Son going travelling soon. I'm dreading it...

[HomelyHouses]

He's off for at least 3 months to various places (South America, then Vietnam). He's 20 and lives at home. He's my only child. I lost one before him at 3 days old.

He's a big part of my life and I'm dreading him going although I'm also excited for him if that makes any sense. He's going with his girlfriend.

Advice as how to get through the months 🥺 please....

Tough. Mine is a little bit lacking in confidence. I sometimes wish he would go and see the world but ironically I am sure I would be equally worried if he did!

I am sure he will have a wonderful time, so many young people go to these places and it is a fantastic experience for them and something that stays with them for life.

I did this before there were easy ways to stay in touch . God knows what my parents were thinking . I would ask them to check in regularly, quick update or picture just to let you know that they are OK .

I'm kind of pleased for him. He's not exactly an extrovert but loves travel.

Keep (very) busy, it’s a testament to your good parenting that he’s up for an adventure like that. WhatsApp should keep you in touch.

My DS went travelling four 6 months. No mobile phones. He phoned home 4 times. Ask your DS to message you once a day or once a week. He will have a wonderful time. Let him go.

Firstly be proud that you’ve raised him to have the confidence to go and experience life. Set up a WhatsApp group with him and his gf just to post updates, photos etc and have low level contact but don’t be surprised if they don’t respond straight away as they could be relying on WiFi that’s unreliable etc. He will be fine. As for yourself, try and keep busy. You will get used to him being away.

You could ask him for permission to add him to a tracker like FindMy Phone or similar. Both my DC, DH and I are all on this and can see where each other are. DD is presently travelling in South America alone, and it is great being able to see where she is, even down to guessing which hostel she's staying in.

I went off for a year at 18, long before the days of internet communication! Three months really isn't that long, and hopefully he will have a great experience.

You've just got to be strong. Looking back, my mum must have been terrified but she tried very hard to keep a lid on it, and I'm so grateful to her for that now.

You've invested so much in your son over all of these years precisely so that he can go off and live his life to the full. Yes, it's really hard to see them taking risks or travelling far away, but would you really have it any other way? What's the alternative...a life in which they are too fearful to go anywhere or try anything? You really wouldn't want that for him.

Hopefully you've raised him to be sensible and alert to what's happening around him. Trust that you've done your job well. I'm sure he will be fine. And he will probably have some great stories to tell when he gets back.

Aw, I know how you feel, but it's wonderful that he has the confidence to do this.

My DS went traveling with a friend the day after his final A level exam. He arranged and paid for every aspect of the trip himself, and I was proud of him and impressed with his organisational skills! I was nervous of how he'd cope, but he was fine - and honestly, it gave him a massive confidence boost and was fantastic for his independence.

Your son will have a blast!

(Edited to add... for general safety I suggest you have an agreed word he uses if he calls you needing money, in case of a random situation where it isn't legit...
And that he keeps a bit of money somewhere separate from everything else for emergencies, along with your phone number. Just sensible stuff, really)

Is he self funding? How much has he saved? Does he have an itinerary?

I totally feel you! My DD19 went off travelling for much less time than that earlier this year. She did join a group activity while she was out there so not completely alone but I didn’t relax the whole time she was away!

Shes not the most confident of people and she did have a few wobbles while she was there. But she came home with such a sense of accomplishment and a plan to do it again next year! He’ll have a great time, just remind him to check in every now and again to put your mind at rest.

Same and as a naive girl at age 19! Sometimes we couldn't get in touch for at least several days as it was phone cards and coins and currency needed to be changed in every country. I realise now how worried they will have been! Xx

My son and his gf did this in 2024. Australia NZ and Japan over 3 months. The wonderful thing now is that we have WhatsApp and videos. They had a ball! You need to find things for you. He will continue to spread his wings as you've brought him up to be independent.
I was worried about my son as he has ulcerative colitis and had to carry injectible medication with him but he's a grown up so managed it.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your other child, and completely understand the worry and stress of ‘letting go’ of your DS. But it’s a very different world now to the pre-digital age. You can be in very regular contact, no matter where in the world they are, and even see real time footage of wherever they may be, so you can almost be with them on their travels.

God knows how the parents of my generation coped. They basically had to adopt a policy of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and just trust their kids were fine, even though they may go weeks or months with nothing but the odd static-y international phonecall!

And at least he’s not going alone. I’d be reassured to know he had someone to depend on, and that he and his GF will look out for one another and be in touch with you straight away in the event of any problems.

I agree with PPs about the importance of filling your time and building a busy, fulfilling life, though. You’ve done a great job of raising an independent young adult, and should take this opportunity to focus on yourself and discover what life might look like for you now that he’s spreading his wings and is no longer completely dependent on you. This trip could be great for both of you, OP.

Thank you🥲

Op, this is amazing for him.
He is going to leave permanently at some point so this is a good practice run.
Ask that he call once a week- not every day, that’s too much. And just be excited for him

My dd (19) went for 3 months earlier this year, and as others have said, it was amazing for her confidence. I gave myself a long 'To Do' list while she was away - that I didn't manage to complete . I was able to see where she was on Life360, and she posted lots of photos on Polarsteps, so they were good ways of being able to see what she was doing without her feeling she had to keep actually contacting me.

My son went solo travelling for a year at 23. He allowed me to track him and we FaceTimed every week. Obviously I was worried , especially when he went trekking but it was the absolute making of him . He’s grown so much in confidence , he met so many great friends including his now partner and he’s seen so much of the world . He’s now got the travel bug, he’s been back since and wants to go back again .
Make sure he keeps in touch . We set up a WhatsApp group so that he could post photos and keep in touch with what was going on at home . The time will fly by and he’ll be back before you know it .
My son left home almost as soon as he returned and moved to London . I think I worry about him just as much now but seeing him so happy is worth it .