Do the birth parents know your first names? Letterbox etc.

[Italiangreyhound]

Simple as that, quick show of hands, please - Do the birth parents know your first names?

I am not sure how we can complete letter box etc without either using our real first names or giving ourselves fake first names?

Unless we go slightly sideways with a real but not first name if you see what I mean!

This is for the purpose of letterbox etc.

We use first names.

The only reason I can think of not to use real names is if you have very unusual names which would show up as you when googled both together.

Ours do
And DS name

We use first names - but ours really are the Lily and Jack of their decade, so not many confidentiality concerns there! Also we'd met the birth parents so they knew what we were called - I don't quite know how you'd tackle that without a first name.

I think some people sign the letter 'Xs adoptive parents' or similar.

I wrote letters signing off with my first name, and I met her before adopting DD2 and was introduced by my first name

But if your name is very unusual, you can sign of as 'X's adoptive parents' or something like that, or even not sign off at all, but end with your best wishes etc

Uh...now she knows my full name, my address, my job, actually maybe it would be easier to try and work out what she doesn't know!

They know our first names but they are v common for our generation.

Yes, and our combination is very unusual, but if you Google us together you find a TV couple and if you Google us with DS's name you don't get anything.

Yes, first name only

ours know our full names, that we live in the same borough, but our situation is different and they are no threat whatsoever to the placement..

I think if the situation was any different, I'd do letterbox contact and sign it as LO's adoptive parents, or write on behalf of LO...

Your letterbox contact worker should be able to better advise...

No. Our first names are unusual and our surname is very very rare (first hit in any search engine), this coupled with a security risk; therefore, We signed our letterbox 'from the adoptive parents'. The letterbox coordinator did not object this.

Ours knows our first names. We were told they'd not be disclosed but then they were.

When we met the birth mum the social worker also called me by an unusual nickname which is very traceable to me.

So much for confidentiality!

No. We write from "DD's adoptive parents". Not that they will ever see the letters :(

Ds birth mum knows mine and dhs name. I have met her but dh hasn't. We write to her once a year, ds birth dad has disappeared and letter box contact was never set up
I don't think bm is a security risk.

I don't know DD's adoptive parents names - they don't write to me by mine, and they didn't sign off. Just 7 lines on a piece of paper.

[But most of you know how I feel about all this and I am giving this year's contact a go before I try and take some action about the situation. They wouldn't meet me because they are "too distinguished" so maybe that's the reason...]

Our name are unusual so not sure what were gonna do sw suggested faux names

Ours do. Just our first names, but it worries me a bit as there can't be very many same-sex couples in the general region where we live with our names.

There wasn't much we could do about that as our DD's SW was very close to the BPs and was all for throwing in all sorts of contact that hadn't been agreed, never mind telling them our names.

Thanks one and all.

No, we don't share ours. 5 years in a new sw asked us to. We said no.

Yes BM knows ours. We met her in person. Would have been strange to use fake names. But that made sense for our situation, not necessarily true for everyone of course.

We use first names but they aren't very rare at all

Maryz - they have refused to meet with me because of that, yes. The social worker's first description, rather than "a caring couple" or "kind" or any other descriptor, used "wealthy and distinguished". I know they have a big house with grounds. I take comfort in knowing that DD will lack for nothing materially. I brought her up quite simply - despite being in a professional job, we used public transport, and in her early years didn't have a television - so there's a really marked difference in attitude I think.

The thing is, she was in the school I'd started her in for a year in foster care. Did I ever go and watch her, cause trouble, turn up unannounced, try and disrupt the foster care placement? No. By an administrative slip I actually know the address of the foster carers. Social Services know this. Did I ever turn up there? No. So if I worked out who they were, because they let me have that bit of humanness, and certainty, meeting me and giving me their first names, would I damage DD's adoption???

Sorry to rant on your thread, Italian. It just overflowed in answer to Maryz' question. Sometimes in those middle of the night moments this is the sort of stuff that still eats me alive.

If your first names are unusual could you sign of with the first initial rather than a faux name? (just a suggestion)

I know our ds's adoptive mum and dads name's but I did meet them and it wasn't til I did I knew their names.

That's ok LittleMissDisorganized. Rant away!

LittleMissDisorganized, I'm so sorry that you are suffering. Your pain is so clear and I wish there was something that could help you find peace. Stay strong. Xx