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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Success Stories

24 replies

Reddy5 · 07/02/2014 15:08

Hello Everyone,
We're new and considering adoption. We have a nearly 8 year old DD. We're not naive but have heard much emphasis on the downside of adoption. For example the first time I expressed interest in it to a SW her response was "why on earth would you do it?"

Does anyone have some success stories to share?

OP posts:

Lilka · 07/02/2014 15:30

Hi and welcome

Well I guess it all depends on how you define the word 'success' - it's very subjective. What do you think is a success?

But I have no hesitation in saying that as far as I'm concerned, I have a successful adoption story and that I do not regret adopting for a second

My children have a mum and the best chance possible going forward in life
I have children
I love them and they love me
We are a family

So we are a success. Is parenting easy? No. But we have happy days and moments just as we have hard days. I went in wanting to be a mum, and I am one, and I would never want to live a life without my children in it. We are here, we are a legal family, and that's a massive success

If i hadn't adopted my children, they'd still be alive, they'd still be out there in the world, but they wouldn't be with me. And I find that too horrible to think about. Completely heartbreaking

Lilka · 07/02/2014 15:39

ps. My nearly 9 year old DS (he's a total joy by the way) made me a surprise cup of tea just out of kindness this morning (he got up extra early just to do it) and gave me a massive hug and said he can't wait for school to be over so he gets to spend the whole weekend with me

These are the moments that I treasure, these little wonderful moments. All the challenges I've ever faced and face, it's part and parcel of life and okay maybe a lot of people wouldn't choose my life, but for me it's so worth it for the pride in seeing my children achievements, both big and small, for the joy in the little family things we do, for the privelage of being my childrens mum.

cedar12 · 07/02/2014 16:30

Another success story here. We adopted ds 18months ago. He is great and can't imagine life with out him.
We have had tough times but nothing to awful, but ds is still quite young.

Devora · 07/02/2014 19:24

We adopted our 4yo dd when she was 10 months old. She is beautiful, bright and loving. We love her fiercely and she loves us. Best of all is the fantastic relationship she has with her sister, my birth child.

I think most potential adopters fear the additional needs and issues they hear that adopted children have, and it's certainly true to say that dd is demonstrating some attachment issues, which can be quite hard work. But my birth daughter has her own issues, which are also quite hard work. And because I love them both and I'm their mum, I get on with it. Both are doing really well at school, where they are academically and behaviourally normal.

Of course you hear about children who are so traumatised that they make life hell for all those around them. We are not in that position. I feel very lucky and blessed to have both my beautiful girls and adoption has enriched my life immeasurably.

cedar12 · 07/02/2014 19:36

Had to sort ds out so didnt finish my post.
Agree totally what Devora said. I have both a birth dd and adopted ds they can both be hard work for different reasons. It's still early days with ds to whether we will have any major problems.
Dd and ds have lovely relationship even though the age gap is 7 years. They both adore each other, most of the time anyway!!!
Love them both totally.

BerylThePeril44 · 07/02/2014 19:37

I have a success story, that is, I have a child who I love and is happy and settled...but it has not been easy and at times incredibly stressful. Our birth child was a few years older than yours and has managed very well. In hindsight, had he been a young child himself, would have been very difficult. In Adoption, you have to be very brave, its a bit of a leap of faith...not for the faint hearted but the rewards are overwhelming. By the way we are five plus years in, so have some perspective. Good luck x

junowiththegladrags · 07/02/2014 19:42

You know I brought this up at our prep week, there is soooo much emphasis on the negative it feels like there's no positive.

It is hard, but so is bringing up any child. I have one of each adopted and birth and they each have their dramas but ds who we adopted is settled happy and loved. That to me is a success. How we'll be in a month/year etc I don't know, but again no parent has any guarantees.

Best of luck by the way. It's worth it.

Mrmenmug · 07/02/2014 19:45

We adopted 2 brothers, 3 and 4 years old, at the time. It has been a total success and they are a joy. Hard work, but worth every minute. We didn't have children before that, so I can't offer an opinion on that aspect, but the process would cover all avenues/issues that may arise

Happiestinwellybobs · 07/02/2014 19:51

I have a success story. DD was 10 months when she came home to us, now approaching 3yo. It was tough in the beginning, but she has made our world complete.

Highlights today were her putting her hand over my head as I ran home carrying her in a hailstorm. "Me stop you getting wet mummy!" Telling me "me missed you" after her nap and a "me love you" as we played with Play Doh.

I'm not expecting it all to be easy; but neither would I with a birth child. But at the moment it really is. We are incredibly lucky to have been blessed with DD. She lights up a room, makes me roar with laughter, and is beautiful inside and out

Good luck if you decide to do it. It's not easy but more than worth it :)

2old2beamum · 07/02/2014 21:58

Never in a million years am I into 1 upmanship but we have adopted 8. Sadly 3 died but 2 came with short life expectancy. It has been the most wonderful experience we have ever had despite the sadness. We are now OAP's and youngest is 8 they are keeping us young and daft.

Good luck I is definitely worth it XX

crazeekitty · 07/02/2014 22:21

2old2beamum... Kudos to you. You've just given me the kick up the bum I needed.

Op.. I'm early on in placement.. a few months... Every day has a fresh drama and is totally exhausting emotionally. Is it a success? Absolutely.. because even though dd (9ish) gives me the absolute run around to check if she really is staying and not being packed off to yet another family, the fact is she IS staying and she has a family and good food and a warm bed and a whole community who are backing us up and wrapping her up in love and care. That in itself is a success because that girl finally has roots and a sense of belonging.

And I think your question is a brilliant one because I've been pretty low and feeling inadequate recently but thinking about your question made me revisit the core values of what we are trying to achieve here.

roadwalker · 08/02/2014 08:34

I would consider our adoption a success story. We love our daughter and she loves us
She is at the extreme end of challenging though so it depends on what you mean by a success story
I have had people on here pm me to ask how not to get a child like mine!
I think you need to expect an adopted child to be more challenging than a birth child because of their history and potential adopters need to be prepared for that
We are still together as a family despite our troubles and I have never regretted adopting (well perhaps in the early hours of the morning when we have had no sleep at all!)

Original poster

Reddy5 · 08/02/2014 09:57

Thank you for all the replies so far and for sharing your experiences and wisdoms. I'm experienced in leaps of faith :). We're not expecting misty focus moments but I'm somewhat comforted that it wouldn't be non stop war zone. I'm looking forward to learning more. Particularly in terms of the impact on and existing bd.

OP posts:

Lilka · 08/02/2014 11:12

I have had people on here pm me to ask how not to get a child like mine!

Jesus Christ. Sorry for derailing thread, but I'm nearly speechless with anger that anyone would do that

If anyone ever PM's me with something like that...

roadwalker · 08/02/2014 11:37

Lilka, I thought we all must get this type of message
I hope those who I have pm conversations with do not think I mean them
I have had 3 posters specifically ask for advice to avoid getting a child like my DD

Lilka · 08/02/2014 12:02

No, I've never been asked that
Which if you have, seems surprising that I haven't! Given that I start a good number of the threads about difficulties on here

Unbelievable. Did you ignore them or reply?

roadwalker · 08/02/2014 13:09

It was in response to a particular post I think
A while ago, I think I put something about what I think the reasons for her challenges are
Or, I seem like a soft touch!
I am slightly embarrassed to admit it but yes I did reply

Moomoomie · 08/02/2014 18:07

roadwalker that is so sad, I hope you put them straight in your reply and hopefully they decide not to adopt, because none of us know exactly how our children are going to be, birth or adopted.

Hels20 · 08/02/2014 18:33

I think ours is a success story. DH and I can't have biological children. Almost 3 months ago, our DS came home to live with us. Apart from a few sleepless nights, I cannot believe how well it has gone. We fell in love with him from the word go (sounds cliched but it's true) and we couldn't believe that he hadn't been adopted before as he is bright (he is 2.7 years and can do 45 piece puzzles!), is so much fun and seems to have made a great attachment to us.

I cannot say enough positive things about our adoption experience.

TeenAndTween · 08/02/2014 20:54

Ours is a success story (so far). We adopted siblings 7 years ago, and it is generally going well. But of course teen years can be unpredicatble at the best of times, so who knows what the next 10 years will hold....

Devora · 08/02/2014 23:00

Reddy, you WILL get misty focus moments. And challenging moments too. The thing to remember is that at the outset it's hard to see past the negatives. But the love is what makes it worthwhile. Aren't relationships always challenging and sometimes difficult, at least some of the time? But when it's your child, who you love and you loves and needs you, it doesn't make it less hard (in some ways it makes it more hard) but it makes it something you would sign up for again and again. Of course, there are children who are so damaged they can't give or receive love - and I think that was what I was secretly most scared of - but most of us have children who fiercely love us, and need us, and who enrich our lives every day.

Kewcumber · 09/02/2014 01:08

most of us have children who fiercely love us, and need us, and who enrich our lives every day.

Amen! (caveat: this is from a devout atheist so may not carry much weight)

2old2beamum · 09/02/2014 12:34

Amen to that as well kewcumber from a fellow dovout atheist

BeaLola · 12/02/2014 00:47

It is the best thing we ever did. I still cannot believe that this beautiful , funny , full-on six year old is our son.

Every day is different except I love him more and more. He has been with us since he was 4.5. Just being called Mummy by him gives me a ready brek glow inside.

Yes we have had ups and downs but I fell in love with him before I met him, I fell in love with him the first time I met him and everyday since. Today I was feeling a bit let down by a friend and as I pulled onto our driveway after school pickup he clambered through to give me a cuddle, he stroked the side of my face and told me not to be sad, he added that he loved me more than I could ever imagine and that I was the best mummy ..... We hugged and I told him I loved him a million zillion trillion times and I meant it .

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