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Adoption

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Original poster

what legal papers are required at adoption?

9 replies

auntevil · 01/09/2011 08:34

I was adopted in the 60s. I have recently had my file opened which has included more of the factual details.
I had always grown up knowing that i was adopted, and had a brilliant childhood with a very loving family. It is further medical information that i am looking for in the hope that it may help my children - although i would be lying if i said that i would not be interested in meeting my birth family Grin
I have my BMs d.o.b - but cannot find a birth certificate to match. After some searching i found it overseas. There seems to be discrepancies over the year Hmm . I can guess why - if she was a year younger, the conception would have taken place prior to the age of 16 .....
I just wondered what checks do they make when a child is given up for adoption on the voracity of the documents given to them?
What responsibilities do the adoption agencies have in checking these documents?
As an aside - my adopted mum had always said that my BM was 15 - so i was a little surprised when the documents didn't support this as she had got all the other details right - perhaps it was a nudge nudge wink wink from the social worker that mum went by and not the facts?

OP posts:
hester · 01/09/2011 09:49

auntevil, I don't know what adoption practice was like back in the 60s, but I have to say that my recent experience as an adopter has been an eye-opener. I am stunned at how loose and inaccurate the information we received was; it seems that it is very much down to the calibre of the individual social worker to ensure that what is on the files is comprehensive and accurate.

So yes, I think it is entirely possible that the original documents were not thoroughly checked.

Hope someone will be along to give you better advice soon.

KristinaM · 01/09/2011 15:40

I would be most surprised if they made any checks on the story or teh documents. They dont even make make many checks now, let alone in teh 1960s

Do you find it upsetting that your Bm was under 16?

I see that you are seeking medical informaion. Unless there was anything in yoir adoption papers, you are unliekely to get any more without contcating your birth family directly. Im sure you will appreciate that medical information needs to be kept confidential

Original poster
auntevil · 01/09/2011 17:21

I don't have any problem with my BM being young. She wrote me a beautiful letter which my parents gave me when I was 18 - as requested. It explained her hopes and wishes for me - and her inability to give me the support that i deserved. Like many 15/16 year olds today - she was articulate in her thoughts and had made her decision based on realities, not hearts desires. I respect that.
The medical information i am looking for is more something that as you get older is discussed more! I remember reading on another thread that it would be unlikely for a young mother to know much about their families ailments. What i knew at her age was negligible in comparison to now. Its mainly allergy and intolerance stuff - and hypermobility issues. From the information in the file - i know that 1 of her brothers and her father both had mild atopic related issues - it would be helpful to know if they had any of the others that my DS and i suffer with - and if so, how they were treated. She might know now.
The thing i am finding most surprising, judging from what both Kristina and hester have said is that any information contained in those files is as genuine as the information giver intended it to be!
I think i probably checked the information for accuracy more when i bought a puppy!

OP posts:
Original poster
auntevil · 02/09/2011 10:32

Just an update to this - my BM has asked that i contact her. So I may get some answers - eventually! I don't think that they will be the priority for the first contact - but would love to know how much variance there is between my file and the truth!
Wish me luck - i'm just about to compose my first letter [no emoticon for how i'm feeling at the moment]

OP posts:
KristinaM · 02/09/2011 16:26

Oh my goodness! How are you feeliimg? You are obviously keen to be in touch with her if you are writing straight away

Do you have a counsellor or intermediary? This is a very emotional journey for you. However much you belive that its just abiut finding out information, it WILL bring up a lot of difficult feelijgs for you. Do you have soemone ( partner, friend) who will suport you? Soemone outside your adoptive family -its too much for them to support you AND deal with thwir own feelings

Original poster
auntevil · 02/09/2011 19:38

Thanks Kristina - I have my DH - who is supportive in an unsupportive way. He's very factual and clinical - and points out the pitfalls. I also have a couple of good friends who share the emotional side more and ask the 'what if' type questions.
I haven't told any of my adoptive family. Unfortunately, they are few and far between now. I only have 1 uncle in his 80s who has just lost his wife, and my mum - who is end stages alzheimers. The rest of the family live the other side of the world and there's not that many there either!
Strangely enough it feels a bit 'first date' like Biscuit . You want to know them, but you don't yet. Could be a disaster, could go well, will they like me, will i like them etc etc. It's that nervous and excited feeling at the same time - very weird to get this feeling so late in life!
I would have gone through an intermediary if I could have got an address for her before contact was made with a member of the family. But unfortunately - as in the original post - there is a discrepancy in birth years and i needed to make sure i had the right person. could you imagine if they really were 2 different people - and i picked the wrong one to write to Shock

OP posts:
hester · 02/09/2011 21:30

Wow - how exciting and nerve-wracking. Best of luck.

Original poster
auntevil · 05/09/2011 08:03

Another quick update. I got an e-mail from a search company that i had been using and where you can put your family tree. It was inviting me to view a tree. I have a half brother - and not just 1! - 4! Grin
Still very vague on my BM's birth year!
I might be reading too much into this, but for the tree access to be sent to me by the half brother, means that i must have been discussed?
I feel exactly like hester put it - excited, but my nerves are most definitely 'wracked' Grin

OP posts:
KristinaM · 05/09/2011 14:30

I agree, it sounds like your Bm has told her other children about you. Which is great, IMO. Shows they have a close relationship. Also that they want to know more about you or perhaps meet. Of course its up to you what you decide to do . But i think it sounds verypositive

Just remember to take things at your own pace. And have a drink/coffee witn your freinds first to talk it through a bit

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