What to write in our mailbox letters

[Happiestinwellybobs]

We are due to write our mailbox letters this month, but I'm a bit of a loss as to what to put in the letters to our DD's half siblings, one of whom is adopted and one who is a newborn and in foster care. Do I just do an update as I would for birth parents I.e. likes, dislikes, nursery update etc. also I wouldn't give our names on the letter for birth parents, but what about the ones for her siblings?

All advice welcome :)

Bump :)

Until till your daughter can tell you what she would like you to say to her siblings i suggest you just go with the generic update.

Happiestinwellybobs hi, I am not yet an adoptive parent so can't say but in our training we did discuss this, as I am sure did you.

We also had some interesting input that suggested a more personalised letter to some might get a response than a general one but that really was for grown ups not children! I'd go with the generic update but just tailored to the reader. So if the siblings are a certain age then tailored to them etc. Although how you tailor to a baby I have no idea!

If you arent giving your names on one letter I'd probably do the same on the others! That's just how I think! Do the same for them all. For loads of reasons but propably totally spurious reasons!! Like easier to remember and if the letter to be shown to anyone else would still be annonymous etc.

As I say, I have no real advice but am just thinking what I would do if I were in your shoes!

Prep group, not training! Apologies.

We write a very generic letter, likes and dislikes etc.
It was a lot easier to write when the girls were younger, as there I so much more to talk about.
Know our eldest two have actually started writing their own letters to their brother, which helps and is really what he wanted.
I remember being told to write the letters as if to an elderly aunt whom you never see.

Thank you all :)

I write about what toys, TV programmes they watch, what activities they like, food they like etc.. and I would leave names out. I need to do one too. Sometimes takes a bit of working up to.

Happiestinwellybobs I am thinking about this letter writing thing. I wondered if this is an idea - when fun or nice or simply interesting things happen on a day by day occurance make a note in your diary on in a document on file on your pc. When it comes time to write your first letter you will have a whole lot of anicodtes or comments to draw on which might make it seem easier to put pen to paper. Some things may seem inappropriate or perhaps very personal and you will not want to share but other things will, and you may find it easier.

Has anyone tried this? Does it make the process easier or does it make it harder, in that you are thinking of the letter on a regular basis? I just wonder if the letter and its preparation being more a regular prt of average life might make it less scary and less of an issue (IF it were scary and an issue to some, not necessarily you Happiestinwellybobs). I certainly think it might seem a big deal to me when/if I need to do it so this seemed one way of making it less of a 'thing', iyswim.

This is what I might do if and when we find ourselves being able to adopt.

I sort of do what Italian has said - I keep a journal of what the children get upto for them to have when they're grown up and I pick bits out that I think their birth parents might like to hear about. Also, going through the photos for the year helps. I also include what toys/telly etc they're interested in. I try to include some of their funny little ways that are becoming family stories. Mine are still quite little so not ready to write themselves.

Even so, it always takes me a few weeks to psyche myself up to writing the actual letter - I want it to be just right because you only get one chance a year, and one of our birth parents has found it very difficult to write back, so I'm concious of being encouraging without putting pressure on for a response. I also find that I have a few weeks of thinking a lot about them, wondering how they are and how life is for them. It's not an issue as such, but it does get me thoughtful about the situation and the adoption process. Saying that, I think about it all the time, more than I thought I would.

Great idea Italian and Piffy. I will do that in future and try to reflect and jot some thoughts down for this one. We are unlikely to get any response from DD's birth parents, but I want it to be right 'just in case'. As for siblings, I am hoping that we will eventually have direct contact with them. I will make a start this weekend - and get the crayons out for DD to add her own scribbles picture :)

Good luck with it Happiest! Don't get too bogged down with it, if you get very stuck your letterbox administrator might be able to give you some advice or even examples. Even if you don't get a response I always think it will be good for the children to see what you wrote when they are bigger. Also, it might take your birth parents several years to get in a state of mind where they can write back - we were delighted when we got a response from one of ours that we thought we might never have had, very valuable for the little ones on the future.