Advise i guess?

[Mrsajk]

Hi all,

Where to start...
3 of my children moved to a new primary school last December 2025.. My two boys in now year 6 and year 2 have settled in amazing, my daughter in year 5 has not. Near enough since shes started she has struggled so much to make friends and settle down. The first few months of school were ok but over the last 7-8 months its just gone from bad to worse. Shes had a couple of girls being horrible to her, which at first she didn't really react but obviously as time has gone on she has started to react to the name calling/hitting and doing it back. Its now mostly just one girl whos constantly not nice to her, threatening to beat her up and so on. Ive raised this with school. School seem to think my daughter is just as much to blame too. Like i said above this has been happening for a number of months... Since the start of it, my daughters attitude, behavior, outbursts at home have got worse and worse. Obviously what's happening at school is affecting her home life and relationships with siblings too. Before all this, she was a lovely sweet girl who was extremely well behaved. She never had any problems at her previous schools and for most of the time, she got on well with her brothers. School have now brought to my attention over the past say 3 months now that they think she has ASD. This is something I've never thought of/seen in her over the course of 9 years nor did her previous school ever suggest this either. School have said they are worried about her because of her constant anger and outbursts in school, her struggles to make friends and be sociable. my daughter has said she also hates her home life now because of her brother's (given since her behaviour has changed, there has been hostility between her brothers and her..but like i said prior to this, they had good relationships). So now im doubting if this is ASD related?!? Im also a lunchtime supervisor at her school, i am there for 1 hour a day and i just feel like school just treat me as an employee and not a parent and I'm limited to what i am able to say /react.

I don't know what I'm hoping from this post.. But yeah. Thanks for reading.

Two wrongs don't make a right, so if the school thinks your daughter is as to blame, why aren't they mediating between these children (not saying your daughter isn't the victim, just playing the schools reaction at them). Is it a wash their hands of it all affair or something? Year 5 is still so young, it's not like secondary school with many classes, they're stuck together all day so this should have been curtailed before this.

You do have to be there as employee first as if you were a parent only you wouldn't be in the school at lunchtime to witness anything.

How was your daughter at her old school?

Honestly, i dont know..
The other day for example, ive gone to pick my daughter up from school and shes come over to me crying so instinctively ive hugged her and asked her whats wrong.. Shes told me the girl has said she's going to rip her teeth out. I've reported this to an SLT.. They've then 'investigated' this, looked the cctv and said this other child didn't even say anything to my daughter, yet my daughter is adamant it happened, fast forward a couple of days, school hsve questioned the other child as to where the child admits to saying something to her (just not what was originally thought to have been said).. School seem to think that my daughter is only reacting the way she is too because when she comes out of school she gets a 'big' reaction from me, as in I hug her and ask her whats wrong and speak to the teachers. Im mean what am i meant to do? Let me daughter cry to me and just ignore her?!

She had 0 problems at her previous school, always well behaved, had friends, teachers loved her

I would move her to another school. Y5 is generally really awful for girls behaviour but if you can’t see it settling then move her.

I really don't want to move her again, this is her 3rd school.. Not because of behavior or anything but because the first school she went to, i moved them because i wanted all my kids in the same school (it was an all through school so Primary and secondary) & then the recent move is due to moving houses and being too far away from previous school so they had to move schools. I understand so much why parents choose to home school these days

Sorry to hear this OP.

Have you tried setting up a meeting with the school. In the schools I have worked at, the preference is for the non employee parent to deal with issues like this. Is that an option for you?

Ive had a meeting with school as to where they told me about what they 'investigated' & basically spoke about everything that i said in this thread and unfortunately, her dad wouldn't be able to due to work. Im honestly in two minds of just handing in my notice because my daughter needs me so desperately to advocate for her but right now i feel torn to say anything because im the schools employee..