EEEK! SW visit!

[undersoap]

Child's SW is visiting next week - our SW has given us a list of suggested questions (for us to ask) which has been really helpful.

Can anyone give any guidance as to the sort of questions they were asked by the SW? This is our first visit so no clue! Also, I'm wondering roughly how long it takes to go to panel if we decide to proceed (I'm aware it all depends on SWs diaries etc but a rough idea would be helpful.

Thanks!

It took us about 4 months but I think that's long. I believe it's normally shorter.

Are you in a competitive situation re child or are you the only person they're speaking to about this child?

For me, it took 4 months from initial meeting with child's SW to intros. Think the time to panel was about 8 weeks but held up after that by some errors on court paperwork by SS.

In terms of the questions child's SW asked it was mainly practical ones about the house, garden (how I would ensure safety in both) and why I thought I was a good match (single adopter so only me to talk about). My child's SW also wanted to know how I would deal with health uncertainties - there were outstanding medical results they were still waiting for - and whilst I was absolutely sure that the outcome of the results didn't affect my match with my DD the SW was keen to see that I had thought about the practicalities of what differing medical results would mean.

I think they also asked about support networks, local things to do with child of this age and how much time I was planning on taking off from work.

I remember my biggest fear was that they wouldn't think I was a good match. My SW told me that for it to get to this meeting point with child's SW meant that it was more likely than not to happen but I remember very clearly that I metaphorically held my breath for the whole time from first hearing about my DD til the time intros were planned. I'm sure I was a big old ball of stress and anxiety the whole time!

Best of luck with it all

Thanks both! No idea whether it's competitive, will ask our SW.

Am getting really excited but don't want to get over emotionally invested! Had made lists of local activities etc for our SW anyway so will re-read those and reflect on why we think it's a good match.

Eeek!

Thinking a bit more about it I reckon time to panel was actually less than 8 weeks, more like 4-6. And it was then SWs being on holiday that held intros up. Think the court delays came later (feels like a lifetime ago now!) basically once the match was identified and approved things moved very quickly.

I totally recognise the 'excited but don't want to get emotionally over invested' feeling. It is really hard to contain the excitement whilst also trying to be rational and philosophical in case it doesn't work out. I think my tiger mum instinct kicked in well before I'd even met my daughter. Clearly I was very successful at not over investing emotionally...

I hope it all goes well for you

We met DDs SW and found out the next day they liked us for her, and in less than 8 weeks we'd been approved at matching panel, gone though introductions and she was here with us all moved in... Super fast as it sounds it felt like an age. Once you know it's happening you just want it to happen straight away! It should have been 10 days quicker but our SW was on holiday so we had to wait to start introductions - So guess you can go from meeting to moving in about 6 weeks!

I also tried (and admit failed miserably) not to get too excited. The questions we were asked were about support networks, how we felt her arrival would change our lives and why we felt this would be a good match...

I have documented everything from the first coffee session/info evening to the celebration hearing! I have every single date anything happened and all the questions ever asked!

Hope everything goes well for you :-)

Gosh, this is getting me thinking about all the things that need doing! Not that I'm actually doing any of them you understand, just sitting on my laptop researching all the fun things we might need to buy :)

Wow, sounds like 6-8 weeks is a possibility - crazy! Will keep you posted!

All went well I think - lots in common with the children so that was a really good sign. Got to sit and wait now for the call, am full of nervous energy!

Our of interest, when and how did you share information about your DCs before panel? Did you share names/photos etc, or wait until panel and all was certain?

I told my parents and best friend almost everything as it happened and shared pictures. I'm a single adopter so was bursting to talk to someone and these are the people I trust with my life so knew nothing would be shared further. In the carpark of SS post panel I rang and emailed everyone!!

Good luck X

We told parents and best friends bare bones details only.

We were really keen that parents in particular wouldn't end up heart broken again if it went tits up (they'd already been on a infertility/mc roller coaster with us)

They got to know more the closer we got to panel but it was always still really heavily caveated.

Thanks everyone - we got the call yesterday and all is going ahead! And have told all our family and close friends - I couldn't help it, OH was at work and I had to call someone! We also felt like the next few weeks are going to be such an upheaval in terms of making intro books and DVD, getting rooms ready etc that it just made sense to tell rather than keep it a secret.

Right, back to researching prams now!