It's a shame the bar's so low, but isn't lovely when it's just done without asking

[Hyroplate]

Just back from a short stay in a cottage with DP, who I don't live with.

He's a newish DP, after a long marriage to a good man, who was perfectly willing and capable around the house, but did need telling.

I was sitting down after dinner on our last evening when DP appeared with a bin bag. He'd been round and emptied all the bins, cleared our stuff out of the fridge and the kitchen cupboard and given the kitchen a wipe round in preparation for our departure early next morning.

Two things struck me. That it was lovely that it all happened without me having to remember / think about it, and that I really shouldn't have been so surprised/impressed.

That's normal over here

Pretty standard here too

It's normal here too but I'm not so blind that I don't see the differing expectations, standards and judgement in other houses. Come on! We all know the world isn't actually equal, right?

It is pretty normal for me too. Actually one of the things I like about dh is the two of us are bloody brilliant at cleaning out a rental and getting organised for the trip home - we're a beautiful machine.

But you only have to read MN to know it certainly isn't the case for every man so your OP is right on.

When my husband was more able bodied he would done this but I would probably been annoyed because he didn't ask me if I needed the last of the milk before throwing away

I do know so many women that seem to do all the domestic tasks and practical logistics for their family. I can't imagine living like a single parent but actually having a partner/husband in the house. However plenty of people are happy enough with this situation

I get it Op, my ex would have had to be asked, and then would have done a crap job if he did it at all. One thing that drew me to my DH was his proactive attitude towards household stuff. He just does the thing. It was a real novelty for me after a long time with someone who didn’t pull their weight without being asked to.