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Adoption

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Original poster

Moving house

11 replies

NeverSure · 25/08/2014 20:29

We are about to start stage 2 but after 3 years + of watching Rightmove our perfect property has come on the market. Typical.

We already delayed starting stage 2 by two months due to DH's work clashing with the July course but I really don't want SWs to think we aren't serious or comitted. We really are but when we sent in our forms it was with a "Let's do it in this house and maybe in years to come we'll move" as we'd put things off for a while to try and find the house we wanted.

I am so excited about moving on with stage 2 and cannot describe how disappointing it would be to delay again, but it would mean (possibly) moving from a 2-bed city centre terrace with no garden to a bigger, nicer, better house.

I'm so torn.
I'm a pleaser and I hate the thought of SWs missing targets or thinking of us as awkward. And every month that passes is a month closer to panel and matching and child and future and ... aargh I really don't know what to do for the best.
Any advice or thoughts would be very very greatly appreciated.
Thank you

OP posts:

HappySunflower · 25/08/2014 20:58

Get the move ove and done with now-you will be much better placed when a suitable match comes long.
Having moved with an adopted child I would say that it is far better to do so before they arrive as it avoids yet one more change for them.

bberry · 25/08/2014 20:58

How far is it from where you currently live? Would it have a big effect on your support network?

If you can get the move done before LO comes home then that would be great.... Why don't you just ask your sw what she thinks and how it may effect things???

Original poster

NeverSure · 25/08/2014 21:08

Thank you both
It would be about 15 miles out of the city we currently live in.
It would be further from some of our support but closer to others.
But it would be very rural.
Whereas now we're in the city centre, walking distance to lots of friends and close to lots os great facilities.
And it would need a wee bit of work - very liveable in but a long term project whereas now we're in a lovely house that we've already 'done'.
But the new one would have loads of outside space.

Happysunflower what are the issues of moving once we've adopted? I was thinking we would have to wait about 2-3 years post adoption before we could even think about it.

OP posts:

HappySunflower · 25/08/2014 21:43

We moved two years after my dd came home. She was three.
It took about three months for her to be properly settled.... Quite a few things that we had cracked routine and behaviour wise slipped a bit. Mainly she because quite insecure about what other changes might be about to take place.

A great deal depends on the age of the child, and how many moves they have had during their life. That will directly impact how well they might cope with another move/change in their life, and what support and preparation they might need.
We were fortunate in that we didn't move far, so wee close to the same parks, shops, etc still close to our support network and close enough for her to stay at the same nursery-that all helped.

Moving to a more rural area may well go in your favour when it comes to matching. It can be tricky to place children within a more populated/ city area due to the likelihood of bumping into birth relatives.

HappySunflower · 25/08/2014 21:44

Apols for typos, trying to type with cat on lap!

Original poster

NeverSure · 25/08/2014 21:54

Thanks again HappySunflower.
And likewise, I am typing with a cat on my lap!

OP posts:

Barbadosgirl · 25/08/2014 22:21

We moved during Stage Two. We started the process with the specific warning to our sw we were moving- there was a delay in selling our house and we were living with friends. Long old story!

Devora · 25/08/2014 22:39

We moved during Stage Two, too. Much, much better than moving with a recently adopted child - this is to be avoided if possible, I think

AngelsWithSilverWings · 26/08/2014 10:35

I think I'd go ahead with the move now, before the children come along.

I still can't quite believe that we moved house almost a year to to the date after DS was placed with us. We must have been mad but by the time we decided to move DS was already legally adopted and there were no SWs still in our life to advise us against it.

I'm glad we did it as in the long term the move was best for all of us but I still think we were mad doing it so soon after he was placed. We were really driven by getting him into a good school and that just sort of took over our brains.

TrinnyandSatsuma · 03/09/2014 19:56

We moved after approval panel. Got a link with our son two months after moving, then went to matching panel after we had been in our new house a few months.

It was stressful and did delay the process by a few weeks, but I am SO glad we did. We embarked upon a huge building project which was finished literally days before our son moved in.

It's enabled us to give him much needed stability as he's had too much change already, but every child and every situation is different. We have our forever house with a garden and close to his school which is amazing.

In my humble opinion, I'd advise moving before adopting.

All the best with the process x

Italiangreyhound · 04/09/2014 01:21

Move now (IMHO).

Make sure you put a positive spin on it for social workers. You've already said that the house will have more outdoor space and you will be closer to some of your support network.

I would also, personally, if you can afford it get any major jobs done before the child/ren arrive. Having seen a close relative live through house renovations with very young kids it was very tough. At one point she had no working kitchen and could not let her kids bring friends back because there were always tools lying around etc.

If there are jobs to be done then prioritise the order for the kids benefit. EG Get the kitchen and bathroom in good order/how you want it or at least how it will be fine to use for some time to come and get their rooms ready first (maybe neutral) so you can decorate a bit, if you wish to, when they arrive. I also know relatives who moved from one room to the next not completing any at a time so whole house seemed in chaos for ages.

For social workers you can paint the picture of a great family home rather than making it sound like you have taken on a grand designs project! You certainly have not made it sound like that here but I do know when people get talking about houses it can get quite 'we'll do this and that to make it nicer etc' and I think all social workers will want to hear is it is fine for your family and close to your support and has more space outdoors for kids.

Good luck.

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