Mild ADHD/ parenting strategies

[parentinghelppleasee]

DS (8) really drains me. Love him to bits but I suspect we’re heading towards an ADHD diagnosis. He is impulsive and strong-willed and doesn’t listen well (must be told several times before he does the thing he’s asked to do). DD (4) by contrast listens well and doesn’t have the impulsivity so I don’t reckon it’s our parenting. DS is doing fabulously in school but his teacher has noticed his attention sometimes wanders.

My question is this: he’s a lovely creative funny boy but I am exhausted. I find I get much more shouty with him than I’d like to be. And I’m much more irritable too. Last night, for example, we were bringing DC up to bed. DD was in the bath and DS was being silly and parading around. I’d gotten them each a Halloween bucket and of course DS had his on his head. Both DC were excited and laughing and honestly It was quite funny and cute but I was also so exhausted by his antics that I just rolled my eyes and herded him out of the bathroom.

I felt quite guilty later but it’s like I just don’t have enough patience for him. I don’t want to deprive him of joy and everyone tells me these are the fun years. But I’m knackered! Any strategies for parenting a child like this? I don’t drink so please don’t suggest wine!

There’s a good book by Sarah Ockwell Smith called Raising Attention, I found it very useful

My DS 7 has a diagnosis and is medicated. It’s hard, very hard, even with the medication. What helped me was reading everything I could get my hands on on ADHD, joining parent Facebook groups I don’t post I just read the advice and (dont judge) asking ChatGPT which has helped me identify patterns in behaviour. I find it much easier now I understand him and don’t expect him to be the same as other NT children. I put strategies in place to help him and lower expectations especially on high excitement days like Halloween, birthdays and Christmas.

Can you share some strategies @Iheartwhitetshirts

My dd is the same @parentinghelppleasee and I find myself getting really irritate by her behaviour.
I am considering going towards diagnosis after Christmas.

We use…

felt to table board which my child put the felt activities in order - wake up, breakfast, teeth, school, club, tea, bath, story, bed. It’s edited for different things on weekend. It’s so much child knows what’s happening now and what’s happening later

no sugar

weighted blanket for bed (very light one)

no direct instructions. I say things like ‘ once we have put our shoes on you can chose a toy to take in the car’ etc

do not punish but praise positive behaviour

sensory swing and sensory lights in his ‘safe space’ area.

when having I meltdown I acknoyhis feelings - ‘ I understand you feel frustrated, I would to, let’s fix/sort/change/make it together.

Could you recommend some books please?

Thank you for the responses. Yes, any more suggestions for books or other resources are welcome. I have trouble because @lovethsun for example you mention not giving directions. But what I’ve read is to give simple directions and not overwhelm
a busy brain! It’s so hard to get it right. I say “put on your shoes,” wait until the shoes are on, and then say “put on your coat.” It felt like the asking method didn’t work for us! But the commanding doesn’t either! And after the fifth time I hear my voice raising and my patience is worn through. And we’re not even out the door yet!