posting here as i know you will be gentle

[OurMiracle1106]

Ive met someone amazing. Doesn't want to rush like me but I feel myself already about to run for the hills. I just don't get it. I've decided i need to get a few days head space from London. Or at least the area of it I live.

I've found I do have feelings for someone but know these wont ever amount to anything more than a short fling so I finished it a few weeks ago.

My flatmate has been getting increasingly close to me and I feel it's time I distanced myself from him as well.

But how? How do I make sure I don't fall for somone who will only end up hurting me.

Miracle, I don't know the details about your past relationships, but have they involved domestic abuse/violence?

If they have, then I think something like the Freedom Programme might really help you.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I will be soooo gentle... like a velvet scarf cushioning you falling onto a feather bed.

You can;t make sure you won;t get hurt. I wish there was a way to do that.

With my nearly 50 years of experience (to be fair not all of it dating) I would say that if you go inot it valuing yourself and being kind to yourself and talking it steady then you stand a better chance of either having a good stable relationship or getting out relatively unscathed.

I have already done the freedom programme thank you. I can feel myself doing it. Pushing someone who would actually look after me away. I can't help it. It's like every time anyone gets to close I push them away because its easier but I know I'm hurting myself doing this as well. I'm young. I want to settle down with someone but I wont let myself. I'm scared.

Miracle, I also just wanted to say that your posts always show a lot of insight and sensitivity for others. I am sure you have the reflection and capacity to guide yourself through. I think you've posted before about having a friend where you "check" each other's decisions to make sure they seem good. Have you spoken to this trusted friend? Or if you feel you can't do that, maybe you could imagine what you would say to advise a friend who described your own situation/worries to you?

She has so much going on I don't want to burden her. She thinks my flatmate is lovely and has met him lots of times and thinks we could work but he's not into settling hence I looked elsewhere.

I know I can't go through life being too scared to trust and fall for anyone yet it's like a self defence mechanism

Oh Miracle - I agree with Kew. Just be gentle to yourself but also don't be afraid to love again. With your therapy and all the other things you have been doing, I feel as though you are well on your way to healing in some ways (not that you will ever heal from losing your son). If you can't burden yourself on your friend at the moment - could you on your counsellor?

You have been so much and I am sure you are also thinking that this is the time you really need your Mum around. Be slow and steady and when you feel ready, you will know you can take a risk.