Feel like I should retire but why? Talk me down. Or up!

[worstofbothworlds]

I'm in my 50s but my DH is considerably older. Teenage DCs who we had later in life so still at school. I should retire but I feel like I still have loads left to do!
I haven't had a grant over 50K in the last 10 years (I'm in STEM) and I've just been rejected yet again.
I feel like I could just spend 5 years writing up papers and then retire.
But I still have research questions I haven't answered.
I want to do both - spend more time with the DCs and DH but also have a full time research career with funded projects!

I'm not familiar, does this mean you are working for free?

For me, if I had the option to retire I would. Life is simply too short

Then carry on working, you will know when you are ready. It isn't purely financial, it has to be when you feel done with work and looking forward to doing something different. Feeling you "should" do something isn't something that ought to determine what you do next.

If someone said you had to retire right now, would you feel pleased, relieved or annoyed or a little of all of them?

I'm already 0.8, and I feel like I don't get enough time for me or the DCs, or at work to get stuff done.

@topcat2014 don't really understand the question?

@GOODCAT I think I'd be annoyed as I'm in the middle of several papers! I know lots of academics semi-retire or go very part time and that's always an option but I already feel like I don't get enough time on research!

can you resign from everything except research, drop to 0.6, and write papers for five years?

I mean I know you will still need to teach. But everything else - grant reviewing, paper reviewing, editing, H&S committees, all of that.

What would retired you do except for spending time with family?

I could get out of reviewing/editing (actually I was just let go from an editing role that actually paid so that's pretty annoying!) but not committees etc. unfortunately!

@SantiagoSky I'd do more craft, go to the gym more, possibly more music but that tends to be an evening/weekend thing so it clashes with DC stuff. DH and I could travel in half terms which has always been a pain with teaching but we couldn't do much more in terms of travelling.
Sort out the house, read, maybe do some feminist campaigning?
I fear I won't be taken seriously in political circles though if I'm retired - I'm fairly active in some areas but it helps to be an active researcher.

If you've just been rejected for a grant don't make any snap decisions. You're feeling down and you might end up doing something you regret later. From what you've said it definitely doesn't sound like you're ready to retire.

Why not go more part time now and look to increase again in future?
If you keep your hand in with the subject, you could let your ideas gently simmer for a few years?

You could ask for a temporary reduction of hours for a couple of years perhaps.

As someone who's never had a job that they both felt they were good at and enjoyed, I feel that if you've found a place in the working world that you like and that carries a sense of meaning and fulfilment, you should stick with it.

Would it be possible to focus on increasing the quality of your family time? (Very subjective, but could include e.g. building it more around shared experiences).

Does your DH want you to spend more time with him? Is he lonely?

Does your DH want you to spend more time with him? Is he lonely?
I think he's keen for me to retire, though maybe he wouldn't be so keen if I was around all the time.
He has a chronic illness, though his family are all generally long lived, but I don't know how long he's got and in particular how long he's got for healthy travel.

If you've just been rejected for a grant don't make any snap decisions.
You're dead right, and we've also recently had a family bereavement (family member was much older than either of us but it was sudden and shocking so it's got me thinking).
But I have been rejected from almost every grant I've applied for in the last 10 years and I'm bored of being rejected!

Just to add, I'm thinking 4-5 years time and I only have to give 6 months notice I think so I can ponder now and decide later.

But I have been rejected from almost every grant I've applied for in the last 10 years and I'm bored of being rejected! Can you change your approach to increase your chance of success?

I don't know if you are in academia but the rejection rate is up to 90%.
I have changed everything that everyone else says works. Apparently it doesn't for me. Colleagues read my application and say "great idea, well written, but it's all a lottery as you know" and they are right.

I may be in a field that doesn't attract much funding, but if I switched fields I'd be too inexperienced in that field.

I feel your pain. I’ve spent months working on a grant application and it will almost certainly not be successful. I’ve had lots of feedback and think it’s good, but it is (as you say) a lottery.

I’m 50 and can’t see myself keeping going for 15 more years. The way academia has changed over the last 20 years is depressing and it’s only getting worse.