matching

[funnychic]

I am feeling a bit pi**ed off with my sw! She has just started visiting my references and has disclosed to one exactly what is on my matching criteria in the hope that she can influence me to change it and accept more than I am willing to take on. Not only do I think this a breach of confidentiality but to ask her to spk to me about changing my mind so it will be easier to match I think is dead wrong. So how do I tackle this with her without annoying her?
I wouldnt mind if I had put NO on the matching form but for quite a lot I have put will discuss so I dont know what exactly she has a problem with. I think this is inparticular to behaviour issues which I said maybe to and she wants me to say yes to!
Advice pls

I'm sorry she shared that information, she really shouldn't have done

However I would be inclined not to bring it up with her, and try and stay on her good side. Frustrating I know, and I'm sure you do want to tackle it. But I think it would be better if it is brought up again, to say that you are willing to consider a child with xyz issues as you have ticked maybe on the forms, but you aren't comfortable saying definitely yes. And don't mention your referree or what SW did

If it helps you, you could always write a note to your SW, and put in it all the things you'd LIKE to say to her. It might make you feel better. Then destroy the note and never let her see it!!

Yes I think your right although I cant get it out of my mind I have decided not to say anything I would hate to piss her off so near to matching. I really wouldnt mind but for most things I have put maybe so I dont know what the problem is. Many thanks for the reply

I have to say I agree with Lilka. I completely understand your feelings, but at this point she has all the power and you have none. Keep shtum, resist her efforts to make you shift your position. Write down everything she does that seriously pisses you off, and write a letter of complaint AFTER your child is with you and the adoption is finalised. Until then, the risks are too high.

It shouldn't be that way, I know.

I agree with lilka. I wouod be annoyed too but its always a bad idea to disagree in any way.they really REALLY dont like it

BTW i think that you might struggle to find a child if yiu are only saying maybe to behavioral problems. Sadly Most children in care have them

Also nit sure how you are "so close to matching" if yiu are only at the beginning of your home study?

Oops x posted with devora.must learn to type faster.as well as better

Personaly i woulndt complain until your child is 18 or you have moved out of the area. They can still get revenge until then

Hi

Thanks all for the advice, Iam not at the beginning of homestudy Im nearly at the end.

Oh thats good then, i assumed you were at the beginning as they were meeting your referees. I hope it goes quickly and smoothly from now on

ALso agree - smile and nod, smile and nod.

She doesn't need to know that you are visualising her with a large hatchet buried in her head.

Doesn;t maybe mean "yes"? It did in my world.... would you accept a very premature baby? "maybe" Oh good [tick].

Absolutely agree with kew's recommendation of 'maybe'. I found the following line helpful: 'We would be open to considering that; we would want to explore that particular child's needs and our ability to meet them'.

Hi well I didnt mention it at all until she did AGAIN!!! LOL, had second review with her boss who also mentioned it, I really wouldnt mind if I had put no but to most important issues ive said will discuss. Not being moved on any others this is too important to me and I just dont feel comfortable with a yes so I think that it has been put to bed and with only a couple of sessions left to go think I dont think it will be brought up again. Thanks everyone for your comments