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Adoption

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Original poster

Introductions when you have a BC

10 replies

Lillyludge · 10/06/2014 12:52

Hi all....I just wanted to get some opinions if I may?

I've been linked to a LO and probably going to get a matching panel date in July!

Anyway...I've been thinking about introductions and the first few weeks of AC moving in. As I'm single and have a school aged BC who spends almost 50% of his time with his dad, organising introductions may be a little more complicated than usual. It looks like I might have the option of choosing the timing of introductions, but I can't decide whether it would be better to do this in the summer holidays or to wait until September.

Would it be better for AC to join me and DS when we're back in the 'routine' of school term time? Or would AC benefit more from having me 'full time' for a few weeks (for example, if DS was with me for final few visits and first days home but then went off with his dad for two weeks holiday)?

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

disneygirl10 · 10/06/2014 13:08

We had introduction in the summer holidays and we have a bc.
I found it so much easier and relaxed. Me and my birth daighter had 2 weeks together before intros then we all had 4 weeks before school started. She wasn't involved in all of the intros but most of it. It all worked out really well.

Good luck

kmarie100 · 10/06/2014 13:21

We have 2 BC, the eldest one is school age. Our intros were in the school hols and for us it worked well. I think ds would have felt very left out if he had been at school. It gave them more time to bond.
However this is only my experience, I would discuss pros and cons with your sw.
Congrats on the match and good luck for panel and intros x

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 10/06/2014 14:31

Our ds was given 3 days authorised leave from school for intros so we took it after the weekend which meant he had 5 days with us

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2014 20:38

I would want to get to intros as quickly as possible once the decision to adopt was made.

We started intros in term time so I requested two afternoons off for dd from school and her first meeting of him was a Friday afternoon.

She also saw him over the weekend.

So it went, me and dh for two days (very short timings), then with dd off school, then weekend, then me and dh with dd coming home from school (we met her at school gate the three of us - lovely) and finally an afternoon in there somewhere else too.

It worked well.

Good luck.

Original poster

Lillyludge · 10/06/2014 20:39

Thanks everyone for your input....

It has been mentioned that BC could get some time off school (don't tell him though...he'd definitely go for that option ).

I'm wondering if term time might be best as I'm on my own...by all accounts the first few weeks/months are exhausting and at least if BC was at school I'd have periods of time just with AC...

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2014 20:42

Would term time mean waiting 6 weeks to start the placement with your new child? Missing all the summer fun while they are still with their foster placement? If so I would definitely say start your new life with your new child as soon as you can. The bonding process can then begin. If your birth child spends time with their dad already you will have time away from them anyway.

justwhatwasithinking · 10/06/2014 21:47

We have two BC (age 7 and 4, so still little really) and had our LO move in about a few weeks ago. We did intros the week before half term, then LO moved in the Friday before half term. We included the older DC in some of the intros (after school, some time at the weekend) and then had everyone at home for the half term. It worked pretty well - it was really good to not have the kids around the whole of intros, but the first week it was really great to have everyone around. I certainly wouldn't delay placement by ages to avoid summer holidays.

FamiliesShareGerms · 13/06/2014 08:42

Intros during holidays, so you can all spend time together, then just when the novelty is wearing off of having a new sibling, off to school leaving you time to bond with the new LO.

Worked for us

Original poster

Lillyludge · 15/06/2014 13:54

Well it seems that I won't get to choose after all! I've just heard that for various reasons the intros can't start until September.
A bit sad it's going to be 3 months before I can meet LO....but I guess I'll have more time to prepare!
Thanks everyone

OP posts:

slkk · 28/08/2014 22:43

Hi hope introductions go well for you this month. We were in a similar situation with bc 50% of the time and requested intros at end of holidays but had to progress quicker for a variety of reasons. In fact lo settled really well into termtime routine but found extended presence then absence of siblings very stressful in the holidays. Would hold off til september if had choice again! Hope all goes well for you and your family. Good luck!

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