Why does my son keep throwing this toy away!!!!

[Italiangreyhound]

Our son is five and came to us at age 3, so has a been with us for almost two years.

When he arrived he had a very much favoured soft toy, which was given by the foster family.

Twice now we have found it in the waste paper basket.

The first time he initially denied throwing it away and then admitted that he did want it! We moved it from the waste paper basket to a safe place (I thought!). But tonight it seems to have found its way into the waste paper basket again!

I will make sure it is put somewhere safe and out of each, if he really does not want it he can decide as an adult!

Anyone experienced this and any idea if it has a deeper meaning!

Thank you (I know this is not a biggie, am just curious if anyone else has experienced this).

DD is going through a phase at the moment where she completely denies that she used to live with anyone else before she was adopted, and she has stuffed all her old toys to the back of her cupboard. (I have kept an eye on them as I suspect that she might try to throw them out at some point but regret it later)

Sounds like your DS is going through something similar?

ChristineDePisan it certainly does. The other day i told him he had lived with us almost 2 years, he said 'No, longer' I said 'How life?' He said 'Five years.' But he is only five now!

How are you handling it, Christine? PM me if you prefer.

DS has two soft toys he was very attached to, one from BM and moreso FCs ted (literally took it everywhere). Home 2 1/2 years now, he has said to me a few times he would like to give them to charity. We agreed to put them away in case he changes his mind. He is now attached to a 'special' bear we made together when he first came home. But also anything we (husband and I) wear/own (Teds, hats, scarf's etc)

I think it's a security thing, and their own little way of moving on/needing a different 'safety net', expressing his life through his toys.

We just 'go with the flow' so to speak. We say 'Oh you don't want to have that teddy around you today?' He normally then chats a little while about BM/FC - not necessarily related to the ted, but it opens up that convo. Or will say 'Oh I don't need that one anymore'.

Thanks Pipo5187. That's helpful, it's normal.

My dh thinks maybe he is just getting older and out-growing it. But I do think it is significant it has gone in the waste paper basket!

Could you just put it into his memory box for safe keeping now as he doesn't seem to want to see it.

It could be that he feels he has outgrown it, we debated that too, as it was whinnie the pooh, he's six now. Probably a combination of stuff. Like slkk has said, his is up with his memory box, there if he decides he wants it.

We were advised (as part of attachment therapy) to get rid of/hide any soft toys given whilst in foster care. But, we might be in unusual circumstances.
I thought that this would be difficult to do, but the DCs were quite happy about replacing them with new ones from us. I have (mostly) stored the toys rather than getting rid of them completely, perhaps you could do the same? If your son says he doesn't want something anymore, I would definitely go with the sentiment and remove it.

Thanks we put it in memory box but it still wentin waste paper basket so now will hide. I just wondered if it 'meant anything' but I think it could be a combination of things. Thanks all.

I'm not sure it's linked but DS was very very resistant to discussing birth family at all until he was about 8. He just wanted to pretend he had always been here.

I think most things are a combination of factors

We don't let DD have unfettered access to her memory box - it's in our room and she knows that she can look at it any time she wants (except when it's an obvious stalling tactic eg to avoid going to school right now!), so we have put a few things that she has cast aside in there in case they disappear. Or get drawn on. Everything gets drawn on right now

Oh dear Christine, I can imagine things getting drawn on.

Well ds went to the loo in the middle of dinner and came back with a photo of him and his foster 'dad figure' (from his memory box, also in our room, but they do have access to them, birth dd has one too). Ds was saying 'Can we buy things thing... blah blah..."

He seems to disappear to the loo a lot at moment, three times this meal, none of it seemed to be about actually going to the loo!!!

Tonight he said the cutest thing. They are doing about space at school and he said he did not want to go into space any more as he would miss his family!