'Lodger' - should he jump before he's pushed

[SawdustGirl]

I'm in the very, very early stages of the process. I am a single female adopter and I live with my best friend in the flat which I own.

Obviously he's going to move out before I adopt, but I'm afraid of pushing him out (I love living with him) if I'm going to be refused in the early stages, and then he'll have had to move out and I'll be stuck living on my own.

I know it seems like a trivial thing when I'm looking at having a child, but I'm just wondering if I'd need to arrange for him to move out at this early stage, or whether we can leave it until later. He's more than happy to move when the time comes and is completely supportive, it's more me wanting to cling to him until the last minute! I'm just worried that the SWs will find it weird (people often find it weird that we're a man and a woman living together, don't know why!) and it'll put them off, or they'll think I lack commitment because I don't already have a child's room ready.

I have no experience of this but I hope that SWs are more open-minded than that . Good luck with it.

I had a lodger (who had to move out of home urgently in difficult circumstances) for part of the adoption process. She moved in on the understanding she would move out before I went to panel. SW was fine with it

Same here - lodger stayed til just before matching panel but was interviewed by SW during assessment to confirm she was ready and willing to move when necessary

Have you applied to a LA/VA yet Sawdust?

I only ask because I've heard plenty of stories that suggest lodgers are fine up until Stage 2, but I spoke to our VA today who said that we couldn't start Stage 2 until the our friend that's (potentially) living with us moves out. We've just been accepted onto Stage 1 and were going to offer a friend in need a short-term place to stay, but might have to think otherwise if VA are going to delay S2 because of it. Doesn't make sense to me but there you go.

So if you have an agency/LA in mind then I would ask them about it. But I wouldn't worry about them viewing it as you lacking in commitment, it's all about finding out what they want and then making changes rather than trying to predict them.

I've not applied anywhere yet, still in the information-gathering stage but looking to get official in the next year. He does pay rent, so the income is nice too, I forgot to mention that!

Stage 2 was about when I was thinking in an ideal world he would move out, so that sounds good.

Thanks so much for all your replies! I think I'm finding things to worry about since I don't have anything 'real' to worry about yet!

I'm not sure about the legal situation with lodgers and notice, but could you have a contract which ends at a suitable point, indicating that you are both aware that he will be moving out?

We had a lodger when we had our initial meeting. The LA said that they wouldnt expect her to move out but we should realise the unusual set up if a child was to be placed. They seemed to be okay with our lodger being permanent but we didnt want tat anyway. She left before stage one we wish she'd stayed longer so we could have saved for adoption leave.