therapy- yes or no

[roadwalker]

Can I have some opinions please - I really dont know if to go with therapy or not
Last year we had massive fall out from very badly done therapy, major trauma- house fires, constant destruction, swearing, etc

We are in a much calmer place now but DD does have a very scary enjoyment of cruelty and needs high supervision

We have been offered child psychology through CAMHS, he is not a specialist though in either attachment or FASD

Do I risk upsetting the calm and accept that she needs help with feelings and that bottling it up will lead to more trouble in the future
Or, do we leave well alone and have therapy in the future when she is able to cope with talking about feelings
Or try and push SS into funding more specialist therapy
DD is 7 but emotionally very young, I have read that typically children with FASD are about half their age emotionally and that is about right for DD
Thanks

I woudl go for 3. Try to get funding for specialist therapy eg post adoption centre in London.

You need therapy that will involve you, as parents, in a key way. Going to see a therapist once a week and drawing picture of fires ain't gonna help.

I m not an expert on FASD but enjoyment of cruelty is a major red flag for serious attachment issues. I'm afraid that this problem is only going to get bigger and more expensive to deal with. If the LA baulk at the cost, perhaps they could research the cost of a secure unit?

I don't mean to scare or upset you, but I think they need to get a clear understanding of what this might mean in a few years. Often we APS are so busy focussing on the progress our child has made, we minimise the problems .

Whether she can talk about her feelings is not the issues. Clearly these feelings are too big for her to handle So she is having to act them out. She needs specialist help now. As do you.

I am not a hugger but if I was I would give you one. More than most people on these boards, I know the enormity of what you are doing

Roadwalker I know virtually nothing but I agree with Kristina (for what it is worth).

I am a hugger so hugs. (and sorry if that sounds flippant, I have little else to offer except a quick arrow prayer which I am shooting upwards now!) Oh and one more thing current government are so pro adoption, (supposedly) which should mean supporting all adoptions and making sure they do not break down not just recruiting new adopters!

Op. have you heard of The FASDtrust?
I went to a study day last week run by them and one of the things she said was that talking therapy or any of the usual therapies do not work for children with FASD.
Not sure where that leaves you at the moment, apart from you need specialist help from someone who really knows about the affects of FASD

And yes, half their age.
They also can have a spiky profile, meaning they can seem leaps ahead in some areas and not others.
I mentioned to Lilka earlier that I am going to ask for the presentation slides, if I manage to acquire them, I am very happy to email them to you.

I would love the slides if you can get them, thanks
DD has that profile, intelligent, fantastic problem solving skills, terrible social skills and emotionally very immature

She has told me she feels good when she hurts someone/something
What does work then, we were looking at chrysalis which is attachment therapy

I think if you can get funding for both an assessment and subsequent therapy at a specialist centre (chrysalis as you said, FASD clinic, GOSH etc) that is your best bet, because these centres are the specialists, far more experienced and knowledgable than CAMHS and the other first/second line of services. They are all a bit different and have slightly different focusses but they provide the most likely chance of good quality intervention which might make a difference in your day to day life.

I agree that the people who help you need to be very knowledgable about FASD, I would prioritise that. That's not to say an attachment based approach will not provide any benefits at all, just that all the work done with your DD needs to be based around/really take into account her having FASD as well as other difficulties she has, because that changes things

My DD2 has gained benefits from specialised psychotherapies (EMDR and DDP based sessions) at a specialist centre BUT she has complex PTSD and everyone knew that it was trauma memories and PTSD causing quite a lot of her issues, and that can be helped by psychotherapies, whereas FASD can't be 'healed', you just have to learn to manage it best and find the strategies which maximise your childs progress and ability to function. That said, her learning and organic issues do really complicate things, and whilst specialist kinds of therapy have definitely noticeably helped us, DD still has significant difficulties in many areas of life

One other thing some of the specialist centres can help with is support for parents - some, not all, will offer parents sessions alone, or parent support groups, or telephone support. Basically a support package which is aimed at really helping the parent as well as the child, and this is again, if you are at one of those places, a real step up from other services

However securing the funding to do this can be difficult