Having a whinge…

[IRememberWhenThisWasAllFieldsAndCakePunching]

… here because, really, it’s embarrassing to whinge about to anyone in real life.

I am so broke. More than broke, I owe the launderette I use for my cleaning business £1,000. It’s been about two years of constantly borrowing from the following month to keep ahead and keep everyone paid and it became apparent at the beginning of this year that my business is failing. I was about £1500 in debt at the end of the month but had some big ticket clients that always meant I could borrow from the month ahead if that makes sense? So, in order to try and better my financial situation, I started tutoring children who can’t access mainstream education with an agency. The work is fairly well paid on an hourly basis and I love the job, but it’s been a slow start.

Over the summer holidays, the agency promised me 22 hours per week, so I downsized my business slightly to accommodate those hours. Come September, those hours didn’t materialise. They did at the beginning of October, which is great, but I owe the launderette £1000 and I have no idea how I’m supposed to earn that much extra.

My credit rating is bad, I’ve tried looking for loans or credit cards to pay it but none will accept me. I feel worthless, I feel physically crap and I feel like a burden on my friends and family. It is a constant thought in the back of my mind that I would be better off dead, as the life insurance would pay it off and I wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore. I’m beginning to resent my son, because having him means I can’t do that as it wouldn’t be fair to him.

I don’t have plans to die, I know it isn’t really the answer, but it’s just the sheer, crushing weight of poverty and owing someone money that I respect.

Of course you're not worthless. Many of the most successful business people around have been in your shoes, some more than once. However, you have tried something and made it work, which shows what you're capable of. The fact you're at a low point will be due to a lot of factors, many of which are external. The economy. promised work not materialising etc.
As for being 'a burden' to people who love you, have you ever once heard the families of people who felt they couldn't go on say they were grateful and they're better off without them? Because I haven't.
You are loved and you have worth. You're just in a bad patch and you need to draw on your strength and courage until things improve.
On a practical note, give Business Debtline a call.

That’s very kind - the business itself is successful and the staff are paid well and thriving, I, however, am a terrible business woman and make very little profit. My partner (spouse, not business partner) is sick of me being broke all the time and my son is beginning to be, too. He notices now that his friends go on holidays and we don’t, that they do nice things and I can’t afford days out with him. I just don’t see a way out, and I can’t believe I’ve got myself into this position. I’ve let everyone down.

Time to lose staff. Harsh, but you lose staff or the business which loses all the staff.

I’ve done that too! And cut the ‘dead weight’ client wise, as it were. I had to downsize the business to return to teaching, which I now do Monday - Friday school hours, then do some of the cleaning or checking properties in the evenings and at the weekend. From now on, I should be in a better position and could pay a loan off if someone would accept me, but don’t have and can’t see myself ever having £1k to pay this specific bill.

I’ve spent a good couple of years always feeling like I’m struggling to stay on top, hence the change in jobs, but every time I think I’m making progress, it turns out I’m not.

This post is specifically for me to whinge, because it feels like if I talk about it to my friends it sounds like I’m asking to borrow money, which I’m not, so I try not to wallow out loud in real life but my goodness me I feel fucking low.

@IRememberWhenThisWasAllFieldsAndCakePunching

in the grand scheme of things £1000 is nothing and you sound like you’re doing the best you can. Don’t be so hard on yourself ❤️

🤗

your son would not swap all the holidays and days out in the world for having you!!

How old is he?

Is your son your partner's son?

Is your partner contributing his fair share at home?

Has he been very supportive or is he just a negative whinge about everything?

Keep tweaking the business, getting rid of C class clients and replacing them with A class clients & the same with staff. You get there.

You haven't let anyone down!! you're working hard and doing your best & that's what counts.

If you were my daughter, I would be proud of you not disappointed in you & and I wouldn't see you as a burden in any way and would help you out in any way I could xx

Make sure you're getting outside to get some fresh air each day and eating well. Look after yourself.💕

I’m all for a good whinge (🤣), but you might be better off whinging on something like moneysupermarket.com, where you can get specific advice.

Could you get a perm part time teaching job, just to get your credit rating up?

DP would technically be classed as a higher earner and DS is ours. DP very much believes that his money is his money and he is the bread winner therefore childcare is my department. At the beginning of the year I had a small meltdown and said I needed a full time job and he hated the idea because he doesn’t expect to have to do childcare, housework or want DS going to childcare after school. He also doesn’t expect to have to give me money.

it’s no good advising me to leave because I can’t afford to. DS is secondary age as of September, and at school longer hours and obviously a bit older, so that gives me scope to take my tutoring work. Things are looking up long term, it’s the short term that is killing me. Someone uphtread said £1k in the grand scheme of things isn’t that much and they’re right - I know many people, DP included, that just have access to that sort of money. For me, though, at the moment, it feels impossible to earn that much on top of everything else.

He expects that his money is his alone but you have to do all the childcare?
That sounds like financial abuse.

He doesn’t see it as financial abuse and I don’t think it is, particularly. He feels like I’ve got a good deal because I don’t pay towards his mortgage - it’s his house and he doesn’t want my name on it. I pay £270 towards utilities, which probably isn’t half, all groceries, all child related things and dog stuff. I know he’s beginning to get annoyed that I don’t pull my weight financially and I’m annoyed as well, but I feel like I’m doing my best with what I’ve got. I started the cleaning business because my lack of flexibility within a school job annoyed him, but then the bulk of my work is during the holidays and he suddenly decided we should be doing holidays outside of school term, but I obviously earned the bulk of my money during that time and needed to be present.

this isn’t meant to be a DP bashing post, there are lots of women in similar positions that seem to be able to earn more than me. Once I’ve sorted the linen bill I feel I’ll have a small amount of disposable income, it just feels like an impossible mountain to climb.

I think you have a DP problem tbh. What kind of partnership is it If he can’t help you out when you are feeling so low and suicidal? you know the saying “for richer or poorer” he should be ashamed of
himself if he can’t see how you are struggling especially being a high earner

How much does he think a nanny & housekeeper would cost him?

How does he think you can be high earner when you are picking up all the childcare and everything else?

Does your DP know how you are feeling over this debt? Have you spoken to him?
If he doesn't know, speak to him. He might be able to clear it for you.

You are being financially abused OP.

You do need to start planning to leave.

Please think above the definition of bangmaid. And he is making you pay for the food you eat, as well.

He’s a very happy man. That it’s at your expense gives him no qualms at all. You’re the bangmaid that produced an heir for him.

I have never heard the term bangmaid before! I don’t think he would agree with that definition either 😂

I don’t know if I have mentioned the grand to him. At the beginning of the year, when I had me meltdown, he suggested I up my prices, he didn’t offer financial help but he did stop asking me to pay for extras like if we go away for a weekend, he pays. Then he’s stopped asking if we should go away as a family because he knows I can’t afford it, so he took DS to Scotland for ten days and I stayed at home.

I just don’t know where I can magic this money from. I feel so bloody desperate over it, it’s such a horrible feeling.