Did anyone have an awful three year old who turned out quite nice?

[ashbrooke]

As much as it pains me to say it I am kind of questioning my life choices on a daily basis.

The whingeing … my god. Ignoring makes no difference; just ups the ante to an unbearable level.

Really dog in the manger about stuff. I don’t want it but you can’t have it. This is just awful with older sibling: snatches stuff, refuses to give it back, end up in an undignified wrestle, then screams and cries until sibling is that fed up they give it to her.

Mean. Scribbling on siblings drawings, shoving and pushing. In the car sharing a bottle of water, had a drink then throws the bottle out of reach.

A lot of the traditional sort of advice isn’t really effective. I live her dearly but I’m struggling to enjoy her at the moment.

Not personally no but my managers son was an absolute horror from birth until secondary school, constantly in trouble, bit of a bully really.

He’s 22 now and such a lovely young lad, polite, kind, clever, working hard in the NHS.

Try not to panic!!

It's hard when they're unhappy. Something that helps is to recognise how frustrated and stressed she's feeling, and how overwhelming it is because she can't understand it.
She can't post here or ask anyone for support, she's no route to express anything except by acting out.

In answer to your question - millions and millions of 3yo kids were very difficult/unhappy then have grown into lovely people.

Be very careful about labelling - you have to stay open to the good stuff. Also be careful to ensure your expectations are fair and age-appropriate.

It's hard to tell from your limited examples, but there sounds to be issues around sharing, so classic and completely understandable sibling rivalry? What sharing can you avoid? - for example asking young children to share a bottle of water is asking for trouble.

Me! DD was appalling: tantrums, whining, stropping non stop. And she still didn't sleep through the night so we were dealing with it all on broken sleep. I quite often went to bed hoping I could just die before morning. We didn't have another because I just couldn't face the prospect of the same again. She's 16 now and delightful.

DS2 has been a joy at every age except for a year from 3 to 4.

The whining was horrendous.
At that age they have stamina and he could maintain a screaming tantrum for hours.
Absolutely nothing wrong with him it's just a phase which hurts parent more than child.
He's a happy successful adult now.

My DS screamed and cried consistently. He was diagnosed with adhd

Thanks! It isn’t all the time, and we have had a busy half term which I am mindful of but my god it is tough going!

Yes and it was hell at times and not sure how I got through, she is early twenties now and such an amazing person 💞

Thanks! It isn’t all the time, and we have had a busy half term which I am mindful of but my god it is tough going!

My cousin's daughter was a nightmare as a young child. When she was about 6 she got involved in sport and changed a lot. She's now a 35 year old doctor with a delightful little boy of her own and she is a devoted daughter to her parents.

Sorry - bad signal.

3 was the worst year! We celebrated once the terrible 2s were over only to be shocked and awed by DD for at least another 18 months. Now DD is 6 she is generally quite nice…most of the time! Good luck!

Oh yes. Youngest ds was an absolute horror. He bit his siblings, threw the biggest temper tantrums, would throw himself on the floor and head butt things to get his own way. He was a wind up from tiny age and stubborn and impetuous.

He seemed to turn a corner at 5 and has been a model child since then- good at school, polite and even now as a teen he’s quite the goody two shoes when honestly I thought he’d be in young offenders at some
point in his toddlerhood!!!

Mine was horrendous between 3-4 - I also wished I could die or run away and never return!

in fact 0-5 was just all grim tbh.

He’s now 12 and although still headstrong at times he is a wonderfully funny, kind and sensitive soul.

My eldest as a toddler was a bit of a wild woman! She just wanted to do everything and didn't obviously understand natural consequences. So she would jump into the splash pad fully clothed on a not very hot day etc. Or run away from me when paddling in the sea and then stack it. Bolting all the time, refusing to sit in a pushchair but also wouldn't walk any sort of distance.

She is nearly 12 now and so delightful. A really sensible girl and bright too. But she is still very active. Think she just needs a lot of exercise. Still hates walking though!! Has to be swimming or football or climbing or something.

My youngest was hard work at 3. I think the term 'threenager' was in common use at the time. They do a lot of growing up that year.

One of his friends was such a nightmare that we had to avoid playdates/groups with him for a while for everyone's sake. He is now a lovely, responsible actual teenager who happily hangs out with my son all the time

Just had a wonderful week off work/school with my 4y3m old. A few months ago I’d have had thought it impossible. The whinging still happens, as does occasional rudeness / screeching / wailing over nothing, but things are much, much better than they were. A half term of school has helped, dare I say, and she’s recently become dry at night which I think has made her feel like she’s a big girl now and needs to act like it!

at 4 they also start learning empathy and a bit more self-awareness, so I’d say hopefully you’ll come out of this bit soon. It’s really gruelling when you’re in it, though