my best friends who texted back 'are you pregnant?'

Oh what rotten luck.
Are you sure you havent got a dicky tummy due to nerves?

That did cross my mind, but I've got a headache, cramps, feel really crap all over, so it does feel more like a bug or food poisoning.

Well i had exactly the same sunday night and all day yesterday. I literally couldnt stand up and felt like i had been kicked by a horse from head to toe. Also got the vomitting so must be a bug doing the rounds.
I feel so much better today so hopefully a day or two and you will be fine again.x

Oh poor you. Fingers crossed this calms down.

I got hold of the social work manager and they're going to hold the transition planning meeting with DP there and me on the phone.

Then I think we're going to discuss in the meeting whether DP goes to FC house alone or whether we put that off till tomorrow.

It is bad timing but at least you will have it out the way by the time you get your daughter home.
Just another frustration along the adoption road x

Try not to worry. Some bugs are 24 hours. Tomorrow is another day.

Any news?

Yes how are you today Rain?
Hope you are feeling better and get to meet lo today x

Thanks so much, both. Feeling fine and going to meet our little girl!

Oh amazing so pleased. Let us know how it goes if you dont mind of course!

Hope today is amazing for you rainatnight

So pleased you're feeling better. What an exciting day, hope it went well

I meant flowers not football! Showing my lack of skill at multi-tasking..

Thank you all! We'd actually met her once before at an unofficial meeting our SW arranged before Christmas. It was lovely to finally be on the way to being settled, but...I didn't feel the same sort of rush of loveliness that I did the first time I saw her. Is that ok? I know intros are just weird so it may have been that? Sorry, don't mean to be a downer, just struggling a little bit and could do with some wise thoughts.

The initial rush of loveliness faded quickly for me too. Actually disliked my beautiful girl at times in the early days. 12 months on she is my most loved and precious thing (obviously less so when she is trying to scream a kidney out through tantrumming). Hang in there. Intros for us were horrid and first few months were tough. Just play the long game. I wouldn't change a minute of it now. Sending hugs, hope you have wine x

"I didn't feel the same sort of rush of loveliness that I did the first time I saw her. Is that ok? I know intros are just weird so it may have been that? Sorry, don't mean to be a downer, just struggling a little bit and could do with some wise thoughts."

Just take it one day at a time. She is a young and vulnerable person, and you are her mum, it will take time.

Just take the time to do little things that are love-inducing:
tell her something nice (you are so clever to be able to do that),
show her something lovely (look, a butterfly on this book has blue wings like your blue eyes),
listen to a beautiful lullaby as she is falling asleep and in a decade that lullaby will almost bring tears to your eyes.

Be gentle with yourself:
enough sleep
enough good food
not too much alcohol
plenty of fresh air
company and time away from little one

You will get there.

XXXX

Hope today is a good one Rain.
Your emotions are bound to be all over the place! Dont take too much notice of them if you know what i mean. It takes time like any relationship x.

Thank you, all, so much. It really helps. X

Today was so much better. Really great, in fact. No social workers and we had some really nice times. And some great big smiles, when my heart just melted (I never really knew what that meant before and today I felt it).

Thanks hugely, Italian, flapjack and mrscollydog.

Don't worry about rushes of loveliness - some people do, some people don't. I felt just numbness and a vague sense of being put upon throughout introductions!

Just be kind to yourself, whatever you are feeling. Introductions is a big hellish, IMO.

And we're home. We're exhausted. She's adorable, and fast asleep upstairs. Thank you to everyone for your lovely support.

Congratulations 😊