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Original poster

Letterbox heartache

16 replies

anxious123 · 03/08/2016 09:18

2 weeks ago letterbox contact was due to me from my son's adoptive parents. Nothing. Not a sausage. This is only the second year. Absolutely heartbroken. The adoptive mam even gave me her assurances when we met that she was keen to maintain letterbox.

I can't deal with this.

OP posts:
RosieandJim89 · 03/08/2016 09:51

I am sure that this is difficult for you but it is possible that they have been busy and just not had chance to send it yet.
Fingers crossed you get the letter soon Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 03/08/2016 09:52

I am so sorry. I hope it has just got delayed. Our letter box system has been delayed due to admn and I am sure I've sent things a bit late in the past. Our sons birth parents replied but for last year have not.

Please speak to social sevices.

Thijing of you

Original poster
anxious123 · 03/08/2016 09:54

They're sending a reminder out so they've definitely not received anything :(

OP posts:
Buzzybee51 · 03/08/2016 10:03

I'm so sorry for you, I only wish my little onesbirth mum would have the same want as you. Sadly heartache over no letter from BM here.
I hope they send you a letter soon.

PoppyStellar · 03/08/2016 10:17

Oh anxious, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully the reminder will jog their memories and you will get a letter soon.

Fwiw I forgot one time to send a letter at the start of the month and only remembered towards the end of the month. I was absolutely mortified to have forgotten as BM usually writes back. I wrote a letter to BM as soon as I remembered and apologised profusely for my cock up. I am hoping something similar will be the case for you.

I would try and take some small comfort from the fact adoptive parents said they would do letterbox when you met them. Hopefully this will be an oversight on their part and not a deliberate decision.

I'm thinking of you and have everything crossed you get a letter soon.

Original poster
anxious123 · 03/08/2016 10:22

I hope it's just an oversight. My minds on overdrive :( the plan was for me to reply to their letter. Am tempted to just send a short one saying I hope LO is ok and continued to settle well so at least in future he knows I haven't forgot :(

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PoppyStellar · 03/08/2016 11:28

I'd perhaps give it a couple more weeks if you possibly can before sending a letter (hoping that you get one from them first) but I think you writing a letter without getting one from them is absolutely fine and very much the right thing to do. Just because one party doesn't want to or is unable to keep to their part of the letterbox agreement this shouldn't mean your LO misses out. It will mean a great deal to him as he grows up that you made the effort to keep in touch through letterbox (I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's not meant to at all, just can't quite find the right words to say what I'm trying to say)

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 03/08/2016 15:01

I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree with Poppy that your letters don't need to be dependant on theirs and you should absolutely keep writing.

However, it's possible there's been a death in the family, or they are moving house or on holiday or who knows what and it's just delayed. I hope you hear from them soon.

Original poster
anxious123 · 08/08/2016 16:14

I get the letter tomorrow :)

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 08/08/2016 16:31

Glad your letter is coming OK. I hope it is all you hope it will be.

We always start with best of intentions to get letter out at the start of the month due.
Then one of the DD's has a blip about something, which delays us getting them to do their bit, or something else is due to happen and I want to include it as having occurred in the letter, so it goes off at the end of the month instead.
Or sometimes I am not happy with the 'tone' of the letter, so mull it over for a week or two. Or we go away at the start of the month, or ...

(But we have never been actually late).

CitizenSheep · 08/08/2016 17:45

Am so so pleased to hear that (it's Poppy with a name change here). I was wondering how you were getting on so its lovely to hear a positive outcome. Really good news Smile

Kitkatandcake · 09/08/2016 12:52

We're a little over a year in and birth mum hasn't replied to the letter we sent. Surprisingly birth dad has and sent a lovely letter. I'll keep writing but it's really sad if birth mum doesn't bother to reply.

CitizenSheep · 09/08/2016 13:38

Hope the letter arrived, and hope you are doing ok today

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 09/08/2016 14:15

Kit You know your own situation of course, but many birth parents can't cope with replying, rather than just not bothering.

Kitkatandcake · 09/08/2016 17:25

Yes of course I can appreciate that, but she's written just fine before and when SS approached her to offer help she apparently said she didn't need it and just had forgotten. Maybe that's not true, but yes I should have been more careful with my word choice.

Original poster
anxious123 · 10/08/2016 07:56

It is hard to reply at times but I think if it ever got to the point where I couldnt write a letter i'd keep up with the birthday cards but my situation is different from many others which probably helps me to be more positive about the experience if that makes sense

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