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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Anyone else going to find National Adoption Week difficult?

18 replies

Lilka · 31/10/2014 21:37

I realised how close it is today, and I know I'm going to struggle with it this year. Hard to escape when it's over the TV and radio

Don't get me wrong, I do think that those children who can and should be adopted, should find families in a timely manner, and I do want to see families coming forward for those children.

But I'm going to be bombarded by lovely adoption stories, and I'm wondering where my experiences fit into that. Advertisements about happy families all together - where actually is my (adopted) daughter, and what is she doing all week? And where the fuck is the support?

Anyone else, for any reason whatever, going to be finding it difficult?

Sorry for the continual not-very-happy threads

OP posts:

JammySods · 31/10/2014 22:53

I'm not going to find it hard, but I am sceptical about these types of things.

It always seems like it's more of an opportunity for a pat on the back for the people involved, rather than a chance to re-evaluate what needs to be done in order to improve things. There seems to be a lot of acknowledgement (from those who employed in adoption) of the problems facing adoptees and adopters, but very little action or thought about how to address them. There's far too much "well, yes, it's terrible, but that's just the way it is, I can't change things". I think apathy sums it up best.

For what it's worth I don't think the adoption boards will be full of happy ever after stories about adoption - it's just not the type of place this is, the posters rise about PR events like National Adoption Week, so I would imagine there'll be the usual spread of posts about good things, technical things and bad things.

Your story is sadly a reality of adoption, but thankfully not a common one. It is a perfect example of why the powers that be need to focus on the period after adoption rather than solely focussing on whizzing kids through the system at the start (which is obviously good too, but not the sole issue). Anyone genuinely interested in adoption needs to see past the sugary sweet, fairytale stories that NAW (anyone else amused by the acronym?!) will undoubtedly focus on, and your posts, along with all the others here give them that opportunity and I for one will always be grateful for the honesty on this board.

None of that helps you get through NAW, sorry.

Italiangreyhound · 01/11/2014 00:00

Lilka so sorry for you and thinking of you.

Please try and focus on the wonderful adoption story of your dd1 and ds and remember that although things have been so very hard with dd2 you did your absolute best for her. Another situation for dd2 may have seen a much worse outcome for her and although things are tough at the moment you do not know what the future holds for sure. I am also pretty sure you can avoid these messages if you chose to, so maybe limit where you look for a short time and try and focus on the good stuff as well as the bad.

Can you find a way of handling this that will be helpful to you. I know you are not a person of religious faith but can you find some way of releasing the situation that will enable you to feel safe and protected from the hurt? I am not sure if I am making any sense.

I have just started going to Overeaters Anonymous and they talk about a higher power there. Even people of no faith are able to go and find strength for the task they have (over coming over eating) through realising they cannot control it themselves. Not sure if this is making any sense but if you want to pm me, please do. I am not making light of it at all, I am saying search for a way to not be totally scolded by the raw emotions and to remember all the good parts of your (your whole family) adoption story.

Pixieauntbilly · 09/02/2015 22:20

Ever thought about what adoption week must be like for parents of stolen children....oh I forgot that's a myth

Kewcumber · 09/02/2015 22:28

Yes Pixie, many of us think of our children's birth parents.

Original poster

Lilka · 09/02/2015 22:34

Yes I do
I often thought and think about my childrens birth families on many occasions in the year. You have a close connection, even though you've only met once. They're there in your thoughts at lots of times, in many different ways depending on what's going on at that time.

Am I not allowed to also find adoption week difficult, for different reasons and have that repsected? It was painful for me last year, much as I avoided the coverage. I hope it will be easier this year, for everyone who finds in difficult

OP posts:

KristinaM · 09/02/2015 22:56

Yes I find it hard too, for similar reasons to Lilka

And I feel angry for the adopters here who are still struggling for lack of support . It seems that little has changed since I first adopted 20 years ago

KristinaM · 09/02/2015 23:02

And there's no need to be so rude , pixie, adoption starts from a place of loss for everyone involved .

fasparent · 09/02/2015 23:34

Spot on Kristina, some children have a horrendous and brutal traumatic start in life. Often relief for all when they recover get a clean health bill and are ready too move forward too begin thier life's, often some years later.

FamiliesShareGerms · 09/02/2015 23:54

I think about DD's birth parents a lot. We talk about them and look at pictures on a regular basis. I doubt we are that uncommon

I get cross about the lack of post-adoption support - not on my behalf but for those parents who are struggling and could do with the money being spent on intervention not glossy adverts

Devora · 10/02/2015 00:11

Yes, I also think about my dd's birth parents a lot.

But right now I'm thinking about you, Lilka. How many weeks is it now? How much contact are you having?

Original poster

Lilka · 10/02/2015 07:30

We're texting each other a bit and sending a couple of photos. A couple of times a week anyway. I haven't seen her since christmas. I'm hoping we can see each other later this month, and trying not to get my hopes up at the same time.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 10/02/2015 08:03

I'm sorry Lilka , it's so hard

OurMiracle1106 · 10/02/2015 09:06

Adoption week is going to be hard for me. Plastering it everywhere reminding me of my child who although is much better off with his parents doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell that I wasn't able to give him what he needed.

Of course these ads etc aren't going to show reality. They show a happy family not the reality of no support for adopters or for birth families. They will only show the good side.

Hugs.

love2ove7 · 15/02/2017 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tldr · 15/02/2017 16:25

Yawn. Reported.

DorcasthePuffin · 15/02/2017 20:42

Trolls invading zombie threads? How pointless does your life have to get?

conserveisposhforjam · 15/02/2017 22:13

Eh? Wassat?

Is it all over?

2old2beamum · 16/02/2017 19:02

Support well that is a laugh! We have adopted 8 and we have a saying in this house once the adoption has become legal TYNSO (thank you now sod off)

Our youngest DS was 18 in September, he has CP, deafblind, epilepsy pjej fed and requires help to empty his bowels. He is now classed as an adult and gets continuing health care, because of this funding he has no social worker. Does he not have social needs??

To add insult to injury his adoption allowance stopped on his 18th birthday despite him doing another 2 years in school!

Sorry for rant no regrets but I feel a bit let down
Thank you lovely ladies for reading

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