Any experience of food hoarding?

[Ticktacktock]

I've posted in fostering too, but I know that this is also an issue with some adopted children.

My dfd hoards food, does anyone have any advice please?

She really isn't bothered by it, she is very happy to hoard as it makes her feel comfortable. It bothers us, her foster family more!

I've no experience, but if it makes DFD feel secure, I'd let her. But I'd make sure it was some securely wrapped non-perishables.

Could you help her put together a few things in a Tupperware?

Hi, yes she has a box of snacks that only last a couple of days. It's a lot of food, but she says she needs it.

I know, and she knows that it's not about food it's about survival.

Is she eating them or just stashing them?

Not food hoarding but water. DS couldn't be separated from a sippy cup for at least 18 months after being placed with me. I never tried to separate him from it. I let him carry it around at all times even when others thought it odd.

I'd give her a ciupboard/box/bag whatever is apporproate and let her choose form a lot of different non-perishable wrapped food items and say when she feels her stock is getting low she can restock just let you know and you'll go shopping together.

You don;t say how old she is or how long she's been with you.

SOrry he was just slightly thirsty for most of his life before me I suspect.

He still has an issue if he doesn;t have a water bottle at school or out but pretty much it faded as he became more secure that there would always be more water.

He didn;t hoard food however he did eat until he was sick every day for the first 3 months!

Why does it bother you?

Sadly lots of EX LAC children have historic problems related too in care and experiences prior too care.
Children stealing too provide food for themselves and others, hiding food, for later, shoplifting food.
Water is another we have come across, particular is bath time, many children have eventually disclosed their experiences, They sadly can withhold experiences for many years.
All too often read here on MN of new parents experiencing problems with bathing during and after Intro's, not that it's all related but being bathed by stranger's is ????? too some.

A friend of a friend adopted a 5yo boy and he would do this but sneak down at night and hide food in his room. When she realised where the smell was coming from and where the missing food was going she would help him to pack a little lunch box each night to take to bed and he would bring it back the next night to swap non perishable/re stock. This lasted a few months until he just didn't ask one night. I'd just go with it for now.

I'm going to bump this thread next time dome sanctimonious forced adoption twunt comes by to tell us all about criminal standards of proof.

I'd just go with it but try to manage it . So maybe try to move her onto slightly more healthy things eg fruit will last for a few days, like apples or bananas. Will she take nuts or savoury popcorn ? Even crisps

I know that dental health isn't the first priority here, but just trying to think of things less damaging to the teeth when nibbled in the night.

Are you able to say what worrie you most about it ?

It bothers me because she hoards perishable foods that go off and start to rot, then because I have to find them, well usually the flies or the dog does, she hides them deeper next time.

She stashes and eats, though she doesn't necessarily eat what she stashes.

She's nearly 17 now and has been doing it for many years.

So would it help to agree some boundaries around this ?

Eg non perishables only , have to be kept in a tin or box( away from dog ), have to be kept in a certain cupboard

What about one of these mini fridges in her room ?

Sorry if you have alreday thought of all this

17 !!! ., Have good talk. set a strategy, explain your concerns and worry's, with perhaps life skill in your mind, try too have her think its her ideas you want too pursue, Let her buy her own food, store accessible for free access, make her own snacks, occasional lunch and meals, but must tidy up and make occasional meals and snack's for everyone. Use lots of approval and praise when appropriate, promote her self esteem , perhaps an occasional reward, girly day out, trip too a gig. weekend away. Adult themed., try too enquire why
she does it on the way, in conversation in a light hearted way., have a joke and a laugh like "" Do you remember ???. Must remember some funny aspect of the situation and not shared.
Good luck XX

My understanding is that food hoarding expresses that the person hoarding is not getting the emotional support they need, and on that basis can you concentrate on trying to find the cause? I know of 2 children and both were related to sex abuse happening at the time of the hoarding (ie not previous abuse or neglect) although these are just 2 examples obviously. One was adopted and the signs of being groomed were being misinterpreted as signs of adoption related trauma. Ie that it could be something contemporary which is not being dealt with or something in the past which hasn't been dealt with? If it were me I'd try to speak to psychologists to get a bit of a steer, and failing that I would try to talk a lot about emotions with her, try to get confident that the child (older child) was able to accurately identify, and then work on being able to identify cause at any given time, as a starting point, as that might trigger things to talk about. Apologies if that sounds obvious. It sounds a very distressing thing for all the family.