Meeting adopted nephews for first time...

[nannynome]

Is it appropriate to arrive bearing presents? We are meeting at a local park for the first time. Also is there anything you would have wanted aunties/uncles to know or any advice you can give? Want to make sure we don't do anything daft and everything goes well :) thanks in advance

How old are they?

Are you likely to see them often?

Personally I would being small gifts. Find out in advance if they are sporty etc so you can't say, "I heard you like football" and present them with balls. That type of thing.

Can say, not can't!

Under 3's. We will probably see them monthly or bimonthly due to travel and DC restraints. Was debating whether photos would be good too for recognition?

Their adoptive parents will most likely have made a photo book but it's a really nice idea to bring some extra photos to add. And I'd bring presents, definitely

How exciting! :)

Exciting! My sister did a little photo book of her own in which they had put photos of them and their children, welcoming DD to the family. She also bought gifts the first time she met DD.

Take a steer from their parents as to what will be appropriate.

Interestingly, we were quite controlling over presents to begin with. I suppose it depends on whether there is any history relating to contact and presents. We asked that people didn't bring presents because we didn't want our LO to feel like these people were trying to buy love or acceptance. In hindsight, I think we did the right thing. If you want to give them something but aren't interested in the gratitude and thanks then it might be better to leave it with them as you leave. Have you asked their parents?

In regards to what you should know, I suggest you back off as much as you can to begin with. Let the kids come to you and if they don't, don't force it or get upset. They are going through a massive upheaval and depending on their age, they may be confused as to who they are going home with. Also, don't expect them to behave like other children. You may see extreme or curious behaviours. Whatever you do, don't step in and try to discipline them. And try to understand that adoptive parents have to make decisions that you may not agree with or that may seem strange. Therapeutic parenting can look very different to your average parenting style. His this helps.

I would also say no presents direct to the children, instead something discretely to the parents. They can then decide whether to give to children 'this is from Auntie and Uncle' or just make available to them.

Mainly, don't ask for hugs from the children. If they offer you their hands to hold etc check the new parents are OK with this.
If they are hurt or upset, let the new parents 'parent' them
If the parents say 'no' to something don't undermine them with 'oh its OK'.

Given that you care enough to ask here, I'm sure you'll do fine.

Adding to the other posters - don't pick them up or do any of the needs meeting stuff like nose wiping. Your nephews need to be very clear that their parents will be the ones meeting their needs.

This is only your first meeting and things will loosen off over time, but try to take your lead from their parents.

Also, a little word of encouragement to the new parents about how they seem like they've been doing this forever never goes astray

Thank you :) will take a back seat and see how it goes. Yay, can't wait, so happy for them all.

I'd definitely offer presents to the parents but not give direct to the child. Cards are great too, the more special the better as they will be keep sakes. And GirlsWhoWearGlasses that words of encouragement would be good!

Sorry - And agree with GirlsWhoWearGlasses that words of encouragement would be good!

I agree a card and possibly a present to the parents and what about taking something like a few balloons and/or bubbles to play with.