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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Getting started with adoption and feeling nervous/excited ...

31 replies

firenze2 · 12/02/2013 15:11

Hi everyone. I'm a newbie on the site and I've been checking out some of the threads. It is nice to feel like I'm not 'the only one' dealing with stuff like unexplained infertility, failed IVF cycles, 'everyone' else getting pregnant but me, and other fun things like that. Like some of the people on here, we thought about adoption for a long time, but always thought it would happen after a biological child. Well, that was the original thinking but now DH and I are moving on. We have done a prelim interview and in our area the next step is a prep course - time TBC. Hopefully sooner rather than later!

OP posts:
Lilka · 12/02/2013 17:59

Hello and welcome :)

You are definitely not alone. Best of luck in this process, make yourself at home here if you like, and don't ever be afraid to ask for advice, or start a thread to chat, rant, cry or anything else you feel like. It's a pretty emotional process!

Happiestinwellybobs · 12/02/2013 18:43

Welcome:) I've found the adoption pages really helpful and everyone is so supportive. I was exactly at the stage you are at two years ago. A long roller-coaster process but so worth it!

Broodymomma · 12/02/2013 18:51

Just wanted to say hi. I am new too. Just had our first day prep course today so we can go crazy together.

Italiangreyhound · 12/02/2013 19:51

Hi Firenze wishing you luck.

Do feel very welcome to post on this thread here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1562171-Newbies?msgid=37220672#37220672

and there are others about just getting started etc,

All the best.

theonehandman · 13/02/2013 22:25

No you are not alone. I remember the prep courses very well. During them i was fine, but when I got home i was exhausted, they are emotionally draining, so try and prepare yourself as best you can for that. We have just had our little boy placed with us, and it was a hard slog, so my advice to you is to try (?) and not to get too overwhelmed by it, we had some horrendous experiences during the adoption process, including being refused by our LA, and we thought about giving up more than once. However, before i get you all depressed, as I say, we have had our little boy move in, and we could not be happier, it is most definately the most amazing thing I will ever do. I hope you have it a little easier than us, but by all means have a look at my blog if you want the gory details - it tells the story of my infertility, IVF and then eventually adoption. www.theonehandman.co.uk Best of luck.

Original poster
firenze2 · 13/02/2013 22:40

Wow, thanks very much everyone! I really appreciate all the kind words and support. I will check out the thread for newbies (thanks, Italiangreyhound) and the blog (and you, theonehandman). Broodymomma - sounds good to me!

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
firenze2 · 13/02/2013 22:54

Btw, Broodymama, how was your first day on the prep course? Is it a weekly thing or all at once?

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 14/02/2013 15:37

Hello firenze - I have a seven year old so no help at all when it comes to current prep courses and the like. Always happy to pontificate though even if I know nothing.

Broodymomma · 14/02/2013 16:58

Our prep course was good thanks - it's 3 full days spread over 3 weeks.

Original poster
firenze2 · 18/02/2013 11:00

Kewcumber: Pontificating always welcome. :)

Broodymama: Glad to hear it. Guess it makes sense to spread it out. Hopefully, we will find out this week when ours is.

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theonehandman · 20/02/2013 15:10

Hi everyone
How are you all doing, and how is the adoption journey going. Still early days, but how are you all feeling?

Italiangreyhound · 20/02/2013 22:31

Feeling good, medical in one week's time!!

Broodymomma · 20/02/2013 23:19

All good here. We have done day 2 of the prep
Course now and still keen lol. I just can't imagine the day we actually bring our child home. On a positive note had to visit my best pal in a labour ward tonight seen lots of newborns and never even felt a twang. First time ever so I know in my heart this is 100 percent the right route for us and I'm so ready for it.

How are you all doing?

theonehandman · 21/02/2013 22:26

Ah the medical - I remember it well. We had a joint medical, and my wife was caught out a bit, but it is a lot of money, for very little.
Broodymomma - Hope the prep course is going okay, it was a bit mind bending for me. Bringing home the child was a bag of mixed emotions for us, but getting to know them is mega! kepp posting on here I am interested in how you all get on. Best wishes. x

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2013 00:00

theonehandman would you be willing to share a bit of your story, please?

From the dad's/man's side, please? We don't seem to get many dads/men on mumsnet! Would be interesting to hear anything at all, for example how ou and your wife felt/thought about stuff?

Don't want to hijack the thread at all but just curious.

Hi Broodymomma and firenze2.

Happiestinwellybobs · 22/02/2013 08:15

Italian good luck with the medical. My only piece of advice is to wear big pants!! I has to bend over and touch my toes - I was wearing a thong Blush. Needless to say I told the doctor I was going to stand with my back to the wall and do it Grin.

Actually it was fine really, apart from my DH being diagnosed with diabetes :(. But even that was a good thing in the long run as it gave him the wake up call he needed to change diet/exercise etc.

theonehandman · 25/02/2013 14:41

Hello Italiangreyhound, that is quite a wide topic, is there anything specific you would like to know? Without wanting to use this thread as a personal advert, all of my stories from when I first took a sperm test to now are on my blog, and I have tried to demonstrate how I, as a man, felt throughout the whole thing, but I am happy to discuss almost any element of our adoption story, and will gladly let you know how I felt - just ... which bit??

Italiangreyhound · 25/02/2013 20:46

Happiestinwellybobs even wearing a thong or big pants I can't touch my toes, what an odd test!

So sorry to hear about our DH, hope he gets the right treatment.

theonehandman Please do send me a link to your blog. I guess i wonder how men process it all. My hubby was pretty nonchelont in the beggining. It was all me and my idea, but now he is more behind the idea and after prep group he seems more keen! I guess how do I ensure I don't take over?? But not to hijack the thread, could you message me or should I post a thread entitled something like 'I want to ask a man something!'

theonehandman · 26/02/2013 14:36

Hi - blog is www.theonehandman.co.uk, but I will message you.

Original poster
firenze2 · 26/02/2013 23:05

No worries about adding to the thread - happy to see where the discussion takes us. And any info is always useful!

Good point about the man's point of view...that doesn't seem to be something that gets much attention, sadly.

We seem to be getting a bit of a runaround with the LA that we thought was going to take us on. So while we wait for that decision, we've made enquiries with another place. Both have prep courses running in April, but it is annoying how difficult it is to get the process started. But I guess this is just the tip of the iceberg ...

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 09/03/2013 01:08

Hope it all works out firenze2.

theonehandman thank you. How lovely that you have the best wife in the world. Where did you get the name from?

Italiangreyhound · 09/03/2013 01:30

theonehandman as firenze is happy for us to digress can i ask a question, please?

Can I ask, what areas do you think that were very different for you and your wife?

Any areas in the adoption process that you think you and your wife reacted to differently, and also whether that was because of who you are or because of general stuff.

We have only just started the adoption journey so I can't yet say what we will be like! but an example I might give for our own fertility journey is that my husband seemed much more bothered by the practical stuff than I was! The long car journeys etc as our clinic was far away. That seemed to bother him more than me. I think it is partly that he is a guy and all the other stuff was not as significant to him as to me (ie it was me who was having constant scans to look at my womb lining!) and also partly because of who my hubby is. Could you give me an adoption related equivelent or two, please?

theonehandman · 13/03/2013 16:18

Hello
This is a tricky one. Originally I wanted two children, and my wife only wanted one. This was because I had a great relationship with my brother growing up (still do) and am a big advocate of friendly sibling rivalry. On the other hand, wifers and her sister do not get on, and so she wanted our child to avoid the same treatment she got growing up. The agency decided for us, and we were only approved for one. I cannot think of any element of adoption where we had different opinions because of our sex. HOWEVER... I am a stay at home dad, and she is working. It is difficult for her to come to terms with the fact that I am fulfilling the traditional female role - something she has wanted for many years. That is circumstance rather than adoption though. I will keep in touch to see if anything else pops into my head.

Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2013 17:57

theonehandman thanks that is very helpful.

All best wishes.

We met our new social worker last week. She is quite lively and I am sure she will keep us on our toes.

Italiangreyhound · 22/03/2013 09:54

theonehandman can you tell me, please, when your little one came home what did you and your wife found helpful in terms of getting to know little one?

Did you chat, play games, ask questions, guess etc. I mean stuff like what they like to eat, do, watch on TV etc? Did you find you and your wife went about stuff differently?

Just asking, feel free to ignore if you wish to.

Thanks.