3BC - is adoption even an option for us?

[EliandmE]

DH and I have been discussing quite a bit recently whether our family (3 gorgeous bc) is complete - and hand on heart the answer for me is no. We cannot have any more bc for medical reasons.

Is there anyone here who has adopted under similar circumstances?

I understand we may be hard to match, that joining a large family is not going to be the right thing for a lot of the children in the care system (I work with a group of birth mothers so I am under no illusions as to why children are removed and what they have already been through), but would we be dismissed out of hand?

We wouldn't want to even start the process until dc3 is at school so this is some way in the future but there are some decisions (eg whether to move from my current employer with generous adoption leave policy) which may come up sooner.

I guess what I'm asking is, is adoption a pipe dream or a realistic option for us?

Thank you for reading.

Damn that was a badly phrased op, I meant that part of my job is to support a birth mothers group, not that my colleagues all happen to be birth mothers.

I have 3 bc too, approved and waiting to be matched now... It can be challenging, and it could depend on how "hard to place" a child you are looking for, but I wouldn't say it's a pipe dream. Bear in mind though that they will want the adopted child to have his or her own bedroom, so if that's a problem you can start working towards extending or moving now, before you start the process.

Or, if you don't want to talk to agencies quite yet, you could chat with First4Adoption.

You might find that some agencies do dismiss you out of hand, whereas others see you as prime candidates. If you live in an area that is only covered by one or two agencies (LAs or VAAs) then it might be worth talking to them specifically, but if you live in an area covered by many, then it would be a bit soon to be calling round to each of them now; instead you could just trust that one or the other will be keen on you.

Also bear in mind that the adoption landscape changes. A few years ago (i.e. 2 or 3 years) you would have found only few posters on here who had a child under 12 months placed with them - nowadays there are quite many - in another few years there might not be any anymore. Or perhaps most placements will be that young. Who knows? Just as an example of how things change. So if an agency tells you yes they'd consider your application, they might change their minds by the time you do apply. Or the other way round.

Thank you everyone for your replies, that is really helpful (and hopeful!) - I will definitely get in touch with First4adoption, I've checked and there are several VA's in the area and we are on the border of at least three different LA's so fingers crossed at least one of them would be willing to consider us.

Nonni can I be cheeky and ask the age of your 3 dcs? I love to hear about your experience if you are willing to share (if not just tell me to mind my own!).

Thanks

I think my varifocals need adjusting.

I read that as 38C and couldn't work out why your bra size was an issue :)

(Oh, and good luck btw!)

I did, too, oldnewmummy, there are clearly too many bra threads on MN. Not usually in Adoption though...

Now that you mention it I could probably do with a bra intervention... MN, solving all of life's problems