Court ordered contact problems.

[Contactwoes]

I have a ds and a dd, 10 and 11, both still at primary school yet.

They don't want to see their dad, long history, I have supported them, but his behaviour has led to them choosing this.

There is now court ordered contact.

They will not go, I've dropped them off and they have run away, court ordered school pick ups and they just avoid him and come home, they dont speak on the phone.

Meantime I'm getting in trouble for not facilitating, when I 100% am they just do not want to attend.

Back in court in December and they havent attended at all whether I am there or not. It doesnt help that hos solicitor speaks absolute shit and at times has blatantly lied.

Wtf am I supposed to do?

Keep a detailed diary of what is happening.
Do school keep any records of what is happening?
Have CAFCASS spoken to the DC to establish their wishes and feelings?

They spoke to one dc, the other refused, and they recommended a minimal amount of contact, which we have tried. I have school records, school support, and plenty of independent evidence, but the court are pushing through contact at all costs. Its actually barbaric.

Phone social services and self refer to them. Hopefully they can support.

I would explain to the one refusing to talk to CAFCASS that by doing so they are taking away their own control. Explain that you want to support their choices but that the court can over rule you. Then ask why they don't want to engage in the process? Why they don't want to see their dad? Just be really curious. Hopefully you can help them feel heard.

There has been years and years of low level neglect and sometimes pretty shitty behaviour of his including letting them down often. They have just had enough.

I called SS over behaviours of his and they didnt get involved as they felt i was adequately protecting the kids by them not going to his home.

My dc who didnt speak to CAFCASS is ND and will not speak to strangers at all, I got a trusted adult at school to get a statement but it wasn't accepted, and I was accused of being manipulative by doing that as I have a good relationship with the school.

The whole thing is a shambles. Half of the time he doesn’t even show for contact, yet that is his right, if I dont manage to take the kids its a strike against me.

They can't. People seem to believe that social services have some role to play in private contact proceedings and they do not, unless the children are being neglected or abused.

But if they are frightened to go because of safeguarding concerns they can give input. My friend had this the kids were terrified of him and SS insisted it was done in a contact centre which he refused and hasn’t now seen them for 3 years.
it’s worth a call

Trust me, I'm a social work manager of many years. Private law is a matter for the court - social services have zero power to override a court order. They also cannot contribute to private proceedings unless the court orders them to. If there is a cafcass officer involved then it would generally need for cafcass to alert the court to a safeguarding issue and if the court determined it was serious then they would order social services to complete a report but otherwise it's kept right out of social services remit.
As things stand for OP social services would not get involved and they would have no power.

A friend did this for me, without me knowing. I was accused of getting them to do it, and therefore parental alienation. Social services cannot do anything - all they did for me was make me feel bad for forcing the children against their will.

OP there’s nothing you can do. You just need to ride it out. For me, the best thing was finally getting the final order. He considered this his win, and didn’t bother with contact again. Five years in court, threats to have the children removed, threats of prison and removing my driving license, the children running away - and it was all over as soon as court was.

My friends 10 year old daughter refused to go back to her mothers because of mothers new bf. The mother contacted social services who refused to get involved because “mams new boyfriend” isn’t a reason or an allegation 🙄 massive red flag but that doesn’t meet threshold for their involvement.

Do everything you can to get them to confide in a teacher or TA at school. Explain that you have no control over what the court orders, but that a teacher or Cafcas person can help but only if dc tell them why they don't want contact.