Adoption and anxiety

[hackneylady]

I'd be really grateful for some words of wisdom.

We are about to start the adoption process. We've been taken on by an LA who were v positive about us and are about to start prep group.

The problem is that I'm now having quite a bad bout of work-related anxiety, with a bit of depression.

I have experienced anxiety and depression in the past, like a lot of people, and was all ready to describe it as something that happened in the past, I'd got help, improved my resilience, etc.

But a new job has knocked me sideways and I'm very upset to find myself in the middle of an episode.

Do you think that we'll now be rejected? We have spent the past few years gearing up to adopt, including buying a three bedroom house so I'll be devastated if we can't go ahead with it.

Thanks so much.

The honest answer is that if you are going through it at the moment, now is not the time to be starting the process IMHO. The process is very challenging, stressful and causes anxiety.

You need to look at it from a slightly different point of view. This is not about them rejecting you - it is about it not being the right time for you.

For what it is worth, i think you should get yourself sorted, demonstrate you have responded to the stress and made attempts to minimise it, give yourself some time and then go back to it. Good luck.

I agree with odyssey. Far better to take the time it takes to get back on top now and be fully ready for the process, than to try to steam through and get rejected as unsuitable. The adoption process is challenging and now is not the right time for you. IME, social workers place high value on being able to show that you can manage these conditions - that you have self-awareness, judgement, resourcefulness etc.

This does not need to mean the end of your adoption journey. But you need to show that you can prioritise a child's needs even when going through a bad time yourself - and that is what you will be doing if you postpone adoption just a little longer.

Thanks, both. I'm just so upset it's got to this point. We were all ready to go.

But I think you're saying that this means a delay, rather than ruling it out altogether?

There's no guarantees of anything in adoption, but many of us here have histories of anxiety and/or depression. Me and dp both have fairly significant experiences of both, and it didn't stop us. Mine was more serious but also more historic (anorexia with depression), so I used it to show how I handled adversity and overcame it. Dp's was more recent - really very recent, still under treatment during prep - and she had to get a medical report. But we were still unanimously endorsed at both approval and matching.

Please don't worry. Just concentrate on getting yourself into a better place, then we can all advise you on how to handle it with the adoption agency.