Friend's little boy comes home next week - what to do

[SharonGless]

Hi sorry to burst in on adoptions but would appreciate your advice.
My BF and her H are adopting a little boy who they are being introduced to now. He will be back at home with them next week. My DS has already drawn a picture for him which will be in his bedroom and we have taken photographs of both DC in the garden at their house so that when he meets them they won't be too strange for him.

I would like to mark the occasion - everyone buys presents on the birth of a child and for me this occasion is just as important.

What would you suggest? He is 2.5yrs and they have been donated or bought a lot of things already from friends and family

one of those handprint/footprint kits can be nice as no-one thinks to buy it for an older child. Wooden letters were nice for us too. I'd avoid toys books as you don;t know what he'll bring with him.

letters sound like a good idea, or what about a nice picture frame that they can put their first family pic in?
i think someone on a previous thread suggested a quilt for new childs bed.

toys,clothes and books can be tricky as some children are placed with nothing were as others will bring lots with them.

when our DD's came home my sister made me a pamper box so i could treat myself and get a little break from all the stress whilst DH looked after girls, it had things like face mask, chocs a little bottle of wine etc in so that might be nice for you friend, most people got DH beer! think he needed it though suddenly having 3 females in the house

Oh wow love the idea of the footprint/handprint and the wooden letters.

thanks very much for the advice. I think I will take a pamper box over in a couple of weeks when she has got over the initial excitement and needs a pamper.

I have pointed her in this direction for advice previously so hopefully she will join you

I wouldn't buy the little boy anything just yet as he doesn't need to be overloaded with gifts - it will all be strange enough as it is. Everything needs to be taken very slowly and visitors should be kept to a minimum while the new parents get used to being parents (I imagine for the first time?). I think the best help you can give your friend is some easy to prepare goodies from M & S, or something cooked even better. Your friend is going to need to confide in someone and she is going to feel exhausted probably. Early days and weeks in adoption can be very emotional and stressful, and sometimes new adoptive parents worry whether they have done the right thing. They need someone in whom they can confide, as thy won't tell the social worker - they'll be too scared. We only got to hear about these things once all was well and the family had adjusted to being parents.

Be guided by your friends re first visits and lengths of stay (short visits best to begin with) and I'm sure you know to be friendly with the little boy, but let him find the right time to take more interest in you. Other kids and animals are great levellers in these situations.

You can always buy the child something once he is settled and you know more about his likes etc and what others have bought, so you don't duplicate.

Best wishes to the new mum and dad and little boy