Adotion Intial meeting

[Trae577]

Hi

Myself and husband have decided to start our adoption journey and revently attended an information evening. We are waiting now for an intial visit from a Social worker.

Neither my husband or myself have had particularly brilliant childhoods and have both suffered from different forms of abuse.

Following a couple of years of councilling we have both been able to come to terms with what has happened and move on with our lives.

Our main concern is if suffering from abuse will go against us with our adoption journey.

Many thanks in advance for any advice given

You have recognised the abuse, and sought help through counselling - major brownie points.
Myself and DH have "complimentary" backgrounds according to our SW. I suffered abuse and also had counselling, he had an "idyllic" childhood - so between the two of us, I can empathise with the DCs background more, and he can pass on the good parenting he received.

In your case, as you both suffered abuse, I don't think it would hold you back but it might be worth reading up on therapeutic parenting techniques, to try and embed them within yourselves, if that makes sense? Try and get as much childcare experience as you can too. You won't need to do all this for the initial meeting, but if you can show that you've thought about it, that will help.

Ah fab thank you.

I have a wide range of experience ie Nursery Nurse, Adult Nurse and Currently working working within a Heatlth Visiting team. On my caseload i have children with Additional needs and offer support and advice to families , aswell as running lots of clinics etc.

My husband has less experience but we do have nieces and nephews who we have regularly!!

Am hoping with this we will been seen to be ok, its was just the abuse side we were a little concerned about, i was hoping they will see it as you have explained 😊

Thank you for answering 😀😀

Hi
I would think this makes you well placed to really understand more about abuse. I had a pretty uneventful life no bumps along the way - While my husbands was not so smooth. In one of the reports I noticed a comment about my husband that actually said something along those lines.. That his experiences would help.

We had no childcare experience other than nieces and Nephews, you learn on the job just like new birth parents do!

Adoption is a wonderful thing we adopted almost 3 years ago - Best 3 years of our lives - I wish you both well in your journey x

"Our main concern is if suffering from abuse will go against us with our adoption journey. "

As others have said: no, it can be a positive. You should emphasise your strength as a couple and your deeper understanding of what children can go through. That said, I'll add a couple of caveats:

1. They'll have to be sure that you've done the legwork to really get over this stuff. They'll want to know about the counselling (not the gory details- they won't break confidentiality) and you should think about how you'll articulate your feelings on this subject, so it come accross the way you want.

1. Kids are superb at getting into the cracks in your psyche. If you do have any issues still niggling away: be honest with yourself. Get yourselves and your relationship in a really strong place before this process starts, even if that means a delay.

Not trying to put you off, I'm sure you've thought of all this. Good luck, it really is fab in the end.

just to re enforce what others have said.
i have come from an abusive childhood , partner didnt have ideal childhood either , loving but unstable due to MH.
I had counselling and have worked in children's services , child protection and as a nursery nurse for over 20 years. Now in MH.
the other posters are right they really go through your childhood , any counselling and your beliefs and if you have any issues remaining.
the assessment bought up hard feelings for me of regret but at panal i was commended for all the work i had done myself and how that was an asset towards understanding adoption.

I will say that the process left me feeling like i was not judged as good enough , but i was and we have a lovely 3 years old who moved in 2 years ago.

Be prepared for it to be hard...... but worth it x all the best