ERCS - how are you faring in the current climate?

[wigletswiglet]

Working in HE has been a crap-fest for as long as I can remember, but I'm really struggling at the moment with just finding the motivation to care. I realised that so much of what was spurring me on to succeed before has been worn away - the kind of passion/commitment that would make me work late, weekends and through holidays. The only thing I'm enjoying at the moment is the flexibility of the job, it feels lonely with impossible targets and no promise of a secure job on the horizon. Now I am just jaded and disillusioned but clueless as to what else I would do as being an academic is so bound up with my identity.

I'm approaching the end of my fixed term post-doc contract and need to start applying for jobs, but I'm just so tired - for other ECRs in a similar position, how are you faring and what are you thinking looking ahead?

I'm not an ECR as I got stuck on a teaching only contract but I am 'grateful' because it is permanent.

I feel just as you do however. I am going through the motions. I am just exhausted. Last academic year was absolutely brutal. I haven't sufficiently recovered and now I just don't care about anything much. I am dealing with ongoing health issues too and a midlife crisis (I expect you're much younger).

Academic identity is such a dangerous thing. I don't think it makes us happy.

@Mumteedum sending lots of hugs as I know we're all struggling with going forward given the state of things! I'm younger but grappling with an autoimmune condition (which I suspect was caused by academia/overdoing it; every academic I know seems to have one). I just feel like I can't do the precarity anymore, but equally have no idea what else I would do. I hate feeling so numb and lacking in purpose as work has always been such a big part of my life. Would you look at retraining?

It also sounds silly, but part of me feels like I haven't grown up when I look at my friends in stable careers with much more rounded lives. I feel like I'm always doing 'homework' (working late on never-ending writing) or applying for jobs all over and being at the beck and call of the next thing. Sometimes I don't feel more grown up than the students I work with!

I have several younger colleagues who did the masters-PhD and precarious teaching/research route. One of them left for a job in a different sector with big pay bump, better pension and a permanent contract and I was so pleased for her, but also sad that she had to make that decision to get a mortgage and have the life she deserves. She was brilliant.

I came into this as a second career after being in industry from my masters. I don't have a PhD and it would be impossible for me to do it with my responsibilities, lack of support and could not afford to cut my wages and pay for it either (or work crazy hours with this illness).

Would I retrain at my age? I would consider it if I was well and younger but I'm not. I am going to just stick it out but perhaps cut my hours if and when I can't cope, or if I feel we will get made redundant. I would perhaps look at getting some income on a side gig at that point.

Being grown up is a myth. I don't feel grown up but often I am the only proper grown up in the room it seems! Bit of a worry.

Perhaps you would benefit from a side hustle or jump elsewhere. I'm sure colleagues who are research active would warn against leaving before building up your profile but I would consider it in your shoes. I'm glad I had another career first. Don't doubt yourself. Do what's best for you. Sometimes a risk is worth taking?

@Mumteedum I've also seen others leave and they haven't looked back - it's tough to do when you're conditioned to believe it's your life/identity!

And I'm wondering whether to pour all my energy into applying for the civil service (though they have a freeze on at the moment, I think). Or another research related career/maybe freelancing. I think I just need some structure and less of the admin/chasing up broken systems - I am so fed up with how long it takes it get anything done in HE. I've hopefully got enough on my CV to swap to other things but most academics I know are looking for other jobs at the moment so are doing the same thing as me, I suspect...

Would you look at PS instead?