Im a grumpy git in the mornings and DH wakes up happy and chatty every day....

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I like silence for the first 3010 mins or so, DH wakes to ready to talk, sing, tell jokes ect. As we've aged Ive become more grumpy and he is more lively- it evens itself out within an hour or so, I do love him to bits and cringe when I hear myself snapping at him. Anyone else got the same dynamic?

No just you. Is he a slow learner? If the situation was reversed what would you say to him?

Are you saying you're literally grumpy and don't want to chat, discuss something you've just heard on the news etc? If so, I'm certainly not life and soul of the party, but I wouldn't want DH and myself to be around eachother feeling we can't chat, laugh at something on tv. I know DH would be annoyed with me, if I didn't engage with him. We're 59 and 61 if that's relevant.

Not first thing in the morning though surely?!

I am the same OP. Do not talk to me for the first half an hour or so. If he keeps doing it then he is being unreasonable. No one would question why he didn’t want to joke and talk about the news at 1am before going to bed.

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

Tigger like exuberance when my eyes are barely open is annoying. I don't tend to snap, more pull the duvet back over my head and ignore until I am ready to engage.

I'm sure loads of couples have this dynamic. My dad (lovely in most other ways) used to be awful in the mornings; everyone gave him a wide berth then because of it. His thinking was that he could only sleep when he was so tired that he had to crash into bed, so he often stayed up late, and slept late.

Have you actually told him you don't like to talk first thing in the morning? Communicate. Find a compromise. Tell him that you don't want to be talked to until you've had your morning coffee or whatever you need. Make it possible for him to do what pleases you. If he still keeps trying to talk to you, then he is being unreasonable.

This is often what happens on MN: ranting about what DH does, without telling them, while DH's liken it to the phrase "Bad command or filename" (remember that?): "I'm mad at you, and I'm not going to tell you why."

I’m definitely not a morning person so I sympathise, OP. My DP learned to leave me alone until I have woken up by having his head bitten off repeatedly.

I reciprocate by trying not to annoy him when he turns into a zombie at 10pm while I’m wide awake.

I used to be a grumpy morning teenager and so horrible to my poor mum but once I started flat-sharing I was soon educated in how rude that is. You don’t have to chat but you don’t have to snap.

We used to. I’ve always been very flat on a morning and if I’m able to have ten/fifteen mins of being able to do my cuppa and wake my brain up, it makes a massive difference. My husband used to expect me to match his Labrador energy and be willing to chat about the news or whatever and I just literally couldn’t make my brain work that way on waking up. The amount of times I used to have people tell me I’m rejecting my husband by not being happy and chatty on waking up.

It’s funny though because those same people who told me that, would expect some quiet time to themselves to wind down at some point during the day, usually 10pm onwards and they’d snap of their husbands were too chatty.

I view it as two people having the same need, a little bit of non chit chat time to get their head in the state it needs to be, it’s just some need it to wake up properly and some need it to wind down.

Reverse situation here. The first time DH stayed overnight when we dating, I woke up and within 2 mins had BBC breakfast on, kettle on and packing my bag for work whilst talking. DH has to have 2 to 3 cups of tea in bed in silence with minimal stimulation. That's when I started running in the mornings and showered at work. Made me get fitter, saved money on showers at home. It does make me laugh though so we see the funny side in that we couldn't be more opposite in the mornings if we tried. I'm now into marathons and it's purely because I totally avoid him in the mornings so I'm actually grateful for it!

You sound similar to me and my DH. We are 60. He wakes up very early, cheerful and full of purpose, always has a plan for the day. I wake up later and need quiet for a half hour, no radio, nothing. I’m not grumpy exactly but I am sensitive. DH always gives me a hug, makes me a coffee and sends me back to bed where I sit up and read a book for a half hour. Then I swing into action.

I have had to tell him I do not want a précis of world news, look at a you tube comedy reel etc first thing. I am happy to hear if he saw an owl or a pheasant in the garden but that’s about it. He has learnt a gentle start sets me up for the day. Conversely he fades in the evening and I protect him from bad news and try to postpone any problems to the morning. We also go to bed earlier than I like but I read my kindle so it’s fine.

I think it’s probably quite a common problem, we can’t really change our body clock. I think you need to directly tell him what you need first thing in the morning, be very specific. Otherwise you could try getting up a little before him in the morning or going to another room in the house with your coffee and just make it your new routine.

And he doesn't have to sing!!!

My dad used to sing and joke and all that awful stuff. That's rude too!

OP have you told him?

Yes, together 35 years so have told him, we tend to stagger getting up times now as he is retired. I don't blame him at all btw. I just wish I could bounce out if bed full of life.

My mum and step dad are like this, he's whistling and chatty and loud as soon as he's up and my mum is the opposite. She goes too far the other way being super annoyed at the smallest inconvenience in the morning, like getting annoyed someone goes in the bathroom because "I was about to go in there" but we can't read minds or see through closed bedroom doors.

In your case I'd ask him to just give you the space you need first thing, it's not a hard ask. I always would err on the side of the person who would like a bit of quiet first thing as it's easier for the other person to shut their trap than it is for a natural quiet morning person to pretend to be jolly.

I’m not at all grumpy in the morning but I don’t want to talk

I have been with my Dh 35 years and I am the same, I don't understand morning chirpiness, I like to wake up have a coffee stare at bbc breakfast for half an hour and I am good to go, he is still working so I see him less during the week mornings. But he is a cheery bugger at the weekends 😂

DH is like you and I'm like your DH! I know better than to expect any kind of chat from him within the first 30 mins of waking up.

Often I do need a response to some logistical question eg. who will walk the dog, who is going into the shower next, or whether he wants a cup of tea. I don't expect anything other than a factual response, but I would be cross if he snapped at me or was grumpy because I'd broken the silence!

DP only approaches with caution and armed with coffee. It's safer that way.

Oh you’d hate me 😂as soon as I wake up, I’m firing on all cylinders, DP is more like you Op.

Neither of us really chirpy, but we've both spoken to the cats within seconds if sering them, so a bit off not to speak to eachother. I'm chief cat feeder and DH normally asks me if they're happily eating. We'll comment on weather outside, how well we slept, discyss something mentioned on tv, and checked in with eachother our plans for the day. Oh, and I'll have checked if it's OK for me to go in shower first, as I'm normally ready for that first.

I think we'd both be upset if one of us didn't want to speak. Been together 32 years, early 60s on early retirement.

I’m your dh, my dh is you 😅