Sleeping arrangements for an under 1

[Picklesontoast]

Hi, I could do with some advice...if all goes to plan we are hoping to be bringing a LO home with us in a few weeks time. They will be about 8 months old and currently sleep in their own room at FCs. We've had some differing advice for SWs about where we should start them off with us - a cot in their own room as they are used to or a cot in with us. I'm genuinely a bit confused and would love to hear from anyone with any experience or thoughts on this. Thank you!

I have no experience with adopted DCs, but a baby that has been with you since birth would be sleeping in own room well before 8 months.

There will be loads of parents on MN who co-sleep until child is 10 years old, and some who have no choice but to share a room due to living arrangements. But my DDs were in their own room by 2 months. IMO everyone sleeps better that way, though babies do wake up several times a night for quite a while.

If your new LO is used to sleeping on his/her own, I would recommend you continue that way, as sleeping with you (and DP?) would probably disturb him/her during the night.

Be prepared to get up and go in LO's room to settle him/her a few times a night though, especially during the settling in period.

I'd say the opposite.
Babies are recommended to sleep in with parents until 6 months at the earliest. I would suggest for the encouragement of attachment that sharing a room at first would be better.

I would say that if the baby wakes often at night, it's easier if they are with you. If they sleep through then they might as well be in their own room.

You might find, anyway, that the baby is noisy and keeps you awake, or vice versa. So the decision might be based on that!

Not having any personal experience yet but I would say everything they advise in regards to building the attachment is to have them close so I would have thought in with you. You can't compare to non adopted children as they clearly already have secure attachments which is what adopted parents need to create. I would imagine as well they will be unsettled in a strange bed/house/people etc initially so would think it would be more if a comfort to them to be near.

DD was a few months older when she came home and was in her own room from the start. TBH it never occurred to me to do anything else! (and there wasn't room). If she'd been in my room I'd have been waking at every noise and even more exhausted than I was already, which wouldn't have helped either of us. Every family is different - I guess you just pick the option that feels right to you and do a 2am cot move later on if needed

There's really very little point in deciding this until you have the child home although obviously quite OK to consider your options before then. Every child is different - every parent is differnt and don;t pay too much attention to what the child is doing at foster carers becuase this will probably be the first move where the child actually realises that the people they love and cared for them can disappear and may be a great deal more anxious than they had been when in settled foster care.

DS was sleeping in his own cot until he came to me and immediately had to cosleep in the same bed (well mattress) as me for about a month (for long boring but unavoidable reasons that I won't go into). He then slept in his cot in his own room for a while then started co-sleeping again.

To be honest co-sleeping with an anxious child can be a lifesaver for both of you and though you get a disturbed night it isn;t anything like as disturbed as a distressed child waking repeatedly at night. WHen co-sleeping he woke up - patted around for me then went back to sleep when he could feel where I was.

However he was only able to take this kind of comfort from me after a few months so I doubt there would be much point in co-sleeping initially but as I said you can't tell - you'll just have to play it by ear.

Play it by ear but prepared for either.

Ds was older 20months but had always slept through at fc never once woke up in a year of being there!
I could see he was anxious at bed time and although he wouldn't have wanted to cosleep straight away and always stayed in his room until he was asleep. First I just layed by the bed and after a bit he let me hold his hand.
I was really worried he wouldn't cry when he was ill and he didn't for about 6 months but after that he let us know if he wasn't well or need a cuddle.

Sometimes now he pops in our bed in the middle night for a quick cuddle then happily goes back to bed after 5mins.

Good luck

We have been fostering looked after baby's for many years, all sleep in our room until they show signs which will disturb their sleep or ours sleep, waking seeking attention, throwing teddy out demanding return, Disturbed by DH snoring, light on for a read, early dawn bird chorus , light night etc...
We also do reading and pre sleep play etc. in the lounge, also night feeds in the lounge, and any other distraction's from sleep, Tend too keep our room and their room personal too THEM , for cuddles comfort and security and night night time ,, Do not know what their pervious routine has really been or how they are distracting from it because of the move. We pass all on too parents best we can with their bedding and snuggly things with our scent on and some times have such from new parents, exchange ideas and things with them also as too what washing powder and conditioner we use, hang the washing out too dry
on the line in the summer or when it's nice, how baby likes the feel of DH nice clean shirts when having a cuddle, likes the same in cot fresh and clean bedding associates with the same scent.
Many prior too moving too FP's may have had experienced a chaotic short life style , FP have settled them only too be disrupted again and may show minor attachment problems these will soon go.
Good luck

Can only share my own experience. Our birth children have always stayed in our room until WELL older than 1 (our parenting style involves co-sleeping) When we adopted DS at 6 months we were open to either depending on his habits and needs. We ended up putting him in his own room, as he was an exceptionally good sleeper, but would get disturbed and not settled with us (thought he could play when others were around!) In retrospect, if I am honest, it has hindered my attachment to him as it felt so different to what I did with my other babies... And what came natural to me. But that probably has more to do with our previous parenting style and you will have to decide what suits your family (just that the comment about hem being in their own room well before 8 months gave me a good chuckle! Not in our family!)

Thank you all, you have been hugely reassuring. I think what I'm hearing is play it by ear, I'll know what to do when I actually have to do it, be prepared to change if nec, and most of all it's ok not to know all the answers before I've actually even met her! Thanks again.